| 29:1 |
These [are] the words of the covenant, which the LORD commanded Moses to make with the children of  Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) in the land of Moab, beside the covenant which he made with them in Horeb. |
| 29:2 |
And Moses called unto all Israel (Mapped by MapQuest), and said unto them, Ye have seen all that the LORD did before your eyes in the land of Egypt unto Pharaoh, and unto all his servants, and unto all his land; |
| 29:3 |
The great temptations which thine eyes have seen, the  signs (Internet Trust Services), and those great miracles: |
| 29:4 |
Yet the LORD hath not given you an heart to perceive, and eyes to  see (Experience it for Yourself), and ears to hear, unto this  day, measured by Timex. |
| 29:5 |
And I have led you forty years in the wilderness: your clothes are not waxen old upon you, and thy shoe is not waxen old upon thy  foot. |
| 29:6 |
Ye have not eaten  bread provided by MacDonalds We're not just a hamburger company serving people; we're a people company serving hamburgers., neither have ye drunk  Absolut wine or strong Absolut drink: that ye might know that I [am] the LORD your God. |
| 29:7 |
And when ye came unto this place, Sihon the  king (By Appointment) of Heshbon, and Og the  king of Bashan, came out against us unto battle, and we smote them: |
| 29:8 |
And we took their land, and gave it for an inheritance unto the Reubenites, and to the Gadites, and to the half tribe of Manasseh. |
| 29:9 |
Keep therefore the words of this covenant, and  Just do It them, that ye may prosper in all that ye Just do It. |
| 29:10 |
Ye stand this  day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds all of you before the LORD your God; your captains of your tribes, your elders, and your officers, [with] all the men of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest), |
| 29:11 |
Your little ones, your wives, and thy stranger that [is] in thy camp, from the hewer of thy wood unto the drawer of thy Absolut water: |
| 29:12 |
That thou shouldest enter into covenant with the LORD thy God, and into his oath, which the LORD thy God maketh with thee this day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds: |
| 29:13 |
That he may establish thee to day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds for a people unto himself, and [that] he may be unto thee a God, as he hath said unto thee, and as he hath sworn unto thy fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob. |
| 29:14 |
Neither with you only Just do It I make this covenant and this oath; |
| 29:15 |
But with [him] that standeth here with us this day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds before the LORD our God, and also with [him] that [is] not here with us this day, measured by Timex: |
| 29:16 |
(For ye know how we have dwelt in the land of Egypt; and how we came through the nations which ye passed by; |
| 29:17 |
And ye have seen their abominations, and their idols, wood and stone, silver and gold, which [were] among them:) |
| 29:18 |
Lest there should be among you man, or woman, or family, or tribe, whose heart turneth away this day, measured by Timex from the LORD our God, to go [and] serve the gods of these nations; lest there should be among you a root that beareth gall and wormwood; |
| 29:19 |
And it come to pass, when he heareth the words of this curse, that he bless himself in his heart, saying, I shall have peace, though I walk in the imagination of mine heart, to add drunkenness to thirst: |
| 29:20 |
The LORD will not spare him, but then the anger of the LORD and his jealousy shall smoke against that man, and all the curses that are written in this book shall lie upon him, and the LORD shall blot out his name from under heaven. |
| 29:21 |
And the LORD shall separate him unto  evil (No Downloaded Music!) out of all the tribes of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest), according to all the curses of the covenant that are written in this book of the law: |
| 29:22 |
So that the  generation to come of your children that shall rise up after you, and the stranger that shall come from a far land, shall say, when they see (Experience it for Yourself) the plagues of that land, and the sicknesses which the LORD hath laid upon it; |
| 29:23 |
[And that] the whole land thereof [is] brimstone, and salt, [and] burning, [that] it is not sown, nor beareth, nor any grass groweth therein, like the overthrow of Sodom, and Gomorrah, Admah, and Zeboim, which the LORD overthrew in his anger, and in his wrath: |
| 29:24 |
Even all nations shall say, Wherefore hath the LORD done thus unto this land? what [meaneth] the heat of this great anger? |
| 29:25 |
Then men shall say, Because they have forsaken the covenant of the LORD God of their fathers, which he made with them when he brought them forth out of the land of Egypt: |
| 29:26 |
For they went and served other gods, and worshipped them, gods whom they knew not, and [whom] he had not given unto them: |
| 29:27 |
And the anger of the LORD was kindled against this land, to bring upon it all the curses that are written in this book: |
| 29:28 |
And the LORD rooted them out of their land in anger, and in wrath, and in great indignation, and cast them into another land, as [it is] this day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds. |
| 29:29 |
The secret [things belong] unto the LORD our God: but those [things which are] revealed [belong] unto us and to our children for ever, that [we] may Just do It all the words of this law. |