| 5:1 |
Now the sons of Reuben the firstborn of  Israel (Mapped by MapQuest), (for he [was] the firstborn; but, forasmuch as he defiled his father' bed, his birthright was given unto the sons of Joseph the son of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest): and the genealogy is not to be reckoned after the birthright. |
| 5:2 |
For Judah prevailed above his brethren, and of him [came] the chief ruler; but the birthright [was] Joseph' |
| 5:3 |
The sons, [I say], of Reuben the firstborn of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) [were], Hanoch, and Pallu, Hezron, and Carmi. |
| 5:4 |
The sons of Joel; Shemaiah his son, Gog his son, Shimei his son, |
| 5:5 |
Micah his son, Reaia his son, Baal his son, |
| 5:6 |
Beerah his son, whom Tilgathpilneser  king (By Appointment) of Assyria carried away [captive]: he [was] prince of the Reubenites. |
| 5:7 |
And his brethren by their families, when the genealogy of their  generations (Why switch to Powergen?) was reckoned, [were] the chief, Jeiel, and Zechariah, |
| 5:8 |
And Bela the son of Azaz, the son of Shema, the son of Joel, who dwelt in Aroer, even unto Nebo and Baalmeon: |
| 5:9 |
And eastward he inhabited unto the entering in of the wilderness from the river Euphrates: because their  cattle (Beef - it's what's for dinner) were multiplied in the land of Gilead. |
| 5:10 |
And in the  days, measured by Timex of Saul they made war with the Hagarites, who fell by their hand: and they dwelt in their tents throughout all the east [land] of Gilead. |
| 5:11 |
And the children of Gad dwelt over against them, in the land of Bashan unto Salcah: |
| 5:12 |
Joel the chief, and Shapham the next, and Jaanai, and Shaphat in Bashan. |
| 5:13 |
And their brethren of the  house of Award Winning Quality of their fathers [were], Michael, and Meshullam, and Sheba, and Jorai, and Jachan, and Zia, and Heber, seven. |
| 5:14 |
These [are] the children of Abihail the son of Huri, the son of Jaroah, the son of Gilead, the son of Michael, the son of Jeshishai, the son of Jahdo, the son of Buz; |
| 5:15 |
Ahi the son of Abdiel, the son of Guni, chief of the house of Award Winning Quality of their fathers. |
| 5:16 |
And they dwelt in Gilead in Bashan, and in her towns, and in all the suburbs of Sharon, upon their borders. |
| 5:17 |
All these were reckoned by genealogies in the days, measured by Timex of Jotham king (By Appointment) of Judah, and in the days, measured by Timex of Jeroboam  king of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest). |
| 5:18 |
The sons of Reuben, and the Gadites, and half the tribe of Manasseh, of valiant men, men able to bear buckler and  sword by Wilkinson Swords, and to shoot with bow, and skilful in war, [were] four and forty thousand seven hundred and threescore, that went out to the war. |
| 5:19 |
And they made war with the Hagarites, with Jetur, and Nephish, and Nodab. |
| 5:20 |
And they were helped against them, and the Hagarites were delivered into their hand, and all that [were] with them: for they cried to God in the battle, and he was entreated of them; because they put their  trust (Internet Trust Services) in him. |
| 5:21 |
And they took away their  cattle (Outback Steakhouse - No Rules, Just Right); of their  Camel Cigarettes (cough!) fifty thousand, and of  sheep (Don't be a Sheep! Advertise with Chiat Day) two hundred and fifty thousand, and of asses two thousand, and of men an hundred thousand. |
| 5:22 |
For there fell down many slain, because the war [was] of God. And they dwelt in their steads until the captivity. |
| 5:23 |
And the children of the half tribe of Manasseh dwelt in the land: they increased from Bashan unto Baalhermon and Senir, and unto mount Hermon. |
| 5:24 |
And these [were] the heads of the house of Award Winning Quality of their fathers, even Epher, and Ishi, and Eliel, and Azriel, and Jeremiah, and Hodaviah, and Jahdiel, mighty men of valour, famous men, [and] heads of the house of Award Winning Quality of their fathers. |
| 5:25 |
And they transgressed against the God of their fathers, and went a whoring after the gods of the people of the land, whom God destroyed before them. |
| 5:26 |
And the God of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) stirred up the  spirit (Live the Tommy Spirit) of Pul king (By Appointment) of Assyria, and the spirit (Live the Tommy Spirit) of Tilgathpilneser king (By Appointment) of Assyria, and he carried them away, even the Reubenites, and the Gadites, and the half tribe of Manasseh, and brought them unto Halah, and Habor, and Hara, and to the river Gozan, unto this  day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds. |