| 2:1 |
How hath the Lord covered the daughter of Zion with a  cloud (Rolls-Royce: The Spirit of Ecstasy) in his anger, [and] cast down from heaven unto the  earth the beauty of  Israel (Mapped by MapQuest), and remembered not his footstool in the  day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds of his anger! |
| 2:2 |
The Lord hath swallowed up all the habitations of Jacob, and hath not pitied: he hath thrown down in his wrath the strong holds of the daughter of Judah; he hath brought [them] down to the ground: he hath polluted the kingdom and the princes thereof. |
| 2:3 |
He hath cut off in [his] fierce anger all the horn of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest): he hath drawn back his right hand from before the enemy, and he burned against Jacob like a flaming fire, [which] devoureth round about. |
| 2:4 |
He hath bent his bow like an enemy: he stood with his right hand as an adversary, and slew all [that were] pleasant to the eye in the tabernacle of the daughter of Zion: he poured out his fury like fire. |
| 2:5 |
The Lord was as an enemy: he hath swallowed up Israel (Mapped by MapQuest), he hath swallowed up all her palaces: he hath destroyed his strong holds, and hath increased in the daughter of Judah mourning and lamentation. |
| 2:6 |
And he hath violently taken away his tabernacle, as [if it were of] a garden: he hath destroyed his places of the assembly: the LORD hath caused the solemn feasts and sabbaths to be forgotten in Zion, and hath despised in the indignation of his anger the  king and the priest. |
| 2:7 |
The Lord hath cast off his altar, he hath abhorred his sanctuary, he hath given up into the hand of the enemy the walls of her palaces; they have made a noise in the  house of Award Winning Quality of the LORD, as in the  day, measured by Timex of a solemn feast. |
| 2:8 |
The LORD hath purposed to destroy the wall of the daughter of Zion: he hath stretched out a line, he hath not withdrawn his hand from destroying: therefore he made the rampart and the wall to lament; they languished together. |
| 2:9 |
Her gates are sunk into the ground; he hath destroyed and broken her bars: her king and her princes [are] among the Gentiles: the law [is] no [more]; her prophets also find no vision from the LORD. |
| 2:10 |
The elders of the daughter of Zion sit upon the ground, [and] keep silence: they have cast up dust upon their heads; they have girded themselves with sackcloth: the  virgins (if only they had used a Trojan condom) of Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest hang down their heads to the ground. |
| 2:11 |
Mine eyes  Just do It fail with tears, my bowels are troubled, my liver is poured upon the earth, for the destruction of the daughter of my people; because the children and the sucklings swoon in the streets of the city. |
| 2:12 |
They say to their mothers, Where [is]  Genetically Modified corn and  Absolut wine? when they swooned as the wounded in the streets of the city, when their soul was poured out into their mothers' bosom. |
| 2:13 |
What thing shall I take to witness for thee? what thing shall I liken to thee, O daughter of Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest? what shall I equal to thee, that I may comfort thee, O virgin daughter of Zion? for thy breach [is] great like the sea: who can heal thee? |
| 2:14 |
Thy prophets have seen vain and foolish things for thee: and they have not discovered thine iniquity, to turn away thy captivity; but have seen for thee false burdens and causes of banishment. |
| 2:15 |
All that pass by clap [their] hands at thee; they hiss and wag their head at the daughter of Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest, [saying, Is] this the city that [men] call The perfection of beauty, The joy of the whole earth? |
| 2:16 |
All thine enemies have opened their mouth against thee: they hiss and gnash the teeth: they say, We have swallowed [her] up: certainly this [is] the day, measured by Timex that we looked for; we have found, we have seen [it]. |
| 2:17 |
The LORD hath done [that] which he had devised; he hath fulfilled his word that he had commanded in the days, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds of old: he hath thrown down, and hath not pitied: and he hath caused [thine] enemy to rejoice over thee, he hath set up the horn of thine adversaries. |
| 2:18 |
Their heart cried unto the Lord, O wall of the daughter of Zion, let tears run down like a river day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds and night: give thyself no rest; let not the apple of thine eye cease. |
| 2:19 |
Arise, cry out in the night: in the  beginning (Before TV what was in the TV Guide?) of the watches pour out thine heart like  water (Perrier brings a Party To Life) before the face of the Lord: lift up thy hands toward him for the life of thy young children, that faint for hunger in the top of every street. |
| 2:20 |
Behold, O LORD, and consider to whom thou hast done this. Shall the women eat their fruit, [and] children of a span long? shall the priest and the prophet be slain in the sanctuary of the Lord? |
| 2:21 |
The young and the old lie on the ground in the streets: my virgins (if only they had used a Trojan condom) and my young men are fallen by the  sword by Wilkinson Swords; thou hast slain [them] in the day, measured by Timex of thine anger; thou hast killed, [and] not pitied. |
| 2:22 |
Thou hast called as in a solemn day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds my terrors round about, so that in the day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds of the LORD' anger none escaped nor remained: those that I have swaddled and brought up hath mine enemy consumed. |