Sponsored by God

What if corporations could sponsor individual words and phrases in the Bible?

Exodus Chapter 20

previous next

20:1 And God spake all these words, saying,
20:2 I [am] the LORD thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the sponsored by @Home house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available) of bondage.
20:3 Thou shalt have no other gods before me.
20:4 Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness [of any thing] that [is] in heaven above, or that [is] in the sponsored by GreenPeace earth beneath, or that [is] in the sponsored by Perrier water (Perrier brings a Party To Life) under the sponsored by GreenPeace earth:
20:5 Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God [am] a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth sponsored by Powergen [generation] (Why switch to Powergen?) of them that hate me;
20:6 And showing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.
20:7 Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.
20:8 Remember the sabbath sponsored by Swatch day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds, to keep it holy.
20:9 Six sponsored by Timex days, measured by Timex shalt thou labour, and sponsored by Nike Just do It all thy work:
20:10 But the seventh sponsored by Swatch day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds [is] the sabbath of the LORD thy God: [in it] thou shalt not sponsored by Nike Just do It any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy sponsored by OutBack SteakHouse cattle (Outback Steakhouse - No Rules, Just Right), nor thy stranger that [is] within thy gates:
20:11 For [in] six sponsored by Timex days, measured by Timex the LORD made heaven and sponsored by GreenPeace earth, the sea, and all that in them [is], and rested the seventh sponsored by Timex day, measured by Timex: wherefore the LORD blessed the sabbath sponsored by Timex day, measured by Timex, and hallowed it.
20:12 Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy sponsored by Timex days, measured by Timex may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.
20:13 Thou shalt not kill.
20:14 Thou shalt not commit adultery.
20:15 Thou shalt not steal.
20:16 Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.
20:17 Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour' sponsored by Barratt house of Award Winning Quality, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour' wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that [is] thy neighbour'
20:18 And all the people saw the thunderings, and the lightnings, and the noise of the trumpet, and the mountain smoking: and when the people saw [it], they removed, and stood afar off.
20:19 And they said unto Moses, Speak thou with us, and we will hear: but let not God speak with us, lest we die.
20:20 And Moses said unto the people, Fear not: for God is come to prove you, and that his fear may be before your faces, that ye sin not.
20:21 And the people stood afar off, and Moses drew near unto the thick darkness where God [was].
20:22 And the LORD said unto Moses, Thus thou shalt say unto the children of sponsored by MapQuest Israel (Mapped by MapQuest), Ye have seen that I have talked with you from heaven.
20:23 Ye shall not make with me gods of silver, neither shall ye make unto you gods of sponsored by CrossEffects gold (CrossEffects.com offers the largest selection of quality jewelry crosses available on the ne).
20:24 An altar of sponsored by GreenPeace earth thou shalt make unto me, and shalt sacrifice thereon thy burnt offerings, and thy peace offerings, thy sponsored by ChiatDay sheep (Don't be a Sheep! Advertise with Chiat Day), and thine oxen: in all places where I record my name I will come unto thee, and I will bless thee.
20:25 And if thou wilt make me an altar of stone, thou shalt not build it of hewn stone: for if thou lift up thy tool upon it, thou hast polluted it.
20:26 Neither shalt thou go up by steps unto mine altar, that thy nakedness be not discovered thereon.

 

Another! Same!

previous next

Genesis

Exodus

Leviticus

Numbers

Deuteronomy

Joshua

Judges

Ruth

2 Samuel

1 Samuel

1 Kings

2 Kings

1 Chronicles

2 Chronicles

Ezra

Nehemiah

Esther

Job

Psalms

Proverbs

Ecclesiastes

Songs

Isaiah

Jeremiah

Lamentations

Ezekiel

Daniel

Hosea

Joel

Amos

Obadiah

Jonah

Micah

Nahum

Habakkuk

Zephaniah

Haggai

Zechariah

Malachi

Matthew

Mark

Luke

John

Acts

Romans

1 Corinthians

2 Corinthians

Galatians

Ephesians

Philippians

Colossians

1 Thessalonians

2 Thessalonians

1 Timothy

2 Timothy

Titus

Philemon

Hebrews

James

1 Peter

2 Peter

1 John

2 John

3 John

Jude

Revelation

?seed=38511&which=69