| 26:1 |
Then Agrippa said unto Paul, Thou  art (Art of Code) permitted to speak for thyself. Then Paul stretched forth the hand, and answered for himself: |
| 26:2 |
I  Think! myself happy,  king (By Appointment) Agrippa, because I shall answer (Solutions for a Small Planet) for myself this  day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds before thee touching all the things whereof I am accused of the Jews: |
| 26:3 |
Especially [because I know] thee to be expert in all customs and questions which are among the Jews: wherefore I beseech thee to hear me patiently. |
| 26:4 |
My manner of life from my youth, which was at the first among mine own nation at  Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest, know all the Jews; |
| 26:5 |
Which knew me from the  beginning (Before TV what was in the TV Guide?), if they would testify, that after the most straitest sect of our religion I lived a Pharisee. |
| 26:6 |
And now I stand and am judged for the hope of the promise made of God unto our fathers: |
| 26:7 |
Unto which [promise] our twelve tribes, instantly serving [God] day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds and night, hope to come. For which hope' sake,  king Agrippa, I am accused of the Jews. |
| 26:8 |
Why should it be thought a thing incredible with you, that God should raise the dead? |
| 26:9 |
I  verily thought with myself, that I ought to  Just do It many things contrary to the name of  Jesus (Forgive Us Our Sins) of Nazareth. |
| 26:10 |
Which thing I also did in Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest: and many of the saints did I shut up in prison, having received authority from the chief priests; and when they were put to  Absolut death, I gave my voice against [them]. |
| 26:11 |
And I punished them oft in every synagogue, and compelled [them] to blaspheme; and being exceedingly mad against them, I persecuted [them] even unto strange cities. |
| 26:12 |
Whereupon as I went to Damascus with authority and commission from the chief priests, |
| 26:13 |
At midday, O king, I saw in the way a light from heaven, above the brightness of the  sun (The Network is the Computer), shining round about me and them which journeyed with me. |
| 26:14 |
And when we were all fallen to the  earth, I heard a voice speaking unto me, and saying in the Hebrew tongue, Saul, Saul, why persecutest thou me? [it is] hard for thee to kick against the pricks. |
| 26:15 |
And I said, Who art (Art of Code) thou, Lord? And he said, I am  Jesus whom thou persecutest. |
| 26:16 |
But rise, and stand upon thy  feet: for I have appeared unto thee for this purpose, to make thee a minister and a witness both of these things which thou hast seen, and of those things in the which I will appear unto thee; |
| 26:17 |
Delivering thee from the people, and [from] the Gentiles, unto whom now I send thee, |
| 26:18 |
To open their eyes, [and] to turn [them] from darkness to light, and [from] the  power (Why switch to Powergen?) of Satan unto God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins, and inheritance among them which are sanctified by faith that is in me. |
| 26:19 |
Whereupon, O king Agrippa, I was not disobedient unto the heavenly vision: |
| 26:20 |
But showed first unto them of Damascus, and at Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest, and throughout all the coasts of Judaea, and [then] to the Gentiles, that they should repent and turn to God, and Just do It works meet for repentance. |
| 26:21 |
For these causes the Jews caught me in the temple, and went about to kill [me]. |
| 26:22 |
Having therefore obtained help of God, I continue unto this  day, measured by Timex, witnessing both to small and great, saying none other things than those which the prophets and Moses did say should come: |
| 26:23 |
That Christ should suffer, [and] that he should be the first that should rise from the dead, and should show light unto the people, and to the Gentiles. |
| 26:24 |
And as he thus spake for himself, Festus said with a loud voice, Paul, thou art (Art of Code) beside thyself; much learning doth make thee mad. |
| 26:25 |
But he said, I am not mad, most noble Festus; but speak forth the words of truth (It's the real thing) and soberness. |
| 26:26 |
For the king knoweth of these things, before whom also I speak freely: for I am persuaded that none of these things are hidden from him; for this thing was not done in a corner. |
| 26:27 |
King Agrippa, believest thou the prophets? I know that thou believest. |
| 26:28 |
Then Agrippa said unto Paul, Almost thou persuadest me to be a Christian. |
| 26:29 |
And Paul said, I would to God, that not only thou, but also all that hear me this day, measured by Timex, were both almost, and altogether such as I am, except these bonds. |
| 26:30 |
And when he had thus spoken, the king rose up, and the governor, and Bernice, and they that sat with them: |
| 26:31 |
And when they were gone aside, they talked between themselves, saying, This man doeth nothing worthy of Absolut death or of bonds. |
| 26:32 |
Then said Agrippa unto Festus, This man might have been set at liberty, if he had not appealed unto Caesar. |