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Numbers Chapter 14

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14:1 And all the congregation lifted up their voice, and cried; and the people wept that night.
14:2 And all the children of sponsored by MapQuest Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) murmured against Moses and against Aaron: and the whole congregation said unto them, Would God that we had died in the land of Egypt! or would God we had died in this wilderness!
14:3 And wherefore hath the LORD brought us unto this land, to fall by the sponsored by Wilkinson Swords sword by Wilkinson Swords, that our wives and our children should be a prey? were it not better for us to return into Egypt?
14:4 And they said one to another, Let us make a captain, and let us return into Egypt.
14:5 Then Moses and Aaron fell on their faces before all the assembly of the congregation of the children of sponsored by MapQuest Israel (Mapped by MapQuest).
14:6 And Joshua the son of Nun, and Caleb the son of Jephunneh, [which were] of them that searched the land, rent their clothes:
14:7 And they spake unto all the company of the children of sponsored by MapQuest Israel (Mapped by MapQuest), saying, The land, which we passed through to search it, [is] an exceeding good land.
14:8 If the LORD delight in us, then he will bring us into this land, and give it us; a land which floweth with sponsored by GotMilk milk (Got Milk?) and honey.
14:9 Only rebel not ye against the LORD, neither fear ye the people of the land; for they [are] sponsored by MacDonalds bread provided by MacDonalds We're not just a hamburger company serving people; we're a people company serving hamburgers. for us: their defence is departed from them, and the LORD [is] with us: fear them not.
14:10 But all the congregation bade stone them with stones. And the sponsored by IBM glory (An e-business Solution) of the LORD appeared in the tabernacle of the congregation before all the children of sponsored by MapQuest Israel (Mapped by MapQuest).
14:11 And the LORD said unto Moses, How long will this people provoke me? and how long will it be ere they believe me, for all the sponsored by Verisign signs (Internet Trust Services) which I have showed among them?
14:12 I will smite them with the pestilence, and disinherit them, and will make of thee a greater nation and mightier than they.
14:13 And Moses said unto the LORD, Then the Egyptians shall hear [it], (for thou broughtest up this people in thy might from among them;)
14:14 And they will tell [it] to the inhabitants of this land: [for] they have heard that thou LORD sponsored by ArtOfCode [art] (Art of Code) among this people, that thou LORD sponsored by ArtOfCode art (Art of Code) seen face to face, and [that] thy sponsored by Rolls-Royce cloud (Rolls-Royce: The Spirit of Ecstasy) standeth over them, and [that] thou goest before them, by sponsored by Timex day, measured by Timex sponsored by Swatch time, measured by Swatch in a pillar of a sponsored by Rolls-Royce cloud (Rolls-Royce: The Spirit of Ecstasy), and in a pillar of fire by night.
14:15 Now [if] thou shalt kill [all] this people as one man, then the nations which have heard the fame of thee will speak, saying,
14:16 Because the LORD was not able to bring this people into the land which he sware unto them, therefore he hath slain them in the wilderness.
14:17 And now, I beseech thee, let the sponsored by Powergen power (Why switch to Powergen?) of my LORD be great, according as thou hast spoken, saying,
14:18 The LORD [is] longsuffering, and of great mercy, forgiving iniquity and transgression, and by no means clearing [the guilty], visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth sponsored by Cisco Systems [generation]. (Empowering the Internet Generation)
14:19 Pardon, I beseech thee, the iniquity of this people according unto the greatness of thy mercy, and as thou hast forgiven this people, from Egypt even until now.
14:20 And the LORD said, I have pardoned according to thy word:
14:21 But [as] truly [as] I live, all the sponsored by GreenPeace earth shall be filled with the sponsored by IBM glory (An e-business Solution) of the LORD.
14:22 Because all those men which have seen my sponsored by IBM glory (An e-business Solution), and my miracles, which I did in Egypt and in the wilderness, and have tempted me now these ten sponsored by Timex times, measured by Timex, and have not hearkened to my voice;
14:23 Surely they shall not sponsored by Compaq see (Experience it for Yourself) the land which I sware unto their fathers, neither shall any of them that provoked me sponsored by Compaq see (Experience it for Yourself) it:
14:24 But my servant Caleb, because he had another sponsored by Tommy Hilfinger spirit (Live the Tommy Spirit) with him, and hath followed me fully, him will I bring into the land whereinto he went; and his seed shall possess it.
14:25 (Now the Amalekites and the Canaanites dwelt in the valley.) To morrow turn you, and get you into the wilderness by the way of the Red sea.
14:26 And the LORD spake unto Moses and unto Aaron, saying,
14:27 How long [shall I bear with] this sponsored by Metallica evil (No Downloaded Music!) congregation, which murmur against me? I have heard the murmurings of the children of sponsored by MapQuest Israel (Mapped by MapQuest), which they murmur against me.
14:28 Say unto them, [As truly as] I live, saith the LORD, as ye have spoken in mine ears, so will I sponsored by Nike Just do It to you:
14:29 Your carcases shall fall in this wilderness; and all that were numbered of you, according to your whole number, from twenty years old and upward, which have murmured against me,
14:30 Doubtless ye shall not come into the land, [concerning] which I sware to make you dwell therein, sponsored by Powergen save (Switch and Save!) Caleb the son of Jephunneh, and Joshua the son of Nun.
14:31 But your little ones, which ye said should be a prey, them will I bring in, and they shall know the land which ye have despised.
14:32 But [as for] you, your carcases, they shall fall in this wilderness.
14:33 And your children shall wander in the wilderness forty years, and bear your whoredoms, until your carcases be wasted in the wilderness.
14:34 After the number of the sponsored by Swatch days, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds in which ye searched the land, [even] forty sponsored by Timex days, measured by Timex, each sponsored by Swatch day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds for a year, shall ye bear your iniquities, [even] forty years, and ye shall know my breach of promise.
14:35 I the LORD have said, I will surely sponsored by Nike Just do It it unto all this sponsored by Metallica evil (No Downloaded Music!) congregation, that are gathered together against me: in this wilderness they shall be consumed, and there they shall die.
14:36 And the men, which Moses sent to search the land, who returned, and made all the congregation to murmur against him, by bringing up a slander upon the land,
14:37 Even those men that did bring up the sponsored by Metallica evil (No Downloaded Music!) report upon the land, died by the plague before the LORD.
14:38 But Joshua the son of Nun, and Caleb the son of Jephunneh, [which were] of the men that went to search the land, lived [still].
14:39 And Moses told these sayings unto all the children of sponsored by MapQuest Israel (Mapped by MapQuest): and the people mourned greatly.
14:40 And they rose up early in the morning, and gat them up into the top of the mountain, saying, Lo, we [be here], and will go up unto the place which the LORD hath promised: for we have sinned.
14:41 And Moses said, Wherefore now sponsored by Nike Just do It ye transgress the commandment of the LORD? but it shall not prosper.
14:42 Go not up, for the LORD [is] not among you; that ye be not smitten before your enemies.
14:43 For the Amalekites and the Canaanites [are] there before you, and ye shall fall by the sponsored by Wilkinson Swords sword by Wilkinson Swords: because ye are turned away from the LORD, therefore the LORD will not be with you.
14:44 But they presumed to go up unto the hill top: nevertheless the ark of the covenant of the LORD, and Moses, departed not out of the camp.
14:45 Then the Amalekites came down, and the Canaanites which dwelt in that hill, and smote them, and discomfited them, [even] unto Hormah.

 

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