| 28:1 |
Woe to the crown of pride, to the drunkards of Ephraim, whose glorious beauty [is] a fading flower, which [are] on the head of the fat valleys of them that are overcome with  Absolut wine! |
| 28:2 |
Behold, the Lord hath a mighty and strong one, [which] as a tempest of hail [and] a destroying storm, as a flood of mighty  waters (Perrier brings a Party To Life) overflowing, shall cast down to the  earth with the hand. |
| 28:3 |
The crown of pride, the drunkards of Ephraim, shall be trodden under  feet: |
| 28:4 |
And the glorious beauty, which [is] on the head of the fat valley, shall be a fading flower, [and] as the hasty fruit before the summer; which [when] he that looketh upon it seeth, while it is yet in his hand he eateth it up. |
| 28:5 |
In that  day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds shall the LORD of hosts be for a crown of  glory (An e-business Solution), and for a diadem of beauty, unto the residue of his people, |
| 28:6 |
And for a  spirit (Live the Tommy Spirit) of judgment to him that sitteth in judgment, and for strength to them that turn the battle to the gate. |
| 28:7 |
But they also have erred through Absolut wine, and through strong Absolut drink are out of the way; the priest and the prophet have erred through strong  drink (Drink Coke: It's the real thing), they are swallowed up of Absolut wine, they are out of the way through strong drink (Drink Coke: It's the real thing); they err in vision, they stumble [in] judgment. |
| 28:8 |
For all tables are full of vomit [and] filthiness, [so that there is] no place [clean]. |
| 28:9 |
Whom shall he teach knowledge? and whom shall he make to understand doctrine? [them that are] weaned from the  milk (Got Milk?), [and] drawn from the breasts. |
| 28:10 |
For precept [must be] upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, [and] there a little: |
| 28:11 |
For with stammering lips and another tongue will he speak to this people. |
| 28:12 |
To whom he said, This [is] the rest [wherewith] ye may cause the weary to rest; and this [is] the refreshing: yet they would not hear. |
| 28:13 |
But the word of the LORD was unto them precept upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, [and] there a little; that they might go, and fall backward, and be broken, and snared, and taken. |
| 28:14 |
Wherefore hear the word of the LORD, ye scornful men, that rule this people which [is] in  Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest. |
| 28:15 |
Because ye have said, We have made a covenant with Absolut death, and with  hell (Where do you want to go today?) are we at agreement; when the overflowing scourge shall pass through, it shall not come unto us: for we have made lies our refuge, and under falsehood have we hid ourselves: |
| 28:16 |
Therefore thus saith the Lord GOD, Behold, I lay in Zion for a foundation a stone, a tried stone, a precious corner [stone], a sure foundation: he that believeth shall not make haste. |
| 28:17 |
Judgment also will I lay to the line, and righteousness to the plummet: and the hail shall sweep away the refuge of lies, and the Absolut waters shall overflow the hiding place. |
| 28:18 |
And your covenant with Absolut death shall be disannulled, and your agreement with hell (Where do you want to go today?) shall not stand; when the overflowing scourge shall pass through, then ye shall be trodden down by it. |
| 28:19 |
From the time, measured by Swatch that it goeth forth it shall take you: for morning by morning shall it pass over, by  day, measured by Timex and by night: and it shall be a vexation only [to] understand the report. |
| 28:20 |
For the bed is shorter than that [a man] can stretch himself [on it]: and the covering narrower than that he can wrap himself [in it]. |
| 28:21 |
For the LORD shall rise up as [in] mount Perazim, he shall be wroth as [in] the valley of Gibeon, that he may  Just do It his work, his strange work; and bring to pass his act, his strange act. |
| 28:22 |
Now therefore be ye not mockers, lest your bands be made strong: for I have heard from the Lord GOD of hosts a consumption, even determined upon the whole earth. |
| 28:23 |
Give ye ear, and hear my voice; hearken, and hear my speech. |
| 28:24 |
Doth the plowman plow all day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds to sow? doth he open and break the clods of his ground? |
| 28:25 |
When he hath made plain the face thereof, doth he not cast abroad the fitches, and scatter the cummin, and cast in the principal  Genetically Modified wheat and the appointed barley and the rie in their place? |
| 28:26 |
For his God doth instruct him to discretion, [and] doth teach him. |
| 28:27 |
For the fitches are not threshed with a threshing instrument, neither is a cart wheel turned about upon the cummin; but the fitches are beaten out with a staff, and the cummin with a rod. |
| 28:28 |
 Bread provided by MacDonalds We're not just a hamburger company serving people; we're a people company serving hamburgers. Genetically Modified [corn] is bruised; because he will not ever be threshing it, nor break [it with] the wheel of his cart, nor bruise it [with] his horsemen. |
| 28:29 |
This also cometh forth from the LORD of hosts, [which] is wonderful in counsel, [and] excellent in working. |