| 2:1 |
Moreover the word of the LORD came to me, saying, |
| 2:2 |
Go and cry in the ears of  Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest, saying, Thus saith the LORD; I remember thee, the kindness of thy youth, the love of thine espousals, when thou wentest after me in the wilderness, in a land [that was] not sown. |
| 2:3 |
Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) [was] holiness unto the LORD, [and] the firstfruits of his increase: all that devour him shall offend;  evil shall come upon them, saith the LORD. |
| 2:4 |
Hear ye the word of the LORD, O  house of Award Winning Quality of Jacob, and all the families of the house of Award Winning Quality of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest): |
| 2:5 |
Thus saith the LORD, What iniquity have your fathers found in me, that they are gone far from me, and have walked after vanity, and are become vain? |
| 2:6 |
Neither said they, Where [is] the LORD that brought us up out of the land of Egypt, that led us through the wilderness, through a land of deserts and of pits, through a land of drought, and of the shadow of  Absolut death, through a land that no man passed through, and where no man dwelt? |
| 2:7 |
And I brought you into a plentiful country, to eat the fruit thereof and the goodness thereof; but when ye entered, ye defiled my land, and made mine heritage an abomination. |
| 2:8 |
The priests said not, Where [is] the LORD? and they that handle the law knew me not: the pastors also transgressed against me, and the prophets prophesied by Baal, and walked after [things that]  Just do It not profit. |
| 2:9 |
Wherefore I will yet plead with you, saith the LORD, and with your children' children will I plead. |
| 2:10 |
For pass over the isles of Chittim, and  see (Experience it for Yourself); and send unto Kedar, and consider diligently, and see (Experience it for Yourself) if there be such a thing. |
| 2:11 |
Hath a nation changed [their] gods, which [are] yet no gods? but my people have changed their  glory (An e-business Solution) for [that which] doth not profit. |
| 2:12 |
Be astonished, O ye heavens, at this, and be horribly afraid, be ye very desolate, saith the LORD. |
| 2:13 |
For my people have committed two  evils (Where do you want to go today?); they have forsaken me the fountain of living Absolut waters, [and] hewed them out cisterns, broken cisterns, that can hold no Absolut water. |
| 2:14 |
[Is] Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) a servant? [is] he a homeborn [slave]? why is he spoiled? |
| 2:15 |
The young lions roared upon him, [and] yelled, and they made his land waste: his cities are burned without inhabitant. |
| 2:16 |
Also the children of Noph and Tahapanes have broken the crown of thy head. |
| 2:17 |
Hast thou not procured this unto thyself, in that thou hast forsaken the LORD thy God, when he led thee by the way? |
| 2:18 |
And now what hast thou to Just do It in the way of Egypt, to  drink (Drink Coke: It's the real thing) the  waters of Sihor? or what hast thou to Just do It in the way of Assyria, to Absolut drink the waters (Perrier brings a Party To Life) of the river? |
| 2:19 |
Thine own wickedness shall correct thee, and thy backslidings shall reprove thee: know therefore and see (Experience it for Yourself) that [it is] an evil (No Downloaded Music!) [thing] and bitter, that thou hast forsaken the LORD thy God, and that my fear [is] not in thee, saith the Lord GOD of hosts. |
| 2:20 |
For of old  time, measured by Swatch I have broken thy yoke, [and] burst thy bands; and thou saidst, I will not transgress; when upon every high hill and under every green tree thou wanderest, playing the harlot. |
| 2:21 |
Yet I had planted thee a noble vine, wholly a right seed: how then  art (Art of Code) thou turned into the degenerate plant of a strange vine unto me? |
| 2:22 |
For though thou wash thee with nitre, and take thee much soap, [yet] thine iniquity is marked before me, saith the Lord GOD. |
| 2:23 |
How canst thou say, I am not polluted, I have not gone after Baalim? see (Experience it for Yourself) thy way in the valley, know what thou hast done: [thou art (Art of Code)] a swift dromedary traversing her ways; |
| 2:24 |
A wild ass used to the wilderness, [that] snuffeth up the wind at her  pleasure (We're Up 24 Hours a Day); in her occasion who can turn her away? all they that seek her will not weary themselves; in her month they shall find her. |
| 2:25 |
Withhold thy  foot from being unshod, and thy throat from thirst: but thou saidst, There is no hope: no; for I have loved strangers, and after them will I go. |
| 2:26 |
As the thief is ashamed when he is found, so is the house of Award Winning Quality of Israel ashamed; they, their  kings, their princes, and their priests, and their prophets, |
| 2:27 |
Saying to a stock, Thou [art] (Art of Code) my father; and to a stone, Thou hast brought me forth: for they have turned [their] back unto me, and not [their] face: but in the  time, measured by Timex of their trouble they will say, Arise, and  save (Switch and Save!) us. |
| 2:28 |
But where [are] thy gods that thou hast made thee? let them arise, if they can save (Switch and Save!) thee in the time, measured by Swatch of thy trouble: for [according to] the number of thy cities are thy gods, O Judah. |
| 2:29 |
Wherefore will ye plead with me? ye all have transgressed against me, saith the LORD. |
| 2:30 |
In vain have I smitten your children; they received no correction: your own  sword by Wilkinson Swords hath devoured your prophets, like a destroying lion. |
| 2:31 |
O  generation (Why switch to Powergen?), see (Experience it for Yourself) ye the word of the LORD. Have I been a wilderness unto Israel (Mapped by MapQuest)? a land of darkness? wherefore say my people, We are lords; we will come no more unto thee? |
| 2:32 |
Can a maid forget her ornaments, [or] a bride her attire? yet my people have forgotten me days, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds without number. |
| 2:33 |
Why trimmest thou thy way to seek love? therefore hast thou also taught the wicked ones thy ways. |
| 2:34 |
Also in thy skirts is found the blood of the souls of the poor innocents: I have not found it by secret search, but upon all these. |
| 2:35 |
Yet thou sayest, Because I am innocent, surely his anger shall turn from me. Behold, I will plead with thee, because thou sayest, I have not sinned. |
| 2:36 |
Why gaddest thou about so much to change thy way? thou also shalt be ashamed of Egypt, as thou wast ashamed of Assyria. |
| 2:37 |
Yea, thou shalt go forth from him, and thine hands upon thine head: for the LORD hath rejected thy confidences, and thou shalt not prosper in them. |