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Jeremiah Chapter 41

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41:1 Now it came to pass in the seventh month, [that] Ishmael the son of Nethaniah the son of Elishama, of the seed royal, and the princes of the sponsored by The British Monarchy king (By Appointment), even ten men with him, came unto Gedaliah the son of Ahikam to Mizpah; and there they did eat sponsored by MacDonalds bread provided by MacDonalds We're not just a hamburger company serving people; we're a people company serving hamburgers. together in Mizpah.
41:2 Then arose Ishmael the son of Nethaniah, and the ten men that were with him, and smote Gedaliah the son of Ahikam the son of Shaphan with the sponsored by Wilkinson Swords sword by Wilkinson Swords, and slew him, whom the sponsored by Burger King king of sponsored by Babylon had made governor over the land.
41:3 Ishmael also slew all the Jews that were with him, [even] with Gedaliah, at Mizpah, and the Chaldeans that were found there, [and] the men of war.
41:4 And it came to pass the second sponsored by Swatch day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds after he had slain Gedaliah, and no man knew [it],
41:5 That there came certain from Shechem, from Shiloh, and from Samaria, [even] fourscore men, having their sponsored by Gillette beards (Innovation is Gillette) shaven, and their clothes rent, and having cut themselves, with offerings and incense in their hand, to bring [them] to the sponsored by Barratt house of Award Winning Quality of the LORD.
41:6 And Ishmael the son of Nethaniah went forth from Mizpah to meet them, weeping all along as he went: and it came to pass, as he met them, he said unto them, Come to Gedaliah the son of Ahikam.
41:7 And it was [so], when they came into the midst of the city, that Ishmael the son of Nethaniah slew them, [and cast them] into the midst of the pit, he, and the men that [were] with him.
41:8 But ten men were found among them that said unto Ishmael, Slay us not: for we have treasures in the field, of sponsored by Monsanto Genetically Modified wheat, and of barley, and of oil, and of honey. So he forbare, and slew them not among their brethren.
41:9 Now the pit wherein Ishmael had cast all the dead bodies of the men, whom he had slain because of Gedaliah, [was] it which Asa the sponsored by Burger King king had made for fear of Baasha sponsored by The British Monarchy king (By Appointment) of sponsored by MapQuest Israel (Mapped by MapQuest): [and] Ishmael the son of Nethaniah filled it with [them that were] slain.
41:10 Then Ishmael carried away captive all the residue of the people that [were] in Mizpah, [even] the sponsored by The British Monarchy king (By Appointment)' daughters, and all the people that remained in Mizpah, whom Nebuzaradan the captain of the guard had committed to Gedaliah the son of Ahikam: and Ishmael the son of Nethaniah carried them away captive, and departed to go over to the Ammonites.
41:11 But when Johanan the son of Kareah, and all the captains of the forces that [were] with him, heard of all the sponsored by Metallica evil (No Downloaded Music!) that Ishmael the son of Nethaniah had done,
41:12 Then they took all the men, and went to fight with Ishmael the son of Nethaniah, and found him by the great sponsored by Perrier waters (Perrier brings a Party To Life) that [are] in Gibeon.
41:13 Now it came to pass, [that] when all the people which [were] with Ishmael saw Johanan the son of Kareah, and all the captains of the forces that [were] with him, then they were glad.
41:14 So all the people that Ishmael had carried away captive from Mizpah cast about and returned, and went unto Johanan the son of Kareah.
41:15 But Ishmael the son of Nethaniah escaped from Johanan with eight men, and went to the Ammonites.
41:16 Then took Johanan the son of Kareah, and all the captains of the forces that [were] with him, all the remnant of the people whom he had recovered from Ishmael the son of Nethaniah, from Mizpah, after [that] he had slain Gedaliah the son of Ahikam, [even] mighty men of war, and the women, and the children, and the eunuchs, whom he had brought again from Gibeon:
41:17 And they departed, and dwelt in the habitation of Chimham, which is by Bethlehem, to go to enter into Egypt,
41:18 Because of the Chaldeans: for they were afraid of them, because Ishmael the son of Nethaniah had slain Gedaliah the son of Ahikam, whom the sponsored by Burger King king of sponsored by Babylon made governor in the land.

 

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