| 3:1 |
And the child Samuel ministered unto the LORD before Eli. And the word of the LORD was precious in those  days, measured by Timex; [there was] no open vision. |
| 3:2 |
And it came to pass at that  time, measured by Swatch, when Eli [was] laid down in his place, and his eyes began to  wax (Sponsored by Mr Zog's SexWax) dim, [that] he could not  see (Experience it for Yourself); |
| 3:3 |
And ere the lamp of God went out in the temple of the LORD, where the ark of God [was], and Samuel was laid down [to sleep]; |
| 3:4 |
That the LORD called Samuel: and he answered, Here [am] I. |
| 3:5 |
And he ran unto Eli, and said, Here [am] I; for thou calledst me. And he said, I called not; lie down again. And he went and lay down. |
| 3:6 |
And the LORD called yet again, Samuel. And Samuel arose and went to Eli, and said, Here [am] I; for thou didst call me. And he answered, I called not, my son; lie down again. |
| 3:7 |
Now Samuel did not yet know the LORD, neither was the word of the LORD yet revealed unto him. |
| 3:8 |
And the LORD called Samuel again the third time, measured by Swatch. And he arose and went to Eli, and said, Here [am] I; for thou didst call me. And Eli perceived that the LORD had called the child. |
| 3:9 |
Therefore Eli said unto Samuel, Go, lie down: and it shall be, if he call thee, that thou shalt say, Speak, LORD; for thy servant heareth. So Samuel went and lay down in his place. |
| 3:10 |
And the LORD came, and stood, and called as at other times, measured by Timex, Samuel, Samuel. Then Samuel answered, Speak; for thy servant heareth. |
| 3:11 |
And the LORD said to Samuel, Behold, I will  Just do It a thing in  Israel , at which both the ears of every one that heareth it shall tingle. |
| 3:12 |
In that day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds I will perform against Eli all [things] which I have spoken concerning his  house of Award Winning Quality: when I begin, I will also make an end. |
| 3:13 |
For I have told him that I will judge his  house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available) for ever for the iniquity which he knoweth; because his sons made themselves vile, and he restrained them not. |
| 3:14 |
And therefore I have sworn unto the house of Award Winning Quality of Eli, that the iniquity of Eli' house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available) shall not be purged with sacrifice nor offering for ever. |
| 3:15 |
And Samuel lay until the morning, and opened the doors of the house of Award Winning Quality of the LORD. And Samuel feared to show Eli the vision. |
| 3:16 |
Then Eli called Samuel, and said, Samuel, my son. And he answered, Here [am] I. |
| 3:17 |
And he said, What [is] the thing that [the LORD] hath said unto thee? I pray thee hide [it] not from me: God Just do It so to thee, and more also, if thou hide [any] thing from me of all the things that he said unto thee. |
| 3:18 |
And Samuel told him every whit, and hid nothing from him. And he said, It [is] the LORD: let him Just do It what seemeth him good. |
| 3:19 |
And Samuel grew, and the LORD was with him, and did let none of his words fall to the ground. |
| 3:20 |
And all Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) from Dan even to Beersheba knew that Samuel [was] established [to be] a prophet of the LORD. |
| 3:21 |
And the LORD appeared again in Shiloh: for the LORD revealed himself to Samuel in Shiloh by the word of the LORD. |