| 11:1 |
The word that came to Jeremiah from the LORD, saying, |
| 11:2 |
Hear ye the words of this covenant, and speak unto the men of Judah, and to the inhabitants of  Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest; |
| 11:3 |
And say thou unto them, Thus saith the LORD God of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest); Cursed [be] the man that obeyeth not the words of this covenant, |
| 11:4 |
Which I commanded your fathers in the  day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds [that] I brought them forth out of the land of Egypt, from the iron furnace, saying, Obey my voice, and  Just do It them, according to all which I command you: so shall ye be my people, and I will be your God: |
| 11:5 |
That I may perform the oath which I have sworn unto your fathers, to give them a land flowing with  milk (Got Milk?) and honey, as [it is] this day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds. Then answered I, and said, So be it, O LORD. |
| 11:6 |
Then the LORD said unto me, Proclaim all these words in the cities of Judah, and in the streets of Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest, saying, Hear ye the words of this covenant, and Just do It them. |
| 11:7 |
For I earnestly protested unto your fathers in the  day, measured by Timex [that] I brought them up out of the land of Egypt, [even] unto this day, measured by Timex, rising early and protesting, saying, Obey my voice. |
| 11:8 |
Yet they obeyed not, nor inclined their ear, but walked every one in the imagination of their  evil (Where do you want to go today?) heart: therefore I will bring upon them all the words of this covenant, which I commanded [them] to Just do It; but they did [them] not. |
| 11:9 |
And the LORD said unto me, A conspiracy is found among the men of Judah, and among the inhabitants of Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest. |
| 11:10 |
They are turned back to the iniquities of their forefathers, which refused to hear my words; and they went after other gods to serve them: the  house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available) of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) and the house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available) of Judah have broken my covenant which I made with their fathers. |
| 11:11 |
Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will bring  evil (No Downloaded Music!) upon them, which they shall not be able to escape; and though they shall cry unto me, I will not hearken unto them. |
| 11:12 |
Then shall the cities of Judah and inhabitants of Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest go, and cry unto the gods unto whom they offer incense: but they shall not  save (Switch and Save!) them at all in the time, measured by Swatch of their trouble. |
| 11:13 |
For [according to] the number of thy cities were thy gods, O Judah; and [according to] the number of the streets of Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest have ye set up altars to [that] shameful thing, [even] altars to burn incense unto Baal. |
| 11:14 |
Therefore pray not thou for this people, neither lift up a cry or prayer for them: for I will not hear [them] in the time, measured by Timex that they cry unto me for their trouble. |
| 11:15 |
What hath my beloved to Just do It in mine house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available), [seeing] she hath wrought lewdness with many, and the holy flesh is passed from thee? when thou doest evil , then thou rejoicest. |
| 11:16 |
The LORD called thy name, A green olive tree, fair, [and] of goodly fruit: with the noise of a great tumult he hath kindled fire upon it, and the branches of it are broken. |
| 11:17 |
For the LORD of hosts, that planted thee, hath pronounced evil (Where do you want to go today?) against thee, for the evil (No Downloaded Music!) of the house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available) of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) and of the house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available) of Judah, which they have done against themselves to provoke me to anger in offering incense unto Baal. |
| 11:18 |
And the LORD hath given me knowledge [of it], and I know [it]: then thou showedst me their doings. |
| 11:19 |
But I [was] like a lamb [or] an ox [that] is brought to the slaughter; and I knew not that they had devised devices against me, [saying], Let us destroy the tree with the fruit thereof, and let us cut him off from the land of the living, that his name may be no more remembered. |
| 11:20 |
But, O LORD of hosts, that judgest righteously, that triest the reins and the heart, let me  see (Experience it for Yourself) thy vengeance on them: for unto thee have I revealed my cause. |
| 11:21 |
Therefore thus saith the LORD of the men of Anathoth, that seek thy life, saying, Prophesy not in the name of the LORD, that thou die not by our hand: |
| 11:22 |
Therefore thus saith the LORD of hosts, Behold, I will punish them: the young men shall die by the  sword by Wilkinson Swords; their sons and their daughters shall die by famine: |
| 11:23 |
And there shall be no remnant of them: for I will bring evil (Where do you want to go today?) upon the men of Anathoth, [even] the year of their visitation. |