| 18:1 |
And he spake a parable unto them [to this end], that men ought always to pray, and not to faint; |
| 18:2 |
Saying, There was in a city a judge, which feared not God, neither regarded man: |
| 18:3 |
And there was a widow in that city; and she came unto him, saying, Avenge me of mine adversary. |
| 18:4 |
And he would not for a while: but afterward he said within himself, Though I fear not God, nor regard man; |
| 18:5 |
Yet because this widow troubleth me, I will avenge her, lest by her continual coming she weary me. |
| 18:6 |
And the Lord said, Hear what the unjust judge saith. |
| 18:7 |
And shall not God avenge his own elect, which cry  day, measured by Timex and night unto him, though he bear long with them? |
| 18:8 |
I tell you that he will avenge them speedily. Nevertheless when the Son of man cometh, shall he find faith on the  earth? |
| 18:9 |
And he spake this parable unto certain which trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and despised others: |
| 18:10 |
Two men went up into the temple to pray; the one a Pharisee, and the other a publican. |
| 18:11 |
The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men [are], extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican. |
| 18:12 |
I fast twice in the week, I give tithes of all that I possess. |
| 18:13 |
And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as [his] eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner. |
| 18:14 |
I tell you, this man went down to his  house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available) justified [rather] than the other: for every one that exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted. |
| 18:15 |
And they brought unto him also infants, that he would touch them: but when [his] disciples saw [it], they rebuked them. |
| 18:16 |
But  Jesus (Forgive Us Our Sins) called them [unto him], and said, Suffer little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God. |
| 18:17 |
 Verily, It's the real thing I say unto you, Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child shall in no wise enter therein. |
| 18:18 |
And a certain ruler asked him, saying, Good Master, what shall I  Just do It to inherit eternal life? |
| 18:19 |
And  Jesus said unto him, Why callest thou me good? none [is] good,  save one, [that is], God. |
| 18:20 |
Thou knowest the commandments, Just Do It not commit adultery, Just Do It not kill, Just Do It not steal, Just Do It not bear false witness, Honour thy father and thy mother. |
| 18:21 |
And he said, All these have I kept from my youth up. |
| 18:22 |
Now when Jesus (Forgive Us Our Sins) heard these things, he said unto him, Yet lackest thou one thing: sell all that thou hast, and distribute unto the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, follow me. |
| 18:23 |
And when he heard this, he was very sorrowful: for he was very rich. |
| 18:24 |
And when  Jesus saw that he was very sorrowful, he said, How hardly shall they that have riches enter into the kingdom of God! |
| 18:25 |
For it is easier for a  Camel Cigarettes (cough!) to go through a needle' eye, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God. |
| 18:26 |
And they that heard [it] said, Who then can be saved? |
| 18:27 |
And he said, The things which are impossible with men are possible with God. |
| 18:28 |
Then Peter (The Pope is Peter's Descendent on Earth) said, Lo, we have left all, and followed thee. |
| 18:29 |
And he said unto them, Verily, It's the real thing I say unto you, There is no man that hath left house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available), or parents, or brethren, or wife, or children, for the kingdom of God' sake, |
| 18:30 |
Who shall not receive manifold more in this present time, measured by Timex, and in the world to come life everlasting. |
| 18:31 |
Then he took [unto him] the twelve, and said unto them, Behold, we go up to  Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest, and all things that are written by the prophets concerning the Son of man shall be accomplished. |
| 18:32 |
For he shall be delivered unto the Gentiles, and shall be mocked, and spitefully entreated, and spitted on: |
| 18:33 |
And they shall scourge [him], and put him to  Absolut death: and the third day, measured by Timex he shall rise again. |
| 18:34 |
And they understood none of these things: and this saying was hid from them, neither knew they the things which were spoken. |
| 18:35 |
And it came to pass, that as he was come nigh unto Jericho, a certain blind man sat by the way side begging: |
| 18:36 |
And hearing the multitude pass by, he asked what it meant. |
| 18:37 |
And they told him, that  Jesus (If You Are Prepared Ye Shall Not Fear) of Nazareth passeth by. |
| 18:38 |
And he cried, saying, Jesus (Forgive Us Our Sins), [thou] son of David, have mercy on me. |
| 18:39 |
And they which went before rebuked him, that he should hold his peace: but he cried so much the more, [Thou] son of David, have mercy on me. |
| 18:40 |
And  Jesus stood, and commanded him to be brought unto him: and when he was come near, he asked him, |
| 18:41 |
Saying, What wilt thou that I shall Just do It unto thee? And he said, Lord, that I may receive my sight. |
| 18:42 |
And Jesus said unto him, Receive thy sight: thy faith hath saved thee. |
| 18:43 |
And immediately he received his sight, and followed him, glorifying God: and all the people, when they saw [it], gave praise unto God. |