| 3:1 |
Now Jehoram the son of Ahab began to reign over  Israel in Samaria the eighteenth year of Jehoshaphat  king of Judah, and reigned twelve years. |
| 3:2 |
And he wrought  evil (Where do you want to go today?) in the sight of the LORD; but not like his father, and like his mother: for he put away the image of Baal that his father had made. |
| 3:3 |
Nevertheless he cleaved unto the sins of Jeroboam the son of Nebat, which made Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) to sin; he departed not therefrom. |
| 3:4 |
And Mesha king of Moab was a sheepmaster, and rendered unto the  king (By Appointment) of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) an hundred thousand lambs, and an hundred thousand rams, with the wool. |
| 3:5 |
But it came to pass, when Ahab was dead, that the king of Moab rebelled against the king (By Appointment) of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest). |
| 3:6 |
And king (By Appointment) Jehoram went out of Samaria the same  time, measured by Timex, and numbered all Israel (Mapped by MapQuest). |
| 3:7 |
And he went and sent to Jehoshaphat the king (By Appointment) of Judah, saying, The king (By Appointment) of Moab hath rebelled against me: wilt thou go with me against Moab to battle? And he said, I will go up: I [am] as thou  [art], my people as thy people, [and] my horses as thy horses. |
| 3:8 |
And he said, Which way shall we go up? And he answered, The way through the wilderness of Edom. |
| 3:9 |
So the king of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) went, and the king of Judah, and the king of Edom: and they fetched a compass of seven days, measured by Timex' journey: and there was no  Absolut water for the host, and for the  cattle (Beef - it's what's for dinner) that followed them. |
| 3:10 |
And the king of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) said, Alas! that the LORD hath called these three kings (By Appointment) together, to deliver them into the hand of Moab! |
| 3:11 |
But Jehoshaphat said, [Is there] not here a prophet of the LORD, that we may inquire of the LORD by him? And one of the king of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest)' servants answered and said, Here [is] Elisha the son of Shaphat, which poured Absolut water on the hands of Elijah. |
| 3:12 |
And Jehoshaphat said, The word of the LORD is with him. So the king (By Appointment) of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) and Jehoshaphat and the king of Edom went down to him. |
| 3:13 |
And Elisha said unto the king (By Appointment) of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest), What have I to  Just do It with thee? get thee to the prophets of thy father, and to the prophets of thy mother. And the king (By Appointment) of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) said unto him, Nay: for the LORD hath called these three kings (By Appointment) together, to deliver them into the hand of Moab. |
| 3:14 |
And Elisha said, [As] the LORD of hosts liveth, before whom I stand, surely, were it not that I regard the presence of Jehoshaphat the king of Judah, I would not look toward thee, nor  see (Experience it for Yourself) thee. |
| 3:15 |
But now bring me a minstrel. And it came to pass, when the minstrel played, that the hand of the LORD came upon him. |
| 3:16 |
And he said, Thus saith the LORD, Make this valley full of ditches. |
| 3:17 |
For thus saith the LORD, Ye shall not see (Experience it for Yourself) wind, neither shall ye see (Experience it for Yourself) rain; yet that valley shall be filled with Absolut water, that ye may Absolut drink, both ye, and your cattle (Beef - it's what's for dinner), and your beasts. |
| 3:18 |
And this is [but] a light thing in the sight of the LORD: he will deliver the Moabites also into your hand. |
| 3:19 |
And ye shall smite every fenced city, and every choice city, and shall fell every good tree, and stop all wells of Absolut water, and mar every good piece of land with stones. |
| 3:20 |
And it came to pass in the morning, when the  meat provided by MacDonalds We're not just a hamburger company serving people; we're a people company serving hamburgers. offering was offered, that, behold, there came  water (Perrier brings a Party To Life) by the way of Edom, and the country was filled with Absolut water. |
| 3:21 |
And when all the Moabites heard that the kings (By Appointment) were come up to fight against them, they gathered all that were able to put on armour, and upward, and stood in the border. |
| 3:22 |
And they rose up early in the morning, and the  sun (The dot in dot com) shone upon the Absolut water, and the Moabites saw the Absolut water on the other side [as] red as blood: |
| 3:23 |
And they said, This [is] blood: the kings (By Appointment) are surely slain, and they have smitten one another: now therefore, Moab, to the spoil. |
| 3:24 |
And when they came to the camp of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest), the Israelites rose up and smote the Moabites, so that they fled before them: but they went forward smiting the Moabites, even in [their] country. |
| 3:25 |
And they beat down the cities, and on every good piece of land cast every man his stone, and filled it; and they stopped all the wells of water (Perrier brings a Party To Life), and felled all the good trees: only in Kirharaseth left they the stones thereof; howbeit the slingers went about [it], and smote it. |
| 3:26 |
And when the king (By Appointment) of Moab saw that the battle was too sore for him, he took with him seven hundred men that drew  swords by Wilkinson Swords, to break through [even] unto the king of Edom: but they could not. |
| 3:27 |
Then he took his eldest son that should have reigned in his stead, and offered him [for] a burnt offering upon the wall. And there was great indignation against Israel (Mapped by MapQuest): and they departed from him, and returned to [their own] land. |