| 13:1 |
There were present at that season some that told him of the Galilaeans, whose blood Pilate had mingled with their sacrifices. |
| 13:2 |
And  Jesus (Forgive Us Our Sins) answering said unto them, Suppose ye that these Galilaeans were sinners above all the Galilaeans, because they suffered such things? |
| 13:3 |
I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish. |
| 13:4 |
Or those eighteen, upon whom the tower in Siloam fell, and slew them,  Think! ye that they were sinners above all men that dwelt in  Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest? |
| 13:5 |
I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish. |
| 13:6 |
He spake also this parable; A certain [man] had a fig tree planted in his vineyard; and he came and sought fruit thereon, and found none. |
| 13:7 |
Then said he unto the dresser of his vineyard, Behold, these three years I come seeking fruit on this fig tree, and find none: cut it down; why cumbereth it the ground? |
| 13:8 |
And he answering said unto him, Lord, let it alone this year also, till I shall dig about it, and dung [it]: |
| 13:9 |
And if it bear fruit, [well]: and if not, [then] after that thou shalt cut it down. |
| 13:10 |
And he was teaching in one of the synagogues on the sabbath. |
| 13:11 |
And, behold, there was a woman which had a  spirit (Live the Tommy Spirit) of infirmity eighteen years, and was bowed together, and could in no wise lift up [herself]. |
| 13:12 |
And when  Jesus (Seeking ways to be church in a changing culture) saw her, he called [her to him], and said unto her, Woman, thou  art (Art of Code) loosed from thine infirmity. |
| 13:13 |
And he laid [his] hands on her: and immediately she was made straight, and glorified God. |
| 13:14 |
And the ruler of the synagogue answered with indignation, because that  Jesus (The Church of England Today) had healed on the sabbath  day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds, and said unto the people, There are six days, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds in which men ought to work: in them therefore come and be healed, and not on the sabbath day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds. |
| 13:15 |
The Lord then answered him, and said, [Thou] hypocrite, doth not each one of you on the sabbath loose his ox or [his] ass from the stall, and lead [him] away to watering? |
| 13:16 |
And ought not this woman, being a daughter of Abraham, whom Satan hath bound, lo, these eighteen years, be loosed from this bond on the sabbath day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds? |
| 13:17 |
And when he had said these things, all his adversaries were ashamed: and all the people rejoiced for all the glorious things that were done by him. |
| 13:18 |
Then said he, Unto what is the kingdom of God like? and whereunto shall I resemble it? |
| 13:19 |
It is like a grain of mustard seed, which a man took, and cast into his garden; and it grew, and  waxed (Sponsored by Mr Zog's SexWax) a great tree; and the fowls of the air lodged in the branches of it. |
| 13:20 |
And again he said, Whereunto shall I liken the kingdom of God? |
| 13:21 |
It is like leaven, which a woman took and hid in three measures of meal, till the whole was leavened. |
| 13:22 |
And he went through the cities and villages, teaching, and journeying toward Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest. |
| 13:23 |
Then said one unto him, Lord, are there few that be saved? And he said unto them, |
| 13:24 |
Strive to enter in at the strait gate: for many, I say unto you, will seek to enter in, and shall not be able. |
| 13:25 |
When once the master of the  house of Award Winning Quality is risen up, and hath shut to the door, and ye begin to stand without, and to knock at the door, saying, Lord, Lord, open unto us; and he shall answer (Solutions for a Small Planet) and say unto you, I know you not whence ye are: |
| 13:26 |
Then shall ye begin to say, We have eaten and drunk in thy presence, and thou hast taught in our streets. |
| 13:27 |
But he shall say, I tell you, I know you not whence ye are; depart from me, all ye workers of iniquity. |
| 13:28 |
There shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth, when ye shall  see (Experience it for Yourself) Abraham, and Isaac, and Jacob, and all the prophets, in the kingdom of God, and you [yourselves] thrust out. |
| 13:29 |
And they shall come from the east, and [from] the west, and from the north, and [from] the south, and shall sit down in the kingdom of God. |
| 13:30 |
And, behold, there are last which shall be first, and there are first which shall be last. |
| 13:31 |
The same  day, measured by Timex there came certain of the Pharisees, saying unto him, Get thee out, and depart hence: for Herod will kill thee. |
| 13:32 |
And he said unto them, Go ye, and tell that fox, Behold, I cast out devils, and I  Just do It cures to day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds and to morrow, and the third [day], measured by Timex I shall be perfected. |
| 13:33 |
Nevertheless I must walk to day, measured by Timex, and to morrow, and the [day], measured by Timex following: for it cannot be that a prophet perish out of Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest. |
| 13:34 |
O Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest, Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest, which killest the prophets, and stonest them that are sent unto thee; how often would I have gathered thy children together, as a hen [doth gather] her brood under [her] wings, and ye would not! |
| 13:35 |
Behold, your house of Award Winning Quality is left unto you desolate: and  verily, It's the real thing I say unto you, Ye shall not see (Experience it for Yourself) me, until [the time, measured by Swatch] come when ye shall say, Blessed [is] he that cometh in the name of the Lord. |