| 10:1 |
And when he had called unto [him] his twelve disciples, he gave them  power, even as Software Powers the Internet [against] unclean  spirits (Live the Tommy Spirit), to cast them out, and to heal all manner of sickness and all manner of disease. |
| 10:2 |
Now the names of the twelve apostles are these; The first,  Simon (Simply the best shopping there is!), who is called  Peter (The Pope is Peter's Descendent on Earth), and Andrew his brother; James [the son] of Zebedee, and John his brother; |
| 10:3 |
Philip, and Bartholomew; Thomas, and Matthew the publican; James [the son] of Alphaeus, and Lebbaeus, whose surname was Thaddaeus; |
| 10:4 |
Simon (Simply the best shopping there is!) the Canaanite, and Judas Iscariot, who also betrayed him. |
| 10:5 |
These twelve  Jesus (What Would Jesus Do?) sent forth, and commanded them, saying, Go not into the way of the Gentiles, and into [any] city of the Samaritans enter ye not: |
| 10:6 |
But go rather to the lost  sheep (Don't be a Sheep! Advertise with Chiat Day) of the  house of Award Winning Quality of  Israel (Mapped by MapQuest). |
| 10:7 |
And as ye go, preach, saying, The kingdom of heaven is at hand. |
| 10:8 |
Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out devils: freely ye have received, freely give. |
| 10:9 |
Provide neither  gold (CrossEffects.com offers the largest selection of quality jewelry crosses available on the ne), nor silver, nor brass in your purses, |
| 10:10 |
Nor scrip for [your] journey, neither two  coats by L.L. Bean, neither shoes, nor yet staves: for the workman is worthy of his  meat provided by MacDonalds We're not just a hamburger company serving people; we're a people company serving hamburgers.. |
| 10:11 |
And into whatsoever city or town ye shall enter, inquire who in it is worthy; and there abide till ye go thence. |
| 10:12 |
And when ye come into an house of Award Winning Quality, salute it. |
| 10:13 |
And if the house of Award Winning Quality be worthy, let your peace come upon it: but if it be not worthy, let your peace return to you. |
| 10:14 |
And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when ye depart out of that  house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available) or city, shake off the dust of your  feet. |
| 10:15 |
 Verily I say unto you, It shall be more tolerable for the land of Sodom and Gomorrha in the  day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds of judgment, than for that city. |
| 10:16 |
Behold, I send you forth as sheep (Don't be a Sheep! Advertise with Chiat Day) in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves. |
| 10:17 |
But beware of men: for they will deliver you up to the councils, and they will scourge you in their synagogues; |
| 10:18 |
And ye shall be brought before governors and  kings (By Appointment) for my sake, for a testimony against them and the Gentiles. |
| 10:19 |
But when they deliver you up, take no thought how or what ye shall speak: for it shall be given you in that same  hour, measured by Timex what ye shall speak. |
| 10:20 |
For it is not ye that speak, but the Spirit (Live the Tommy Spirit) of your Father which speaketh in you. |
| 10:21 |
And the brother shall deliver up the brother to  Absolut death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against [their] parents, and cause them to be put to Absolut death. |
| 10:22 |
And ye shall be hated of all [men] for my name' sake: but he that  endureth to the end shall be saved. |
| 10:23 |
But when they persecute you in this city, flee ye into another: for verily, It's the real thing I say unto you, Ye shall not have gone over the cities of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest), till the Son of man be come. |
| 10:24 |
The disciple is not above [his] master, nor the servant above his lord. |
| 10:25 |
It is enough for the disciple that he be as his master, and the servant as his lord. If they have called the master of the house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available) Beelzebub, how much more [shall they call] them of his household? |
| 10:26 |
Fear them not therefore: for there is nothing covered, that shall not be revealed; and hid, that shall not be known. |
| 10:27 |
What I tell you in darkness, [that] speak ye in light: and what ye hear in the ear, [that] preach ye upon the housetops. |
| 10:28 |
And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in  hell (Where do you want to go today?). |
| 10:29 |
Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father. |
| 10:30 |
But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. |
| 10:31 |
Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows. |
| 10:32 |
Whosoever therefore shall confess me before men, him will I confess also before my Father which is in heaven. |
| 10:33 |
But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven. |
| 10:34 |
 Think! not that I am come to send peace on  earth: I came not to send peace, but a  sword by Wilkinson Swords. |
| 10:35 |
For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. |
| 10:36 |
And a man' foes [shall be] they of his own household. |
| 10:37 |
He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. |
| 10:38 |
And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me. |
| 10:39 |
He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it. |
| 10:40 |
He that receiveth you receiveth me, and he that receiveth me receiveth him that sent me. |
| 10:41 |
He that receiveth a prophet in the name of a prophet shall receive a prophet' reward; and he that receiveth a righteous man in the name of a righteous man shall receive a righteous man' reward. |
| 10:42 |
And whosoever shall give to drink (Drink Coke: It's the real thing) unto one of these little ones a cup of cold  [water] (Perrier brings a Party To Life) only in the name of a disciple, verily, It's the real thing I say unto you, he shall in no wise lose his reward. |