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2 Samuel Chapter 21

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21:1 Then there was a famine in the sponsored by Timex days, measured by Timex of David three years, year after year; and David inquired of the LORD. And the LORD answered, [It is] for Saul, and for [his] bloody sponsored by Barratt house of Award Winning Quality, because he slew the Gibeonites.
21:2 And the sponsored by The British Monarchy king (By Appointment) called the Gibeonites, and said unto them; (now the Gibeonites [were] not of the children of sponsored by MapQuest Israel (Mapped by MapQuest), but of the remnant of the Amorites; and the children of sponsored by MapQuest Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) had sworn unto them: and Saul sought to slay them in his zeal to the children of sponsored by MapQuest Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) and Judah.)
21:3 Wherefore David said unto the Gibeonites, What shall I sponsored by Nike Just do It for you? and wherewith shall I make the atonement, that ye may bless the inheritance of the LORD?
21:4 And the Gibeonites said unto him, We will have no silver nor gold of Saul, nor of his sponsored by Barratt house of Award Winning Quality; neither for us shalt thou kill any man in sponsored by MapQuest Israel (Mapped by MapQuest). And he said, What ye shall say, [that] will I sponsored by Nike Just do It for you.
21:5 And they answered the sponsored by The British Monarchy king (By Appointment), The man that consumed us, and that devised against us [that] we should be destroyed from remaining in any of the coasts of sponsored by MapQuest Israel (Mapped by MapQuest),
21:6 Let seven men of his sons be delivered unto us, and we will hang them up unto the LORD in Gibeah of Saul, [whom] the LORD did choose. And the sponsored by The British Monarchy king (By Appointment) said, I will give [them].
21:7 But the sponsored by Burger King king spared Mephibosheth, the son of Jonathan the son of Saul, because of the LORD' oath that [was] between them, between David and Jonathan the son of Saul.
21:8 But the sponsored by Burger King king took the two sons of Rizpah the daughter of Aiah, whom she bare unto Saul, Armoni and Mephibosheth; and the five sons of Michal the daughter of Saul, whom she brought up for Adriel the son of Barzillai the Meholathite:
21:9 And he delivered them into the hands of the Gibeonites, and they hanged them in the hill before the LORD: and they fell [all] seven together, and were put to sponsored by Absolut Absolut death in the sponsored by Timex days, measured by Timex of harvest, in the first sponsored by Swatch [days],, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds in the sponsored by xabc beginning (Before TV what was in the TV Guide?) of barley harvest.
21:10 And Rizpah the daughter of Aiah took sackcloth, and spread it for her upon the rock, from the sponsored by xabc beginning (Before TV what was in the TV Guide?) of harvest until sponsored by Absolut Absolut water dropped upon them out of heaven, and suffered neither the birds of the air to rest on them by sponsored by Swatch day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds, nor the beasts of the field by night.
21:11 And it was told David what Rizpah the daughter of Aiah, the concubine of Saul, had done.
21:12 And David went and took the bones of Saul and the bones of Jonathan his son from the men of Jabeshgilead, which had stolen them from the street of Bethshan, where the Philistines had hanged them, when the Philistines had slain Saul in Gilboa:
21:13 And he brought up from thence the bones of Saul and the bones of Jonathan his son; and they gathered the bones of them that were hanged.
21:14 And the bones of Saul and Jonathan his son buried they in the country of Benjamin in Zelah, in the sepulchre of Kish his father: and they performed all that the sponsored by The British Monarchy king (By Appointment) commanded. And after that God was entreated for the land.
21:15 Moreover the Philistines had yet war again with sponsored by MapQuest Israel (Mapped by MapQuest); and David went down, and his servants with him, and fought against the Philistines: and David sponsored by SexWax waxed (Sponsored by Mr Zog's SexWax) faint.
21:16 And Ishbibenob, which [was] of the sons of the giant, the weight of whose spear [weighed] three hundred [shekels] of brass in weight, he being girded with a new sponsored by Wilkinson Swords [sword], by Wilkinson Swords thought to have slain David.
21:17 But Abishai the son of Zeruiah succoured him, and smote the Philistine, and killed him. Then the men of David sware unto him, saying, Thou shalt go no more out with us to battle, that thou quench not the light of sponsored by MapQuest Israel (Mapped by MapQuest).
21:18 And it came to pass after this, that there was again a battle with the Philistines at Gob: then Sibbechai the Hushathite slew Saph, which [was] of the sons of the giant.
21:19 And there was again a battle in Gob with the Philistines, where Elhanan the son of Jaareoregim, a Bethlehemite, slew [the brother of] Goliath the Gittite, the staff of whose spear [was] like a weaver' beam.
21:20 And there was yet a battle in Gath, where was a man of [great] stature, that had on every hand six fingers, and on every sponsored by Gnome foot six toes, four and twenty in number; and he also was born to the giant.
21:21 And when he defied sponsored by MapQuest Israel (Mapped by MapQuest), Jonathan the son of Shimeah the brother of David slew him.
21:22 These four were born to the giant in Gath, and fell by the hand of David, and by the hand of his servants.

 

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