Khadi's Story 15: Alone Together |
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All through the night yesterday I could feel could sense his Hurt, his feelings of Abandonment and Betrayal. And yet there was no Resentment: he is surely a natural slave, more devoted than a keystone to its arch, more constant than a lintel to its doorway. He begged to remain my slave even when I offered him freedom, and yet hesitated, within himself. I thought that obedience training would help him to decide, one way or the other, or, as the Art Lords say, "to find his Path" . In the morning, the Smith told me that I would find Heesm in the market-place where slaves are bought and sold. It is a strange concept that these people have, the buying and selling of people as unwilling slaves, placing a value on their bodies and speaking of owning one another. Our slaves might once have been free, but we destroy their minds so that they desire nothing but obedience. To keep people as slaves against their will seems somehow to degrade their owners, as if no-one will serve them through true Joy and Obedience, and as if they have not enough Power to make slaves of those worthless Outsider. As I was thinking this I realised that, at the moment, I too am an Outsider. I do not feel any different, I do not feel as if I should upon returning beg to be enslaved, and indeed the twenty-nine previous searchers were honoured (those who lived to return, at least). If I am no less a person because I am Outside, why then do we treat Outsiders as we do? The Engravings upon the First Wall that we must all learn, O my brother, give us the answer: it is to keep us apart, so that the Knowledge, the Memory and the Faith are never lost or tarnished. But the Time of Opening is near! We must prepare to accept an end to what has been, and look to a time to come. For this reason, I shall no longer treat Outsiders as if they are all no more than slaves meekly awaiting capture. I had by this time reached the marketplace, with a crowd of onlookers about me. I could sense Heesm's presence; he was barely alive, but he could wait a while longer, for I had to purchase slaves to take with us to the Celebration tonight. There were maybe twenty or thirty slaves in the market, both male and female. I chose a boy of some eight years old, and two slightly older youths. The seller demanded gold, but I hesitated. He was fat, well-fed and oily, not hesitating to lie or cheat, and even being near him felt like bathing in the vomit and stench of a terminal disease. He was unaware, I think, that I could read his mind and knew that he told untruths about his "wares" , or how he used them sexually and lied to his wife about her inability to arouse him, or how he would always mutilate one or more of his less "valuable" slaves so that the others would appear to be of greater value. If Outsiders are to be treated as People, as I have deemed it Right and Proper, then they must be subject also to Honesty. When the slave-dealer would not release the slaves to my keeping until I paid, I shrugged, turned to the cages, and asked, which of you here desires to be a slave? There were no replies. Perhaps they had not heard, so I asked the converse: which of you wishes not to be a slave? They were to tired, they were resigned to their fate even though it was not of their choosing. Conscious of Heesm chained up in the early morning sun, yet unwilling to abandon what I had started, I reached out and Fetched the answer from each slave in turn. In truth, perhaps a dozen of them did indeed desire to serve; two more were slaves because they had not the courage to commit suicide. Of the remainder, eight had been in debt; that is, they had been unable to give other people as many of the metal discs as they had been asked or promised. It seems a strange situation when a man's life, a boy's future, a woman's children are held to be of less account than a piece of metal dug up out of the ground, but so it is in this place. Nine more slaves had simply been captured, had families who knew not where they were. Slavery is a service to be given freely, an honour to all involved, often accompanied by the Joy of Ongoing Pain. It is not a gift to be so lightly treated. I Reached out and Fetched the sword once more, for although I had no need of it, the people around me needed a Symbol for their Memory. There were many shouts, first from the slave sellers and then from the soldiers about the edge of the marketplace. I paid them no heed and Spoke, so that all could hear: You who were captured, brought here against your will, beaten and branded, I shall set you free. I Fetched a dozen gold discs from Kehahn, and tossed them so that they hung in the air above the reach of the crowd. These pieces of metal that men so crave, they are nothing. They are dug up out of the ground: they cannot speak, and have no Power. You who sell slaves, did you not know? There is no need to capture people. You who buy slaves, I tell you, look for those who want to be slaves, not the ones who are captured. Then reward their obedience not with metal discs, but with love and kindness, and they will serve you gladly. The rest, I now set free. I touched the sword to the places where the first cage was chained shut, so that it sprang open; all of the other cages opened at once, and I threw the sword high into the air so that it glittered and vanished. One of the slave-vendors was reaching for a gold coin with a net on the end of a long pole; he had a small boy on his shoulders holding the pole. I let him capture the disc, and then as soon as he held it, I Heated it so that it glowed and fell from his hand; of its own accord it might not have bounced to high as his groin, but I helped it, so that the man was soon writhing about on the floor in agony; if he lived, he would not be whole again. I pointed to each of the captured slaves in turn, and as I pointed to each, allowed a single gold coin to fall within reach. I am no Healer, as the Art Lords will confirm, should you ask, for in classes I was mostly interested in ways to enhance the joys of pain, not to remove it, but we all must learn Ways of the Flesh and Skin, so I was able to heal the slaves of the brand-marks they bore as they left. Of the three slaves I had selected, one had been captured, and thus was now free; one had wished to commit suicide, and one, the youngest had wished to be a slave. He was young to have that wish, but it was strong in him and I would not deny it. I took one of the other suicidals, a teenager, and whispered to him that I would sacrifice him if he became my slave. He knelt at my feet, so that in the end I had the three slaves I needed. I set free the slaves who had been in debt, giving them each enough gold discs to satisfy the slavers; the remainder I left as slaves; I locked them back in the cages and told them to serve their owners well. I do not know whether they were pleased, but it is what they had wanted, and without slaves who would till the soil, test swords for their sharpness, or help the development of the best poisons? The slavers, however, were a mixed bunch. The one who was still curled up in agony was little better than the one with whom I had first spoken. I decided that the best course of action would be to put them in the cage, and this I commanded to happen. At once, soldiers and guards sprang to obey, even though I claimed no authority over them, and it was clear that the slavers were not popular. Before five short stanzas had passed, they had all been stripped of their klodes, branded, chained and caged. They did not look happy. Some of the guards were slaves themselves; odd it seemed to see a collared man carry weapons, and yet they did. I took six of these guards, one for each cage, and asked if they would take on the job of tending the slaves and finding them work. The guards were not True Slaves, but rather free men who had been captured; they were as glad to be set free as the others had been. But I was not willing to trust them: whatever vile greed and love of metal discs that had infected the slavers before was surely not eradicated. So I Cursed them all. I made each of the former guards put down his spear and kneel, so that he was naked before me (for almost all slaves here are naked, collared, branded and gelded, as I noted before). I then told him to swear to tell the truth, to act always in the best interest of the people in his charge, and to set no store by the opinions or envy of others, but rather to do what is Right. Then I Touched his forehead, so that if ever he tells a lie, or takes what is not his to take, or acts from selfishness, he will void himself and vomit uncontrollably, and be unable to eat or drink until he sets things right. After each had Felt the strength of his curse, I took away his collar and brand. The first looked at the slaves in his charge, and clearly thought at once about the gold disks he would receive, for he voided himself at once, and made a mess by the cage door. I did not stop him from ordering the slaves to lick it clean, once he had realised his error. Now that I had three slaves, and had left the slave market perhaps in better shape than I had fount it, or at any rate in very different shape, I went at last to Heesm. Picture, O my brother, a boy of some sixteen years, strong yet thin, perhaps short for his age and yet with long flowing red hair. I ask you now to picture him with his wrists tied above his head, so that his feet only just touch the ground; he is at a whipping-post, and his back is open, still trickling with blood. His eyes are open, yet he is so far within himself that he does not even blink when a prickfly stops to lay its eggs in his eyeball. His whole body is covered in cuts and bruises, but his back, mouth, anus and feet are the worst. Picture now that the boy is gently sobbing, barely conscious, and that a stream of passers-by spare him no more than a glance. Yet his mind is still whole, and he is a person as much as they are. O my brother, I Reached within the boy and felt his mind, and knew that he was as devoted to me as ever, and that he will wear his brand of Obedience with pride. This gives me small comfort, and at that moment I knew that I had rather take his place than put another person in such a predicament. Here, he was utterly helpless. If someone chose to pinch or slap him, or to fuck him, or even to put a sword through him and kill him, there was nothing he could do. This was the first time that I had encountered a punished slave whose mind had not yet been destroyed; it was a deeply moving experience. It would be of no use to Heal a slave after obedience training, but neither could I make use of a dead slave. I took the eight-year-old boy I and obtained and snapped the boned of his right arm, giving me much Power; I did not wish to lessen any of Heesm's pain, but neither did I want him to sense my presence feeding on it, tempting though it was. So instead I gave him a little Strength, so that he could be beaten and flogged once more before he was released. I paid the guards their inevitable metal disc, and they gave Heesm ten hard lashes with a large whip. Each lash made the youth's whole body shudder, and at the end of them the guard fetched a club and hit his shoulders and bottom and legs. One of his legs was already broken, I realised, and now I heard the second snap. When the guard unfastened the slave's wrists he fell to the ground, smooth stone made slimy with his own filth and blood. I picked Heesm up and carried him in in my arms. He seemed to weigh almost nothing, and had no energy left to move. I allowed myself to feed on his pain a little, although that made the boy intensely aware of my presence, and he even woke up a little, enough to croak through parched, bruised and bleeding lips, I love you. He was delirious, and I did not punish him for speaking without permission. I remembered the child, and healed its broken arm. It was clear that my new slaves feared me too much to run away, so that I hardly needed the chains, but they were already fitted with them wrist to wrist, ankle to ankle, and one long leash from each collar, so I linked them one behind the other, had the oldest carry the child, and led the other by his leash. They, like Heesm, were still unused to walking barefoot, and found the pace I set to be difficult. But I could not delay, and in any case the sharp stones made delicious tingles of pain against their soles. As we walked back through the open corridors of Town 36, we saw everywhere people putting up thin coloured objects tied to long hair-ropes. They call these "bunting" , and they symbolise the joy of a Holy Festival Day. I had plans, however, to journey to Kred'Nos to celebrate the Festival of Joining the next day. I think it is true to say that this day was the greatest of my life, for today I came to understand that a person is a thing of value. But it was also a difficult day, for I was shown how Heesm had been treated, and how I had dealt with the others whom I had met. When I arrived back at the smithy, I found that someone else had suffered because of association with me. There was a crowd outside the smithy, and a smell of burning. Neither of these was unusual, of course, but there was also a lot of smoke, and soon I could see flames coming from the side of the smithy. Now, the smithy is built of good stone, not from this Outside brownstone they call "wood" that burns. But the smith's house had furniture in it, and stored oils both for cooking and for metalwork. I set Heesm down and bade the slaves watch over him, and went into the smithy. I heard his slaves and apprentices coughing and crying out for help; they were locked in the cage. The apprentice whom I had taught to endure Heat was shielding the others from great flames, but the smoke was heavy. I had no time to Teach, but instead simply summoned Water from the nearby lake, and Quenched the flames. The house was of stone, yet the roof was held in place by great beams of wood, and in places these had given way and collapsed. There were ashes everywhere, and the sword I had made was gone. Worse, I found Elbry's body there, headless. He had been killed, and I could sense in the ruins of the building, amidst Fear and Pain, the sweat and the hatred of the soldiers who had done this. I Reached out, but I could not find the smith's head. Probably it had been burned so that I could not Fetch memories out of it, although these people know so little of the Power that they think the dead can only speak if they still have a head. I am no Listener, and yet there was no need to ask the dead who had caused this thing to happen. I had underestimated Sheema, perhaps because I am not used to the idea of a powerful woman. We had no time to mourn; the Time of Joining lasts but a single Month, and by the end of it my mission must be finished. I left the forge, commanded the crowd to stand back, and Summoned a Great Energy. The smithy was melted, the very rocks forming the shape I had in mind, a fitting monument. I left behind us a statue, as high as three men, of a leering woman, resembling Sheema, with her lips curled into an ugly sneer. Anyone who saw that statue would at once understand what I thought of the woman. The people here refer to one who uses sexual desire to manipulate others as a "bitch" , which is, a female meat-animal in heat. Therefore I gave the statue the paws and fur and tail of a dog, and left it with enough Power that it would menstruate daily. Perhaps that was cruel, but my name means Pain, and the strongest Pain is the Truth. We left, then, for the ancient city of the Pledge, Kred'Nos, a veritable troupe of myself, my three new slaves, Heesm (still broken; I carried him), and Elbry's three apprentices and two slaves. At the edge of the city the Kruddy Dhuu'ik would meet us. One of the apprentices had been due to be raised to Journeyman when I had arrived. I could not do that, for they have a system of closed Guilds, and he had not yet made his Piece, but I said that I would give him gold discs so that he could find another Master to study under. How could I do less? The crowd followed us a little way; I turned to speak once more. There are those like Sheema who fear me because I will not be manipulated, or because I always speak the Truth. There are some who fear me because I bring change, and with change comes Pain. There are some who fear me because they know that I will end their world. For when I am done, the power of the metal discs will be ended. Those who are slaves will be as rich as those who govern, and those who govern will be as poor as those who are slaves. If you follow me, you will see things you have never dreamed of, but many will be hurt along the way, and some have already died. If you stay, remember that the people around you are all that you ever had, all that you will ever have, and all that you need. Therefore whether you come or stay, go and tell your friends that Town 36 shall crumble and fall, and the ancient city of Truth shall be reborn. Throw away your klodes and your metal discs and discover life as it was meant to be! Perhaps I like the sound of my own voice too much, although not as much as the dying agony of small children. At any rate, maybe a third of the crowd took off their klodes; when they were naked (and sometimes I had to remind them about their Boots) and knelt before me, I touched their foreheads in turn and, as best I could, Awakened them. They would need to be Fed, and even then the Power is weak in people born this far from the Opening. yet enough of them had a trickle of Power that they could be taught Body Heat so that they would not be cold, and Truth, so that they could neither lie nor be lied to. There were several hundred in all, many of whom followed me. By this time it was almost Noon, and we had to hurry. Someone fetched some small brown four-legged bearing-beasts and great sleds of wood; we were dragged on these at first, until I used the Power to lift the sleds, and then we made good time indeed. At the city gate the Kruddy Dhuu'ik was waiting for us as he had promised; he cartwheeled towards us, whooping for joy and shouting, and leapt onto the back of a bearing-beast. The animal turned its solemn head to gaze at the boy for a moment, and then continued to pull us forward. It has taken us three hours to walk from the edge of the ruins of Kred'Nos before, but after only an hour we were already close. When we came upon a stream that fed into a large river, we halted. The bearing-beasts drank, as did the slaves. Many of the crowd did too; they were unused to being without their klodes, and there was a strong sense of barely-repressed sexuality about them. While the people drank, I took Heesm gently to the side of the river and laid him down. I found some of the creatures they call "grasses" that grow here: they are tall and soft, and I had mistaken them at first for carpet. They are not in any way intelligent, but are more like the moulds and fungi that will will grow on a damp wall. The bearing-beasts eat these creatures, but I took some of them and used them to mop the worst of the blood from the boy's skin. He was unconscious; I Woke him gently, so that I could drink his Pain. It was all I could do to keep from dancing, for it was so strong, but I should need my dancing later. I Healed his broken limbs, so that he would be able to walk. He nuzzled against me, unable to speak. I Healed his feet - the bones were visible in places, but he had only lost one toe, and I regrew it. I held him in my arms then, and gazed into his eyes as he slowly awoke; he was beautiful, and I kissed him. I saw his eyes widen, and he kissed me back, surprised to be alive. I hugged him, and as his bruises gave him more Pain, so I healed Him, until he was whole once more. Then I bade him stand, and he could, and did. Heesm, I said, Heesm, you know that I love you, and he nodded slowly. He wanted to kneel and yet dared not, and I made him stand before me, naked, collared, chained, gelded, branded, and yet still wanting to give me all that he had. You can choose, Heesm. You serve me no less as a friend and a lover than as a slave. If you choose to remain my slave, I will not be gentle with you. If you choose to be my lover, I will teach you to be all that I am, and more. And if you choose to be my friend, or even to leave me, I will respect your choice. This day I have learned that those around me are no less People than I or any other, and therefore instead of simply taking you as mine, I now know that you can only be mine if you choose me freely. It was a long speech, and perhaps a little stilted, for I have no experience in such things. But he was crying. I held out my arms, and he embraced me. I told him to speak freely, for as a slave he could not say anything without permission. He sobbed, and then said he loved me, told me how all his life he had dreamed of being the slave of one called Golden Sword. I hugged him and Fed him, and smiled, and said that he did not have to decide now, he could wait until the morrow. He looked a little pale when I said that; I found out why, but lest the Engravers Entwine, I shall tell you in the proper sequence. Of the rest of that day, I shall Send later; for now, O my brother, whom I shall one day serve as surely as I shall rip apart your fingers in joy, I bid you to remember in all things to be diligent, and to do always what is Right, for I have told you much of the illness in the world, and how things go badly for those who do wrong. Yet I am not God, to say what is Right and what is Wrong, and I find that I am still learning much.
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