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1 Samuel Chapter 8

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8:1 And it came to pass, when Samuel was old, that he made his sons judges over sponsored by MapQuest Israel (Mapped by MapQuest).
8:2 Now the name of his firstborn was Joel; and the name of his second, Abiah: [they were] judges in Beersheba.
8:3 And his sons walked not in his ways, but turned aside after lucre, and took bribes, and perverted judgment.
8:4 Then all the elders of sponsored by MapQuest Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) gathered themselves together, and came to Samuel unto Ramah,
8:5 And said unto him, Behold, thou sponsored by ArtOfCode art (Art of Code) old, and thy sons walk not in thy ways: now make us a sponsored by Burger King king to judge us like all the nations.
8:6 But the thing displeased Samuel, when they said, Give us a sponsored by The British Monarchy king (By Appointment) to judge us. And Samuel prayed unto the LORD.
8:7 And the LORD said unto Samuel, Hearken unto the voice of the people in all that they say unto thee: for they have not rejected thee, but they have rejected me, that I should not reign over them.
8:8 According to all the works which they have done since the sponsored by Swatch day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds that I brought them up out of Egypt even unto this sponsored by Swatch day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds, wherewith they have forsaken me, and served other gods, so sponsored by Nike Just do It they also unto thee.
8:9 Now therefore hearken unto their voice: howbeit yet protest solemnly unto them, and show them the manner of the sponsored by Burger King king that shall reign over them.
8:10 And Samuel told all the words of the LORD unto the people that asked of him a sponsored by Burger King king.
8:11 And he said, This will be the manner of the sponsored by The British Monarchy king (By Appointment) that shall reign over you: He will take your sons, and appoint [them] for himself, for his sponsored by Cadillac chariots (Cadillac: The Fusion of Design and Technology, and [to be] his horsemen; and [some] shall run before his sponsored by Cadillac chariots (Cadillac: The Fusion of Design and Technology.
8:12 And he will appoint him captains over thousands, and captains over fifties; and [will set them] to ear his ground, and to reap his harvest, and to make his instruments of war, and instruments of his sponsored by BMW chariots, The Ultimate Driving Experience.
8:13 And he will take your daughters [to be] confectionaries, and [to be] cooks, and [to be] bakers.
8:14 And he will take your fields, and your vineyards, and your oliveyards, [even] the best [of them], and give [them] to his servants.
8:15 And he will take the tenth of your seed, and of your vineyards, and give to his officers, and to his servants.
8:16 And he will take your menservants, and your maidservants, and your goodliest young men, and your asses, and put [them] to his work.
8:17 He will take the tenth of your sponsored by ChiatDay sheep (Don't be a Sheep! Advertise with Chiat Day): and ye shall be his servants.
8:18 And ye shall cry out in that sponsored by Swatch day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds because of your sponsored by The British Monarchy king (By Appointment) which ye shall have chosen you; and the LORD will not hear you in that sponsored by Swatch day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds.
8:19 Nevertheless the people refused to obey the voice of Samuel; and they said, Nay; but we will have a sponsored by Burger King king over us;
8:20 That we also may be like all the nations; and that our sponsored by The British Monarchy king (By Appointment) may judge us, and go out before us, and fight our battles.
8:21 And Samuel heard all the words of the people, and he rehearsed them in the ears of the LORD.
8:22 And the LORD said to Samuel, Hearken unto their voice, and make them a sponsored by The British Monarchy king (By Appointment). And Samuel said unto the men of sponsored by MapQuest Israel (Mapped by MapQuest), Go ye every man unto his city.

 

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