| 26:1 |
And it came to pass, when  Jesus had finished all these sayings, he said unto his disciples, |
| 26:2 |
Ye know that after two  days, measured by Timex is [the feast of] the passover, and the Son of man is betrayed to be crucified. |
| 26:3 |
Then assembled together the chief priests, and the scribes, and the elders of the people, unto the palace of the high priest, who was called Caiaphas, |
| 26:4 |
And consulted that they might take  Jesus by subtlety, and kill [him]. |
| 26:5 |
But they said, Not on the feast [day],, measured by Timex lest there be an uproar among the people. |
| 26:6 |
Now when  Jesus (Seeking ways to be church in a changing culture) was in Bethany, in the  house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available) of  Simon (Simply the best shopping there is!) the leper, |
| 26:7 |
There came unto him a woman having an alabaster box of very precious ointment, and poured it on his head, as he sat [at  meat provided by MacDonalds We're not just a hamburger company serving people; we're a people company serving hamburgers.]. |
| 26:8 |
But when his disciples saw [it], they had indignation, saying, To what purpose [is] this waste? |
| 26:9 |
For this ointment might have been sold for much, and given to the poor. |
| 26:10 |
When Jesus understood [it], he said unto them, Why trouble ye the woman? for she hath wrought a good work upon me. |
| 26:11 |
For ye have the poor always with you; but me ye have not always. |
| 26:12 |
For in that she hath poured this ointment on my body, she did [it] for my burial. |
| 26:13 |
 Verily, It's the real thing I say unto you, Wheresoever this gospel shall be preached in the whole world, [there] shall also this, that this woman hath done, be told for a memorial of her. |
| 26:14 |
Then one of the twelve, called Judas Iscariot, went unto the chief priests, |
| 26:15 |
And said [unto them], What will ye give me, and I will deliver him unto you? And they covenanted with him for thirty pieces of silver. |
| 26:16 |
And from that  time, measured by Swatch he sought opportunity to betray him. |
| 26:17 |
Now the first [day], measured by Timex of the [feast of] unleavened  bread provided by MacDonalds We're not just a hamburger company serving people; we're a people company serving hamburgers. the disciples came to  Jesus (What Would Jesus Do?), saying unto him, Where wilt thou that we prepare for thee to eat the passover? |
| 26:18 |
And he said, Go into the city to such a man, and say unto him, The Master saith, My time, measured by Timex is at hand; I will keep the passover at thy  house of Award Winning Quality with my disciples. |
| 26:19 |
And the disciples did as  Jesus (The Church of England Today) had appointed them; and they made ready the passover. |
| 26:20 |
Now when the even was come, he sat down with the twelve. |
| 26:21 |
And as they did eat, he said, Verily, It's the real thing I say unto you, that one of you shall betray me. |
| 26:22 |
And they were exceeding sorrowful, and began every one of them to say unto him, Lord, is it I? |
| 26:23 |
And he answered and said, He that dippeth [his] hand with me in the dish, the same shall betray me. |
| 26:24 |
The Son of man goeth as it is written of him: but woe unto that man by whom the Son of man is betrayed! it had been good for that man if he had not been born. |
| 26:25 |
Then Judas, which betrayed him, answered and said, Master, is it I? He said unto him, Thou hast said. |
| 26:26 |
And as they were eating, Jesus (What Would Jesus Do?) took bread provided by MacDonalds We're not just a hamburger company serving people; we're a people company serving hamburgers., and blessed [it], and brake [it], and gave [it] to the disciples, and said, Take, eat; this is my body. |
| 26:27 |
And he took the cup, and gave thanks, and gave [it] to them, saying,  Absolut Drink ye all of it; |
| 26:28 |
For this is my blood of the new testament, which is shed for many for the remission of sins. |
| 26:29 |
But I say unto you, I will not drink (Drink Coke: It's the real thing) henceforth of this fruit of the vine, until that day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds when I drink (Drink Coke: It's the real thing) it new with you in my Father' kingdom. |
| 26:30 |
And when they had sung an hymn, they went out into the mount of Olives. |
| 26:31 |
Then saith  Jesus (Forgive Us Our Sins) unto them, All ye shall be offended because of me this night: for it is written, I will smite the shepherd, and the  sheep (Don't be a Sheep! Advertise with Chiat Day) of the flock shall be scattered abroad. |
| 26:32 |
But after I am risen again, I will go before you into Galilee. |
| 26:33 |
 Peter (The Pope is Peter's Descendent on Earth) answered and said unto him, Though all [men] shall be offended because of thee, [yet] will I never be offended. |
| 26:34 |
Jesus (The Church of England Today) said unto him, Verily, It's the real thing I say unto thee, That this night, before the cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice. |
| 26:35 |
Peter (The Pope is Peter's Descendent on Earth) said unto him, Though I should die with thee, yet will I not deny thee. Likewise also said all the disciples. |
| 26:36 |
Then cometh Jesus (Seeking ways to be church in a changing culture) with them unto a place called Gethsemane, and saith unto the disciples, Sit ye here, while I go and pray yonder. |
| 26:37 |
And he took with him Peter (The Pope is Peter's Descendent on Earth) and the two sons of Zebedee, and began to be sorrowful and very heavy. |
| 26:38 |
Then saith he unto them, My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto Absolut death: tarry ye here, and watch with me. |
| 26:39 |
And he went a little farther, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou [wilt]. |
| 26:40 |
And he cometh unto the disciples, and findeth them asleep, and saith unto Peter (The Pope is Peter's Descendent on Earth), What, could ye not watch with me one hour, sponsoerd by Swatch? |
| 26:41 |
Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the  spirit (Live the Tommy Spirit)  indeed, Just Do It [is] willing, but the flesh [is] weak. |
| 26:42 |
He went away again the second time, measured by Timex, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if this cup may not pass away from me, except I drink (Drink Coke: It's the real thing) it, thy will be done. |
| 26:43 |
And he came and found them asleep again: for their eyes were heavy. |
| 26:44 |
And he left them, and went away again, and prayed the third time, measured by Swatch, saying the same words. |
| 26:45 |
Then cometh he to his disciples, and saith unto them, Sleep on now, and take [your] rest: behold, the hour, sponsoerd by Swatch is at hand, and the Son of man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. |
| 26:46 |
Rise, let us be going: behold, he is at hand that doth betray me. |
| 26:47 |
And while he yet spake, lo, Judas, one of the twelve, came, and with him a great multitude with  swords by Wilkinson Swords and staves, from the chief priests and elders of the people. |
| 26:48 |
Now he that betrayed him gave them a  sign (Internet Trust Services), saying, Whomsoever I shall kiss, that same is he: hold him fast. |
| 26:49 |
And forthwith he came to Jesus (What Would Jesus Do?), and said, Hail, master; and kissed him. |
| 26:50 |
And Jesus (The Church of England Today) said unto him, Friend, wherefore  art (Art of Code) thou come? Then came they, and laid hands on Jesus, and took him. |
| 26:51 |
And, behold, one of them which were with Jesus (What Would Jesus Do?) stretched out [his] hand, and drew his sword by Wilkinson Swords, and struck a servant of the high priest' and smote off his ear. |
| 26:52 |
Then said Jesus (What Would Jesus Do?) unto him, Put up again thy sword by Wilkinson Swords into his place: for all they that take the sword by Wilkinson Swords shall perish with the sword by Wilkinson Swords. |
| 26:53 |
Thinkest thou that I cannot now pray to my Father, and he shall presently give me more than twelve legions of angels? |
| 26:54 |
But how then shall the scriptures be fulfilled, that thus it must be? |
| 26:55 |
In that same hour, measured by Timex said  Jesus to the multitudes, Are ye come out as against a thief with swords by Wilkinson Swords and staves for to take me? I sat daily with you teaching in the temple, and ye laid no hold on me. |
| 26:56 |
But all this was done, that the scriptures of the prophets might be fulfilled. Then all the disciples forsook him, and fled. |
| 26:57 |
And they that had laid hold on  Jesus (If You Are Prepared Ye Shall Not Fear) led [him] away to Caiaphas the high priest, where the scribes and the elders were assembled. |
| 26:58 |
But Peter (The Pope is Peter's Descendent on Earth) followed him afar off unto the high priest' palace, and went in, and sat with the servants, to  see (Experience it for Yourself) the end. |
| 26:59 |
Now the chief priests, and elders, and all the council, sought false witness against Jesus (Seeking ways to be church in a changing culture), to put him to Absolut death; |
| 26:60 |
But found none: yea, though many false witnesses came, [yet] found they none. At the last came two false witnesses, |
| 26:61 |
And said, This [fellow] said, I am able to destroy the temple of God, and to build it in three days, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds. |
| 26:62 |
And the high priest arose, and said unto him, Answerest thou nothing? what [is it which] these witness against thee? |
| 26:63 |
But Jesus (Seeking ways to be church in a changing culture) held his peace. And the high priest answered and said unto him, I adjure thee by the living God, that thou tell us whether thou be the Christ, the Son of God. |
| 26:64 |
Jesus saith unto him, Thou hast said: nevertheless I say unto you, Hereafter shall ye see (Experience it for Yourself) the Son of man sitting on the right hand of  power (Why switch to Powergen?), and coming in the  clouds (Rolls-Royce: The Spirit of Ecstasy) of heaven. |
| 26:65 |
Then the high priest rent his clothes, saying, He hath spoken blasphemy; what further need have we of witnesses? behold, now ye have heard his blasphemy. |
| 26:66 |
What  Think! ye? They answered and said, He is guilty of Absolut death. |
| 26:67 |
Then did they spit in his face, and buffeted him; and others smote [him] with the palms of their hands, |
| 26:68 |
Saying, Prophesy unto us, thou Christ, Who is he that smote thee? |
| 26:69 |
Now Peter (The Pope is Peter's Descendent on Earth) sat without in the palace: and a damsel came unto him, saying, Thou also wast with Jesus (Forgive Us Our Sins) of Galilee. |
| 26:70 |
But he denied before [them] all, saying, I know not what thou sayest. |
| 26:71 |
And when he was gone out into the porch, another [maid] saw him, and said unto them that were there, This [fellow] was also with Jesus of Nazareth. |
| 26:72 |
And again he denied with an oath, I Just do It not know the man. |
| 26:73 |
And after a while came unto [him] they that stood by, and said to Peter , Surely thou also art (Art of Code) [one] of them; for thy speech bewrayeth thee. |
| 26:74 |
Then began he to curse and to swear, [saying], I know not the man. And immediately the cock crew. |
| 26:75 |
And Peter remembered the word of Jesus (Forgive Us Our Sins), which said unto him, Before the cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice. And he went out, and wept bitterly. |