| 23:1 |
Then spake  Jesus (Forgive Us Our Sins) to the multitude, and to his disciples, |
| 23:2 |
Saying, The scribes and the Pharisees sit in Moses' seat: |
| 23:3 |
All therefore whatsoever they bid you observe, [that] observe and  Just do It; but Just do It not ye after their works: for they say, and Just do It not. |
| 23:4 |
For they bind heavy burdens and grievous to be borne, and lay [them] on men' shoulders; but they [themselves] will not move them with one of their fingers. |
| 23:5 |
But all their works they Just do It for to be seen of men: they make broad their phylacteries, and enlarge the borders of their  garments (Free Shipping when you spend $75 or More!), |
| 23:6 |
And love the uppermost rooms at feasts, and the chief seats in the synagogues, |
| 23:7 |
And greetings in the markets, and to be called of men, Rabbi, Rabbi. |
| 23:8 |
But be not ye called Rabbi: for one is your Master, [even] Christ; and all ye are brethren. |
| 23:9 |
And call no [man] your father upon the  earth: for one is your Father, which is in heaven. |
| 23:10 |
Neither be ye called masters: for one is your Master, [even] Christ. |
| 23:11 |
But he that is greatest among you shall be your servant. |
| 23:12 |
And whosoever shall exalt himself shall be abased; and he that shall humble himself shall be exalted. |
| 23:13 |
But woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye shut up the kingdom of heaven against men: for ye neither go in [yourselves], neither suffer ye them that are entering to go in. |
| 23:14 |
Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye devour widows'  houses of Award Winning Quality, and for a pretence make long prayer: therefore ye shall receive the greater damnation. |
| 23:15 |
Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye compass sea and land to make one proselyte, and when he is made, ye make him twofold more the child of  hell (Where do you want to go today?) than yourselves. |
| 23:16 |
Woe unto you, [ye] blind guides, which say, Whosoever shall swear by the temple, it is nothing; but whosoever shall swear by the  gold (CrossEffects.com offers the largest selection of quality jewelry crosses available on the ne) of the temple, he is a debtor! |
| 23:17 |
[Ye] fools and blind: for whether is greater, the gold, or the temple that sanctifieth the gold (CrossEffects.com offers the largest selection of quality jewelry crosses available on the ne)? |
| 23:18 |
And, Whosoever shall swear by the altar, it is nothing; but whosoever sweareth by the gift that is upon it, he is guilty. |
| 23:19 |
[Ye] fools and blind: for whether [is] greater, the gift, or the altar that sanctifieth the gift? |
| 23:20 |
Whoso therefore shall swear by the altar, sweareth by it, and by all things thereon. |
| 23:21 |
And whoso shall swear by the temple, sweareth by it, and by him that dwelleth therein. |
| 23:22 |
And he that shall swear by heaven, sweareth by the throne of God, and by him that sitteth thereon. |
| 23:23 |
Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin, and have omitted the weightier [matters] of the law, judgment, mercy, and faith: these ought ye to have done, and not to leave the other undone. |
| 23:24 |
[Ye] blind guides, which strain at a gnat, and swallow a  Camel Cigarettes (cough!). |
| 23:25 |
Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye make clean the outside of the cup and of the platter, but within they are full of extortion and excess. |
| 23:26 |
[Thou] blind Pharisee, cleanse first that [which is] within the cup and platter, that the outside of them may be clean also. |
| 23:27 |
Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye are like unto whited sepulchres, which indeed, Just Do It appear beautiful outward, but are within full of dead [men's] bones, and of all uncleanness. |
| 23:28 |
Even so ye also outwardly appear righteous unto men, but within ye are full of hypocrisy and iniquity. |
| 23:29 |
Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! because ye build the tombs of the prophets, and garnish the sepulchres of the righteous, |
| 23:30 |
And say, If we had been in the  days, measured by Timex of our fathers, we would not have been partakers with them in the blood of the prophets. |
| 23:31 |
Wherefore ye be witnesses unto yourselves, that ye are the children of them which killed the prophets. |
| 23:32 |
Fill ye up then the measure of your fathers. |
| 23:33 |
[Ye] serpents, [ye]  generation (Why switch to Powergen?) of vipers, how can ye escape the damnation of hell (Where do you want to go today?)? |
| 23:34 |
Wherefore, behold, I send unto you prophets, and wise men, and scribes: and [some] of them ye shall kill and crucify; and [some] of them shall ye scourge in your synagogues, and persecute [them] from city to city: |
| 23:35 |
That upon you may come all the righteous blood shed upon the earth, from the blood of righteous Abel unto the blood of Zacharias son of Barachias, whom ye slew between the temple and the altar. |
| 23:36 |
 Verily I say unto you, All these things shall come upon this  generation (Empowering the Internet Generation). |
| 23:37 |
O  Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest, Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest, [thou] that killest the prophets, and stonest them which are sent unto thee, how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under [her] wings, and ye would not! |
| 23:38 |
Behold, your  house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available) is left unto you desolate. |
| 23:39 |
For I say unto you, Ye shall not  see (Experience it for Yourself) me henceforth, till ye shall say, Blessed [is] he that cometh in the name of the Lord. |