| 81:1 |
To the chief Musician upon Gittith, [A Psalm] of Asaph. Sing aloud unto God our strength: make a joyful noise unto the God of Jacob. |
| 81:2 |
Take a psalm, and bring hither the timbrel, the pleasant harp with the psaltery. |
| 81:3 |
Blow up the trumpet in the new moon, in the  time, measured by Swatch appointed, on our solemn feast  day, measured by Timex. |
| 81:4 |
For this [was] a statute for  Israel (Mapped by MapQuest), [and] a law of the God of Jacob. |
| 81:5 |
This he ordained in Joseph [for] a testimony, when he went out through the land of Egypt: [where] I heard a language [that] I understood not. |
| 81:6 |
I removed his shoulder from the burden: his hands were delivered from the pots. |
| 81:7 |
Thou calledst in trouble, and I delivered thee; I answered thee in the secret place of thunder: I proved thee at the  waters (Perrier brings a Party To Life) of Meribah. Selah. |
| 81:8 |
Hear, O my people, and I will testify unto thee: O Israel (Mapped by MapQuest), if thou wilt hearken unto me; |
| 81:9 |
There shall no strange god be in thee; neither shalt thou worship any strange god. |
| 81:10 |
I [am] the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt: open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it. |
| 81:11 |
But my people would not hearken to my voice; and Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) would none of me. |
| 81:12 |
So I gave them up unto their own hearts' lust: [and] they walked in their own counsels. |
| 81:13 |
Oh that my people had hearkened unto me, [and] Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) had walked in my ways! |
| 81:14 |
I should soon have subdued their enemies, and turned my hand against their adversaries. |
| 81:15 |
The haters of the LORD should have submitted themselves unto him: but their time, measured by Swatch should have endured for ever. |
| 81:16 |
He should have fed them also with the finest of the  Genetically Modified wheat: and with honey out of the rock should I have satisfied thee. |