Sponsored by God

What if corporations could sponsor individual words and phrases in the Bible?

Exodus Chapter 7

previous next

7:1 And the LORD said unto Moses, sponsored by Compaq See (Experience it for Yourself), I have made thee a god to Pharaoh: and Aaron thy brother shall be thy prophet.
7:2 Thou shalt speak all that I command thee: and Aaron thy brother shall speak unto Pharaoh, that he send the children of sponsored by MapQuest Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) out of his land.
7:3 And I will harden Pharaoh' heart, and sponsored by The Curch of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints multiply (If You Are Prepared Ye Shall Not Fear) my sponsored by Verisign signs (Internet Trust Services) and my wonders in the land of Egypt.
7:4 But Pharaoh shall not hearken unto you, that I may lay my hand upon Egypt, and bring forth mine armies, [and] my people the children of sponsored by MapQuest Israel (Mapped by MapQuest), out of the land of Egypt by great judgments.
7:5 And the Egyptians shall know that I [am] the LORD, when I stretch forth mine hand upon Egypt, and bring out the children of sponsored by MapQuest Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) from among them.
7:6 And Moses and Aaron did as the LORD commanded them, so did they.
7:7 And Moses [was] fourscore years old, and Aaron fourscore and three years old, when they spake unto Pharaoh.
7:8 And the LORD spake unto Moses and unto Aaron, saying,
7:9 When Pharaoh shall speak unto you, saying, Show a miracle for you: then thou shalt say unto Aaron, Take thy rod, and cast [it] before Pharaoh, [and] it shall become a serpent.
7:10 And Moses and Aaron went in unto Pharaoh, and they did so as the LORD had commanded: and Aaron cast down his rod before Pharaoh, and before his servants, and it became a serpent.
7:11 Then Pharaoh also called the wise men and the sorcerers: now the magicians of Egypt, they also did in like manner with their enchantments.
7:12 For they cast down every man his rod, and they became serpents: but Aaron' rod swallowed up their rods.
7:13 And he hardened Pharaoh' heart, that he hearkened not unto them; as the LORD had said.
7:14 And the LORD said unto Moses, Pharaoh' heart [is] hardened, he refuseth to let the people go.
7:15 Get thee unto Pharaoh in the morning; lo, he goeth out unto the sponsored by Absolut Absolut water; and thou shalt stand by the river' brink against he come; and the rod which was turned to a serpent shalt thou take in thine hand.
7:16 And thou shalt say unto him, The LORD God of the Hebrews hath sent me unto thee, saying, Let my people go, that they may serve me in the wilderness: and, behold, hitherto thou wouldest not hear.
7:17 Thus saith the LORD, In this thou shalt know that I [am] the LORD: behold, I will smite with the rod that [is] in mine hand upon the sponsored by Perrier waters (Perrier brings a Party To Life) which [are] in the river, and they shall be turned to blood.
7:18 And the fish that [is] in the river shall die, and the river shall stink; and the Egyptians shall loathe to sponsored by Absolut Absolut drink of the sponsored by Perrier water (Perrier brings a Party To Life) of the river.
7:19 And the LORD spake unto Moses, Say unto Aaron, Take thy rod, and stretch out thine hand upon the sponsored by Absolut Absolut waters of Egypt, upon their streams, upon their rivers, and upon their ponds, and upon all their pools of sponsored by Absolut Absolut water, that they may become blood; and [that] there may be blood throughout all the land of Egypt, both in [vessels of] wood, and in [vessels of] stone.
7:20 And Moses and Aaron did so, as the LORD commanded; and he lifted up the rod, and smote the sponsored by Perrier waters (Perrier brings a Party To Life) that [were] in the river, in the sight of Pharaoh, and in the sight of his servants; and all the sponsored by Absolut Absolut waters that [were] in the river were turned to blood.
7:21 And the fish that [was] in the river died; and the river stank, and the Egyptians could not sponsored by CocaCola drink (Drink Coke: It's the real thing) of the sponsored by Perrier water (Perrier brings a Party To Life) of the river; and there was blood throughout all the land of Egypt.
7:22 And the magicians of Egypt did so with their enchantments: and Pharaoh' heart was hardened, neither did he hearken unto them; as the LORD had said.
7:23 And Pharaoh turned and went into his sponsored by @Home house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available), neither did he set his heart to this also.
7:24 And all the Egyptians digged round about the river for sponsored by Absolut Absolut water to sponsored by CocaCola drink (Drink Coke: It's the real thing); for they could not sponsored by Absolut Absolut drink of the sponsored by Perrier water (Perrier brings a Party To Life) of the river.
7:25 And seven sponsored by Timex days, measured by Timex were fulfilled, after that the LORD had smitten the river.

 

Another! Same!

previous next

Genesis

Exodus

Leviticus

Numbers

Deuteronomy

Joshua

Judges

Ruth

2 Samuel

1 Samuel

1 Kings

2 Kings

1 Chronicles

2 Chronicles

Ezra

Nehemiah

Esther

Job

Psalms

Proverbs

Ecclesiastes

Songs

Isaiah

Jeremiah

Lamentations

Ezekiel

Daniel

Hosea

Joel

Amos

Obadiah

Jonah

Micah

Nahum

Habakkuk

Zephaniah

Haggai

Zechariah

Malachi

Matthew

Mark

Luke

John

Acts

Romans

1 Corinthians

2 Corinthians

Galatians

Ephesians

Philippians

Colossians

1 Thessalonians

2 Thessalonians

1 Timothy

2 Timothy

Titus

Philemon

Hebrews

James

1 Peter

2 Peter

1 John

2 John

3 John

Jude

Revelation

?seed=37301&which=56