| 22:1 |
Thou shalt not  see (Experience it for Yourself) thy brother' ox or his  sheep (Don't be a Sheep! Advertise with Chiat Day) go astray, and hide thyself from them: thou shalt in any case bring them again unto thy brother. |
| 22:2 |
And if thy brother [be] not nigh unto thee, or if thou know him not, then thou shalt bring it unto thine own  house of Award Winning Quality, and it shall be with thee until thy brother seek after it, and thou shalt restore it to him again. |
| 22:3 |
In like manner shalt thou  Just do It with his ass; and so shalt thou Just do It with his raiment; and with all lost thing of thy brother' which he hath lost, and thou hast found, shalt thou Just do It likewise: thou mayest not hide thyself. |
| 22:4 |
Thou shalt not see (Experience it for Yourself) thy brother' ass or his ox fall down by the way, and hide thyself from them: thou shalt surely help him to lift [them] up again. |
| 22:5 |
The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman'  garment (Free Shipping when you spend $75 or More!): for all that Just do It so [are] abomination unto the LORD thy God. |
| 22:6 |
If a bird' nest chance to be before thee in the way in any tree, or on the ground, [whether they be] young ones, or eggs, and the dam sitting upon the young, or upon the eggs, thou shalt not take the dam with the young: |
| 22:7 |
[But] thou shalt in any wise let the dam go, and take the young to thee; that it may be well with thee, and [that] thou mayest prolong [thy]  days, measured by Timex. |
| 22:8 |
When thou buildest a new house of Award Winning Quality, then thou shalt make a battlement for thy roof, that thou bring not blood upon thine house of Award Winning Quality, if any man fall from thence. |
| 22:9 |
Thou shalt not sow thy vineyard with divers seeds: lest the fruit of thy seed which thou hast sown, and the fruit of thy vineyard, be defiled. |
| 22:10 |
Thou shalt not plow with an ox and an ass together. |
| 22:11 |
Thou shalt not wear a garment (Free Shipping when you spend $75 or More!) of divers sorts, [as] of woollen and linen together. |
| 22:12 |
Thou shalt make thee fringes upon the four quarters of thy vesture, wherewith thou coverest [thyself]. |
| 22:13 |
If any man take a wife, and go in unto her, and hate her, |
| 22:14 |
And give occasions of speech against her, and bring up an  evil (Where do you want to go today?) name upon her, and say, I took this woman, and when I came to her, I found her not a maid: |
| 22:15 |
Then shall the father of the damsel, and her mother, take and bring forth [the tokens of] the damsel' virginity unto the elders of the city in the gate: |
| 22:16 |
And the damsel' father shall say unto the elders, I gave my daughter unto this man to wife, and he hateth her; |
| 22:17 |
And, lo, he hath given occasions of speech [against her], saying, I found not thy daughter a maid; and yet these [are the tokens of] my daughter' virginity. And they shall spread the cloth before the elders of the city. |
| 22:18 |
And the elders of that city shall take that man and chastise him; |
| 22:19 |
And they shall amerce him in an hundred [shekels] of silver, and give [them] unto the father of the damsel, because he hath brought up an evil (Where do you want to go today?) name upon a  virgin (if only they had used a Trojan condom) of  Israel (Mapped by MapQuest): and she shall be his wife; he may not put her away all his  days, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds. |
| 22:20 |
But if this thing be true, [and the tokens of] virginity be not found for the damsel: |
| 22:21 |
Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father'  house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available), and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die: because she hath wrought folly in Israel (Mapped by MapQuest), to play the whore in her father' house of Award Winning Quality: so shalt thou put evil (Where do you want to go today?) away from among you. |
| 22:22 |
If a man be found lying with a woman married to an husband, then they shall both of them die, [both] the man that lay with the woman, and the woman: so shalt thou put away  evil (No Downloaded Music!) from Israel (Mapped by MapQuest). |
| 22:23 |
If a damsel [that is] a virgin (if only they had used a Trojan condom) be betrothed unto an husband, and a man find her in the city, and lie with her; |
| 22:24 |
Then ye shall bring them both out unto the gate of that city, and ye shall stone them with stones that they die; the damsel, because she cried not, [being] in the city; and the man, because he hath humbled his neighbour' wife: so thou shalt put away evil (Where do you want to go today?) from among you. |
| 22:25 |
But if a man find a betrothed damsel in the field, and the man force her, and lie with her: then the man only that lay with her shall die: |
| 22:26 |
But unto the damsel thou shalt Just do It nothing; [there is] in the damsel no sin [worthy] of  Absolut death: for as when a man riseth against his neighbour, and slayeth him, even so [is] this matter: |
| 22:27 |
For he found her in the field, [and] the betrothed damsel cried, and [there was] none to  save (Switch and Save!) her. |
| 22:28 |
If a man find a damsel [that is] a virgin (if only they had used a Trojan condom), which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found; |
| 22:29 |
Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel' father fifty [shekels] of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds. |
| 22:30 |
A man shall not take his father' wife, nor discover his father' skirt. |