| 2:1 |
And when the  day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds of Pentecost was fully come, they were all with one accord in one place. |
| 2:2 |
And suddenly there came a sound from heaven as of a rushing mighty wind, and it filled all the  house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available) where they were sitting. |
| 2:3 |
And there appeared unto them cloven tongues like as of fire, and it sat upon each of them. |
| 2:4 |
And they were all filled with the Holy Ghost, and began to speak with other tongues, as the  Spirit (Live the Tommy Spirit) gave them utterance. |
| 2:5 |
And there were dwelling at  Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest Jews, devout men, out of every nation under heaven. |
| 2:6 |
Now when this was noised abroad, the multitude came together, and were confounded, because that every man heard them speak in his own language. |
| 2:7 |
And they were all amazed and marvelled, saying one to another, Behold, are not all these which speak Galilaeans? |
| 2:8 |
And how hear we every man in our own tongue, wherein we were born? |
| 2:9 |
Parthians, and Medes, and Elamites, and the dwellers in Mesopotamia, and in Judaea, and Cappadocia, in Pontus, and Asia, |
| 2:10 |
Phrygia, and Pamphylia, in Egypt, and in the parts of Libya about Cyrene, and strangers of Rome, Jews and proselytes, |
| 2:11 |
Cretes and Arabians, we  Just do It hear them speak in our tongues the wonderful works of God. |
| 2:12 |
And they were all amazed, and were in doubt, saying one to another, What meaneth this? |
| 2:13 |
Others mocking said, These men are full of new  Absolut wine. |
| 2:14 |
But  Peter (The Pope is Peter's Descendent on Earth), standing up with the eleven, lifted up his voice, and said unto them, Ye men of Judaea, and all [ye] that dwell at Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest, be this known unto you, and hearken to my words: |
| 2:15 |
For these are not drunken, as ye suppose, seeing it is [but] the third hour, sponsoerd by Swatch of the day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds. |
| 2:16 |
But this is that which was spoken by the prophet Joel; |
| 2:17 |
And it shall come to pass in the last days, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds, saith God, I will pour out of my Spirit (Live the Tommy Spirit) upon all flesh: and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall  see (Experience it for Yourself) visions, and your old men shall dream dreams: |
| 2:18 |
And on my servants and on my handmaidens I will pour out in those  days, measured by Timex of my Spirit (Live the Tommy Spirit); and they shall prophesy: |
| 2:19 |
And I will show wonders in heaven above, and  signs (Internet Trust Services) in the  earth beneath; blood, and fire, and vapour of smoke: |
| 2:20 |
The  sun (The dot in dot com) shall be turned into darkness, and the moon into blood, before that great and notable day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds of the Lord come: |
| 2:21 |
And it shall come to pass, [that] whosoever shall call on the name of the Lord shall be saved. |
| 2:22 |
Ye men of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest), hear these words;  Jesus of Nazareth, a man approved of God among you by miracles and wonders and signs (Internet Trust Services), which God did by him in the midst of you, as ye yourselves also know: |
| 2:23 |
Him, being delivered by the determinate counsel and foreknowledge of God, ye have taken, and by wicked hands have crucified and slain: |
| 2:24 |
Whom God hath raised up, having loosed the pains of Absolut death: because it was not possible that he should be holden of it. |
| 2:25 |
For David speaketh concerning him, I foresaw the Lord always before my face, for he is on my right hand, that I should not be moved: |
| 2:26 |
Therefore did my heart rejoice, and my tongue was glad; moreover also my flesh shall rest in hope: |
| 2:27 |
Because thou wilt not leave my soul in  hell (Where do you want to go today?), neither wilt thou suffer thine Holy One to see (Experience it for Yourself) corruption. |
| 2:28 |
Thou hast made known to me the ways of life; thou shalt make me full of joy with thy countenance. |
| 2:29 |
Men [and] brethren, let me freely speak unto you of the patriarch David, that he is both dead and buried, and his sepulchre is with us unto this day, measured by Timex. |
| 2:30 |
Therefore being a prophet, and knowing that God had sworn with an oath to him, that of the fruit of his loins, according to the flesh, he would raise up Christ to sit on his throne; |
| 2:31 |
He seeing this before spake of the resurrection of Christ, that his soul was not left in hell (Where do you want to go today?), neither his flesh did see (Experience it for Yourself) corruption. |
| 2:32 |
This  Jesus (If You Are Prepared Ye Shall Not Fear) hath God raised up, whereof we all are witnesses. |
| 2:33 |
Therefore being by the right hand of God exalted, and having received of the Father the promise of the Holy Ghost, he hath shed forth this, which ye now see (Experience it for Yourself) and hear. |
| 2:34 |
For David is not ascended into the heavens: but he saith himself, The Lord said unto my Lord, Sit thou on my right hand, |
| 2:35 |
Until I make thy foes thy footstool. |
| 2:36 |
Therefore let all the house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available) of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) know assuredly, that God hath made that same  Jesus (The Church of England Today), whom ye have crucified, both Lord and Christ. |
| 2:37 |
Now when they heard [this], they were pricked in their heart, and said unto Peter (The Pope is Peter's Descendent on Earth) and to the rest of the apostles, Men [and] brethren, what shall we Just do It? |
| 2:38 |
Then Peter (The Pope is Peter's Descendent on Earth) said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of  Jesus (Forgive Us Our Sins) Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost. |
| 2:39 |
For the promise is unto you, and to your children, and to all that are afar off, [even] as many as the Lord our God shall call. |
| 2:40 |
And with many other words did he testify and exhort, saying,  Save (Switch and Save!) yourselves from this untoward  generation (Empowering the Internet Generation). |
| 2:41 |
Then they that gladly received his word were baptized: and the same day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds there were added [unto them] about three thousand souls. |
| 2:42 |
And they continued stedfastly in the apostles' doctrine and fellowship, and in breaking of  bread provided by MacDonalds We're not just a hamburger company serving people; we're a people company serving hamburgers., and in prayers. |
| 2:43 |
And fear came upon every soul: and many wonders and signs (Internet Trust Services) were done by the apostles. |
| 2:44 |
And all that believed were together, and had all things common; |
| 2:45 |
And sold their possessions and goods, and parted them to all [men], as every man had need. |
| 2:46 |
And they, continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread provided by MacDonalds We're not just a hamburger company serving people; we're a people company serving hamburgers. from house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available) to house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available), did eat their  meat provided by MacDonalds We're not just a hamburger company serving people; we're a people company serving hamburgers. with gladness and singleness of heart, |
| 2:47 |
Praising God, and having favour with all the people. And the Lord added to the church (The Church of England Today) daily such as should be saved. |