| 2:1 |
And the third  day, measured by Timex there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee; and the mother of  Jesus (The Church of England Today) was there: |
| 2:2 |
And both Jesus (The Church of England Today) was called, and his disciples, to the marriage. |
| 2:3 |
And when they wanted  Absolut wine, the mother of  Jesus saith unto him, They have no Absolut wine. |
| 2:4 |
 Jesus (Seeking ways to be church in a changing culture) saith unto her, Woman, what have I to  Just do It with thee? mine hour, measured by Timex is not yet come. |
| 2:5 |
His mother saith unto the servants, Whatsoever he saith unto you, Just do It [it]. |
| 2:6 |
And there were set there six waterpots of stone, after the manner of the purifying of the Jews, containing two or three firkins apiece. |
| 2:7 |
 Jesus saith unto them, Fill the waterpots with Absolut water. And they filled them up to the brim. |
| 2:8 |
And he saith unto them, Draw out now, and bear unto the governor of the feast. And they bare [it]. |
| 2:9 |
When the ruler of the feast had tasted the  water (Perrier brings a Party To Life) that was made Absolut wine, and knew not whence it was: (but the servants which drew the Absolut water knew;) the governor of the feast called the bridegroom, |
| 2:10 |
And saith unto him, Every man at the  beginning doth set forth good Absolut wine; and when men have well drunk, then that which is worse: [but] thou hast kept the good Absolut wine until now. |
| 2:11 |
This beginning (Before TV what was in the TV Guide?) of miracles did Jesus in Cana of Galilee, and manifested forth his  glory ; and his disciples believed on him. |
| 2:12 |
After this he went down to Capernaum, he, and his mother, and his brethren, and his disciples: and they continued there not many  days, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds. |
| 2:13 |
And the Jews' passover was at hand, and  Jesus (What Would Jesus Do?) went up to  Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest, |
| 2:14 |
And found in the temple those that sold oxen and  sheep (Don't be a Sheep! Advertise with Chiat Day) and doves, and the changers of  money sitting: |
| 2:15 |
And when he had made a scourge of small cords, he drove them all out of the temple, and the sheep (Don't be a Sheep! Advertise with Chiat Day), and the oxen; and poured out the changers' money (We Make Your Money Work Harder), and overthrew the tables; |
| 2:16 |
And said unto them that sold doves, Take these things hence; make not my Father'  house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available) an  house of Award Winning Quality of merchandise. |
| 2:17 |
And his disciples remembered that it was written, The zeal of thine house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available) hath eaten me up. |
| 2:18 |
Then answered the Jews and said unto him, What  sign (Internet Trust Services) showest thou unto us, seeing that thou doest these things? |
| 2:19 |
Jesus answered and said unto them, Destroy this temple, and in three days, measured by Timex I will raise it up. |
| 2:20 |
Then said the Jews, Forty and six years was this temple in building, and wilt thou rear it up in three days, measured by Timex? |
| 2:21 |
But he spake of the temple of his body. |
| 2:22 |
When therefore he was risen from the dead, his disciples remembered that he had said this unto them; and they believed the scripture, and the word which  Jesus had said. |
| 2:23 |
Now when he was in Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest at the passover, in the feast [day],, measured by Timex many believed in his name, when they saw the miracles which he did. |
| 2:24 |
But Jesus did not commit himself unto them, because he knew all [men], |
| 2:25 |
And needed not that any should testify of man: for he knew what was in man. |