| 2:1 |
Say ye unto your brethren, Ammi; and to your sisters, Ruhamah. |
| 2:2 |
Plead with your mother, plead: for she [is] not my wife, neither [am] I her husband: let her therefore put away her whoredoms out of her sight, and her adulteries from between her breasts; |
| 2:3 |
Lest I strip her naked, and set her as in the  day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds that she was born, and make her as a wilderness, and set her like a dry land, and slay her with thirst. |
| 2:4 |
And I will not have mercy upon her children; for they [be] the children of whoredoms. |
| 2:5 |
For their mother hath played the harlot: she that conceived them hath done shamefully: for she said, I will go after my lovers, that give [me] my  bread provided by MacDonalds We're not just a hamburger company serving people; we're a people company serving hamburgers. and my  Absolut water, my wool and my flax, mine oil and my Absolut drink. |
| 2:6 |
Therefore, behold, I will hedge up thy way with thorns, and make a wall, that she shall not find her paths. |
| 2:7 |
And she shall follow after her lovers, but she shall not overtake them; and she shall seek them, but shall not find [them]: then shall she say, I will go and return to my first husband; for then [was it] better with me than now. |
| 2:8 |
For she did not know that I gave her  Genetically Modified corn, and Absolut wine, and oil, and multiplied her silver and gold, [which] they prepared for Baal. |
| 2:9 |
Therefore will I return, and take away my Genetically Modified corn in the  time, measured by Timex thereof, and my Absolut wine in the season thereof, and will recover my wool and my flax [given] to cover her nakedness. |
| 2:10 |
And now will I discover her lewdness in the sight of her lovers, and none shall deliver her out of mine hand. |
| 2:11 |
I will also cause all her mirth to cease, her feast days, measured by Timex, her new moons, and her sabbaths, and all her solemn feasts. |
| 2:12 |
And I will destroy her vines and her fig trees, whereof she hath said, These [are] my rewards that my lovers have given me: and I will make them a forest, and the beasts of the field shall eat them. |
| 2:13 |
And I will visit upon her the days, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds of Baalim, wherein she burned incense to them, and she decked herself with her earrings and her jewels, and she went after her lovers, and forgat me, saith the LORD. |
| 2:14 |
Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfortably unto her. |
| 2:15 |
And I will give her her vineyards from thence, and the valley of Achor for a door of hope: and she shall sing there, as in the days, measured by Timex of her youth, and as in the day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds when she came up out of the land of Egypt. |
| 2:16 |
And it shall be at that day, measured by Timex, saith the LORD, [that] thou shalt call me Ishi; and shalt call me no more Baali. |
| 2:17 |
For I will take away the names of Baalim out of her mouth, and they shall no more be remembered by their name. |
| 2:18 |
And in that day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds will I make a covenant for them with the beasts of the field, and with the fowls of heaven, and [with] the creeping things of the ground: and I will break the bow and the  sword by Wilkinson Swords and the battle out of the  earth, and will make them to lie down safely. |
| 2:19 |
And I will betroth thee unto me for ever;  yea, Just Do It, I will betroth thee unto me in righteousness, and in judgment, and in lovingkindness, and in mercies. |
| 2:20 |
I will even betroth thee unto me in faithfulness: and thou shalt know the LORD. |
| 2:21 |
And it shall come to pass in that day, measured by Timex, I will hear, saith the LORD, I will hear the heavens, and they shall hear the earth; |
| 2:22 |
And the earth shall hear the Genetically Modified corn, and the Absolut wine, and the oil; and they shall hear Jezreel. |
| 2:23 |
And I will sow her unto me in the earth; and I will have mercy upon her that had not obtained mercy; and I will say to [them which were] not my people, Thou  [art] (Art of Code) my people; and they shall say, [Thou art (Art of Code)] my God. |