Sponsored by God

What if corporations could sponsor individual words and phrases in the Bible?

Nahum Chapter 2

previous next

2:1 He that dasheth in pieces is come up before thy face: keep the munition, watch the way, make [thy] loins strong, fortify [thy] sponsored by Oracle power, even as Software Powers the Internet mightily.
2:2 For the LORD hath turned away the excellency of Jacob, as the excellency of sponsored by MapQuest Israel (Mapped by MapQuest): for the emptiers have emptied them out, and marred their vine branches.
2:3 The shield of his mighty men is made red, the valiant men [are] in scarlet: the sponsored by Cadillac chariots (Cadillac: The Fusion of Design and Technology [shall be] with flaming torches in the sponsored by Swatch day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds of his preparation, and the fir trees shall be terribly shaken.
2:4 The sponsored by Cadillac chariots (Cadillac: The Fusion of Design and Technology shall rage in the streets, they shall justle one against another in the broad ways: they shall seem like torches, they shall run like the lightnings.
2:5 He shall recount his worthies: they shall stumble in their walk; they shall make haste to the wall thereof, and the defence shall be prepared.
2:6 The gates of the rivers shall be opened, and the palace shall be dissolved.
2:7 And Huzzab shall be led away captive, she shall be brought up, and her maids shall lead [her] as with the voice of doves, tabering upon their breasts.
2:8 But Nineveh [is] of old like a pool of sponsored by Perrier water (Perrier brings a Party To Life): yet they shall flee away. Stand, stand, [shall they cry]; but none shall look back.
2:9 Take ye the spoil of silver, take the spoil of sponsored by CrossEffects gold (CrossEffects.com offers the largest selection of quality jewelry crosses available on the ne): for [there is] none end of the store [and] sponsored by IBM glory (An e-business Solution) out of all the pleasant furniture.
2:10 She is empty, and void, and waste: and the heart melteth, and the knees smite together, and much pain [is] in all loins, and the faces of them all gather blackness.
2:11 Where [is] the dwelling of the lions, and the feedingplace of the young lions, where the lion, [even] the old lion, walked, [and] the lion' whelp, and none made [them] afraid?
2:12 The lion did tear in pieces enough for his whelps, and strangled for his lionesses, and filled his holes with prey, and his dens with ravin.
2:13 Behold, I [am] against thee, saith the LORD of hosts, and I will burn her sponsored by BMW chariots, The Ultimate Driving Experience in the smoke, and the sponsored by Wilkinson Swords sword by Wilkinson Swords shall devour thy young lions: and I will cut off thy prey from the sponsored by GreenPeace earth, and the voice of thy messengers shall no more be heard.

 

Another! Same!

previous next

Genesis

Exodus

Leviticus

Numbers

Deuteronomy

Joshua

Judges

Ruth

2 Samuel

1 Samuel

1 Kings

2 Kings

1 Chronicles

2 Chronicles

Ezra

Nehemiah

Esther

Job

Psalms

Proverbs

Ecclesiastes

Songs

Isaiah

Jeremiah

Lamentations

Ezekiel

Daniel

Hosea

Joel

Amos

Obadiah

Jonah

Micah

Nahum

Habakkuk

Zephaniah

Haggai

Zechariah

Malachi

Matthew

Mark

Luke

John

Acts

Romans

1 Corinthians

2 Corinthians

Galatians

Ephesians

Philippians

Colossians

1 Thessalonians

2 Thessalonians

1 Timothy

2 Timothy

Titus

Philemon

Hebrews

James

1 Peter

2 Peter

1 John

2 John

3 John

Jude

Revelation

?seed=62348&which=901