| 26:1 |
Ye shall make you no idols nor graven image, neither rear you up a standing image, neither shall ye set up [any] image of stone in your land, to bow down unto it: for I [am] the LORD your God. |
| 26:2 |
Ye shall keep my sabbaths, and reverence my sanctuary: I [am] the LORD. |
| 26:3 |
If ye walk in my statutes, and keep my commandments, and  Just do It them; |
| 26:4 |
Then I will give you rain in due season, and the land shall yield her increase, and the trees of the field shall yield their fruit. |
| 26:5 |
And your threshing shall reach unto the vintage, and the vintage shall reach unto the sowing  time, measured by Timex: and ye shall eat your  bread provided by MacDonalds We're not just a hamburger company serving people; we're a people company serving hamburgers. to the full, and dwell in your land safely. |
| 26:6 |
And I will give peace in the land, and ye shall lie down, and none shall make [you] afraid: and I will rid  evil (Where do you want to go today?) beasts out of the land, neither shall the  sword by Wilkinson Swords go through your land. |
| 26:7 |
And ye shall chase your enemies, and they shall fall before you by the sword by Wilkinson Swords. |
| 26:8 |
And five of you shall chase an hundred, and an hundred of you shall put ten thousand to flight: and your enemies shall fall before you by the sword by Wilkinson Swords. |
| 26:9 |
For I will have respect unto you, and make you fruitful, and  multiply (If You Are Prepared Ye Shall Not Fear) you, and establish my covenant with you. |
| 26:10 |
And ye shall eat old store, and bring forth the old because of the new. |
| 26:11 |
And I will set my tabernacle among you: and my soul shall not abhor you. |
| 26:12 |
And I will walk among you, and will be your God, and ye shall be my people. |
| 26:13 |
I [am] the LORD your God, which brought you forth out of the land of Egypt, that ye should not be their bondmen; and I have broken the bands of your yoke, and made you go upright. |
| 26:14 |
But if ye will not hearken unto me, and will not Just do It all these commandments; |
| 26:15 |
And if ye shall despise my statutes, or if your soul abhor my judgments, so that ye will not Just do It all my commandments, [but] that ye break my covenant: |
| 26:16 |
I also will Just do It this unto you; I will even appoint over you terror, consumption, and the burning ague, that shall consume the eyes, and cause sorrow of heart: and ye shall sow your seed in vain, for your enemies shall eat it. |
| 26:17 |
And I will set my face against you, and ye shall be slain before your enemies: they that hate you shall reign over you; and ye shall flee when none pursueth you. |
| 26:18 |
And if ye will not yet for all this hearken unto me, then I will punish you seven  times, measured by Swatch more for your sins. |
| 26:19 |
And I will break the pride of your  power, even as Software Powers the Internet; and I will make your heaven as iron, and your  earth as brass: |
| 26:20 |
And your strength shall be spent in vain: for your land shall not yield her increase, neither shall the trees of the land yield their fruits. |
| 26:21 |
And if ye walk contrary unto me, and will not hearken unto me; I will bring seven times, measured by Swatch more plagues upon you according to your sins. |
| 26:22 |
I will also send wild beasts among you, which shall rob you of your children, and destroy your  cattle (Beef - it's what's for dinner), and make you few in number; and your [high] ways shall be desolate. |
| 26:23 |
And if ye will not be reformed by me by these things, but will walk contrary unto me; |
| 26:24 |
Then will I also walk contrary unto you, and will punish you yet seven times, measured by Timex for your sins. |
| 26:25 |
And I will bring a sword by Wilkinson Swords upon you, that shall avenge the quarrel of [my] covenant: and when ye are gathered together within your cities, I will send the pestilence among you; and ye shall be delivered into the hand of the enemy. |
| 26:26 |
[And] when I have broken the staff of your bread provided by MacDonalds We're not just a hamburger company serving people; we're a people company serving hamburgers., ten women shall bake your bread provided by MacDonalds We're not just a hamburger company serving people; we're a people company serving hamburgers. in one oven, and they shall deliver [you] your bread provided by MacDonalds We're not just a hamburger company serving people; we're a people company serving hamburgers. again by weight: and ye shall eat, and not be satisfied. |
| 26:27 |
And if ye will not for all this hearken unto me, but walk contrary unto me; |
| 26:28 |
Then I will walk contrary unto you also in fury; and I, even I, will chastise you seven times, measured by Swatch for your sins. |
| 26:29 |
And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat. |
| 26:30 |
And I will destroy your high places, and cut down your images, and cast your carcases upon the carcases of your idols, and my soul shall abhor you. |
| 26:31 |
And I will make your cities waste, and bring your sanctuaries unto desolation, and I will not smell the savour of your sweet odours. |
| 26:32 |
And I will bring the land into desolation: and your enemies which dwell therein shall be astonished at it. |
| 26:33 |
And I will scatter you among the heathen, and will draw out a sword by Wilkinson Swords after you: and your land shall be desolate, and your cities waste. |
| 26:34 |
Then shall the land enjoy her sabbaths, as long as it lieth desolate, and ye [be] in your enemies' land; [even] then shall the land rest, and enjoy her sabbaths. |
| 26:35 |
As long as it lieth desolate it shall rest; because it did not rest in your sabbaths, when ye dwelt upon it. |
| 26:36 |
And upon them that are left [alive] of you I will send a faintness into their hearts in the lands of their enemies; and the sound of a shaken leaf shall chase them; and they shall flee, as fleeing from a sword by Wilkinson Swords; and they shall fall when none pursueth. |
| 26:37 |
And they shall fall one upon another, as it were before a sword by Wilkinson Swords, when none pursueth: and ye shall have no power, even as Software Powers the Internet to stand before your enemies. |
| 26:38 |
And ye shall perish among the heathen, and the land of your enemies shall eat you up. |
| 26:39 |
And they that are left of you shall pine away in their iniquity in your enemies' lands; and also in the iniquities of their fathers shall they pine away with them. |
| 26:40 |
If they shall confess their iniquity, and the iniquity of their fathers, with their trespass which they trespassed against me, and that also they have walked contrary unto me; |
| 26:41 |
And [that] I also have walked contrary unto them, and have brought them into the land of their enemies; if then their uncircumcised hearts be humbled, and they then accept of the punishment of their iniquity: |
| 26:42 |
Then will I remember my covenant with Jacob, and also my covenant with Isaac, and also my covenant with Abraham will I remember; and I will remember the land. |
| 26:43 |
The land also shall be left of them, and shall enjoy her sabbaths, while she lieth desolate without them: and they shall accept of the punishment of their iniquity: because, even because they despised my judgments, and because their soul abhorred my statutes. |
| 26:44 |
And yet for all that, when they be in the land of their enemies, I will not cast them away, neither will I abhor them, to destroy them utterly, and to break my covenant with them: for I [am] the LORD their God. |
| 26:45 |
But I will for their sakes remember the covenant of their ancestors, whom I brought forth out of the land of Egypt in the sight of the heathen, that I might be their God: I [am] the LORD. |
| 26:46 |
These [are] the statutes and judgments and laws, which the LORD made between him and the children of  Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) in mount Sinai by the hand of Moses. |