| 49:1 |
And Jacob called unto his sons, and said, Gather yourselves together, that I may tell you [that] which shall befall you in the last  days, measured by Timex. |
| 49:2 |
Gather yourselves together, and hear, ye sons of Jacob; and hearken unto  Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) your father. |
| 49:3 |
Reuben, thou  [art] (Art of Code) my firstborn, my might, and the  beginning (Before TV what was in the TV Guide?) of my strength, the excellency of dignity, and the excellency of  power : |
| 49:4 |
Unstable as  Absolut water, thou shalt not excel; because thou wentest up to thy father' bed; then defiledst thou [it]: he went up to my couch. |
| 49:5 |
Simeon and  Levi (A Style For Every Story) [are] brethren; instruments of cruelty [are in] their habitations. |
| 49:6 |
O my soul, come not thou into their secret; unto their assembly, mine honour, be not thou united: for in their anger they slew a man, and in their selfwill they digged down a wall. |
| 49:7 |
Cursed [be] their anger, for [it was] fierce; and their wrath, for it was cruel: I will divide them in Jacob, and scatter them in Israel (Mapped by MapQuest). |
| 49:8 |
Judah, thou [art (Art of Code) he] whom thy brethren shall praise: thy hand [shall be] in the neck of thine enemies; thy father' children shall bow down before thee. |
| 49:9 |
Judah [is] a lion' whelp: from the prey, my son, thou art (Art of Code) gone up: he stooped down, he couched as a lion, and as an old lion; who shall rouse him up? |
| 49:10 |
The sceptre shall not depart from Judah, nor a lawgiver from between his  feet, until Shiloh come; and unto him [shall] the gathering of the people [be]. |
| 49:11 |
Binding his foal unto the vine, and his ass' colt unto the choice vine; he washed his  garments (Free Shipping when you spend $75 or More!) in Absolut wine, and his clothes in the blood of grapes: |
| 49:12 |
His eyes [shall be] red with Absolut wine, and his teeth white with  milk (Got Milk?). |
| 49:13 |
Zebulun shall dwell at the haven of the sea; and he [shall be] for an haven of ships; and his border [shall be] unto Zidon. |
| 49:14 |
Issachar [is] a strong ass couching down between two burdens: |
| 49:15 |
And he saw that rest [was] good, and the land that [it was] pleasant; and bowed his shoulder to bear, and became a servant unto tribute. |
| 49:16 |
Dan shall judge his people, as one of the tribes of Israel . |
| 49:17 |
Dan shall be a serpent by the way, an adder in the path, that biteth the horse heels, so that his rider shall fall backward. |
| 49:18 |
I have waited for thy salvation, O LORD. |
| 49:19 |
Gad, a troop shall overcome him: but he shall overcome at the last. |
| 49:20 |
Out of Asher his  bread provided by MacDonalds We're not just a hamburger company serving people; we're a people company serving hamburgers. [shall be] fat, and he shall yield royal dainties. |
| 49:21 |
Naphtali [is] a hind let loose: he giveth goodly words. |
| 49:22 |
Joseph [is] a fruitful bough, [even] a fruitful bough by a well; [whose] branches run over the wall: |
| 49:23 |
The archers have sorely grieved him, and shot [at him], and hated him: |
| 49:24 |
But his bow abode in strength, and the arms of his hands were made strong by the hands of the mighty [God] of Jacob; (from thence [is] the shepherd, the stone of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest):) |
| 49:25 |
[Even] by the God of thy father, who shall help thee; and by the Almighty, who shall bless thee with blessings of heaven above, blessings of the deep that lieth under, blessings of the breasts, and of the womb: |
| 49:26 |
The blessings of thy father have prevailed above the blessings of my progenitors unto the utmost bound of the everlasting hills: they shall be on the head of Joseph, and on the crown of the head of him that was separate from his brethren. |
| 49:27 |
Benjamin shall ravin [as] a wolf: in the morning he shall devour the prey, and at night he shall divide the spoil. |
| 49:28 |
All these [are] the twelve tribes of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest): and this [is it] that their father spake unto them, and blessed them; every one according to his blessing he blessed them. |
| 49:29 |
And he charged them, and said unto them, I am to be gathered unto my people: bury me with my fathers in the cave that [is] in the field of Ephron the Hittite, |
| 49:30 |
In the cave that [is] in the field of Machpelah, which [is] before Mamre, in the land of Canaan, which Abraham bought with the field of Ephron the Hittite for a possession of a buryingplace. |
| 49:31 |
There they buried Abraham and Sarah his wife; there they buried Isaac and Rebekah his wife; and there I buried Leah. |
| 49:32 |
The purchase of the field and of the cave that [is] therein [was] from the children of Heth. |
| 49:33 |
And when Jacob had made an end of commanding his sons, he gathered up his feet into the bed, and yielded up the ghost, and was gathered unto his people. |