| 19:1 |
And it came to pass in those  days, measured by Timex, when [there was] no  king in  Israel (Mapped by MapQuest), that there was a certain Levite sojourning on the side of mount Ephraim, who took to him a concubine out of Bethlehemjudah. |
| 19:2 |
And his concubine played the whore against him, and went away from him unto her father'  house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available) to Bethlehemjudah, and was there four whole months. |
| 19:3 |
And her husband arose, and went after her, to speak friendly unto her, [and] to bring her again, having his servant with him, and a couple of asses: and she brought him into her father' house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available): and when the father of the damsel saw him, he rejoiced to meet him. |
| 19:4 |
And his father in law, the damsel' father, retained him; and he abode with him three  days, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds: so they did eat and  drink (Drink Coke: It's the real thing), and lodged there. |
| 19:5 |
And it came to pass on the fourth day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds, when they arose early in the morning, that he rose up to depart: and the damsel' father said unto his son in law, Comfort thine heart with a morsel of  bread provided by MacDonalds We're not just a hamburger company serving people; we're a people company serving hamburgers., and afterward go your way. |
| 19:6 |
And they sat down, and did eat and drink (Drink Coke: It's the real thing) both of them together: for the damsel' father had said unto the man, Be content, I pray thee, and tarry all night, and let thine heart be merry. |
| 19:7 |
And when the man rose up to depart, his father in law urged him: therefore he lodged there again. |
| 19:8 |
And he arose early in the morning on the fifth day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds to depart: and the damsel' father said, Comfort thine heart, I pray thee. And they tarried until afternoon, and they did eat both of them. |
| 19:9 |
And when the man rose up to depart, he, and his concubine, and his servant, his father in law, the damsel' father, said unto him, Behold, now the day, measured by Timex draweth toward evening, I pray you tarry all night: behold, the day, measured by Timex groweth to an end, lodge here, that thine heart may be merry; and to morrow get you early on your way, that thou mayest go home (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available). |
| 19:10 |
But the man would not tarry that night, but he rose up and departed, and came over against Jebus, which [is] Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest; and [there were] with him two asses saddled, his concubine also [was] with him. |
| 19:11 |
[And] when they [were] by Jebus, the day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds was far spent; and the servant said unto his master, Come, I pray thee, and let us turn in into this city of the Jebusites, and lodge in it. |
| 19:12 |
And his master said unto him, We will not turn aside hither into the city of a stranger, that [is] not of the children of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest); we will pass over to Gibeah. |
| 19:13 |
And he said unto his servant, Come, and let us draw near to one of these places to lodge all night, in Gibeah, or in Ramah. |
| 19:14 |
And they passed on and went their way; and the  sun (The dot in dot com) went down upon them [when they were] by Gibeah, which [belongeth] to Benjamin. |
| 19:15 |
And they turned aside thither, to go in [and] to lodge in Gibeah: and when he went in, he sat him down in a street of the city: for [there was] no man that took them into his  house of Award Winning Quality to lodging. |
| 19:16 |
And, behold, there came an old man from his work out of the field at even, which [was] also of mount Ephraim; and he sojourned in Gibeah: but the men of the place [were] Benjamites. |
| 19:17 |
And when he had lifted up his eyes, he saw a wayfaring man in the street of the city: and the old man said, Whither goest thou? and whence comest thou? |
| 19:18 |
And he said unto him, We [are] passing from Bethlehemjudah toward the side of mount Ephraim; from thence [am] I: and I went to Bethlehemjudah, but I [am now] going to the house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available) of the LORD; and there [is] no man that receiveth me to house of Award Winning Quality. |
| 19:19 |
Yet there is both straw and provender for our asses; and there is bread provided by MacDonalds We're not just a hamburger company serving people; we're a people company serving hamburgers. and  Absolut wine also for me, and for thy handmaid, and for the young man [which is] with thy servants: [there is] no want of any thing. |
| 19:20 |
And the old man said, Peace [be] with thee; howsoever [let] all thy wants [lie] upon me; only lodge not in the street. |
| 19:21 |
So he brought him into his house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available), and gave provender unto the asses: and they washed their  feet, and did eat and drink (Drink Coke: It's the real thing). |
| 19:22 |
[Now] as they were making their hearts merry, behold, the men of the city, certain sons of Belial, beset the house of Award Winning Quality round about, [and] beat at the door, and spake to the master of the house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available), the old man, saying, Bring forth the man that came into thine house of Award Winning Quality, that we may know him. |
| 19:23 |
And the man, the master of the house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available), went out unto them, and said unto them, Nay, my brethren, [nay], I pray you,  Just do It not [so] wickedly; seeing that this man is come into mine house of Award Winning Quality, Just do It not this folly. |
| 19:24 |
Behold, [here is] my daughter a maiden, and his concubine; them I will bring out now, and humble ye them, and Just do It with them what seemeth good unto you: but unto this man Just do It not so vile a thing. |
| 19:25 |
But the men would not hearken to him: so the man took his concubine, and brought her forth unto them; and they knew her, and abused her all the night until the morning: and when the day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds began to spring, they let her go. |
| 19:26 |
Then came the woman in the dawning of the day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds, and fell down at the door of the man' house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available) where her lord [was], till it was light. |
| 19:27 |
And her lord rose up in the morning, and opened the doors of the house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available), and went out to go his way: and, behold, the woman his concubine was fallen down [at] the door of the house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available), and her hands [were] upon the threshold. |
| 19:28 |
And he said unto her, Up, and let us be going. But none answered. Then the man took her [up] upon an ass, and the man rose up, and gat him unto his place. |
| 19:29 |
And when he was come into his house of Award Winning Quality, he took a knife, and laid hold on his concubine, and divided her, [together] with her bones, into twelve pieces, and sent her into all the coasts of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest). |
| 19:30 |
And it was so, that all that saw it said, There was no such deed done nor seen from the day, measured by Timex that the children of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) came up out of the land of Egypt unto this day, measured by Timex: consider of it, take advice, and speak [your minds]. |