Sponsored by God

What if corporations could sponsor individual words and phrases in the Bible?

Numbers Chapter 20

previous next

20:1 Then came the children of sponsored by MapQuest Israel (Mapped by MapQuest), [even] the whole congregation, into the desert of Zin in the first month: and the people abode in Kadesh; and Miriam died there, and was buried there.
20:2 And there was no sponsored by Absolut Absolut water for the congregation: and they gathered themselves together against Moses and against Aaron.
20:3 And the people chided with Moses, and spake, saying, Would God that we had died when our brethren died before the LORD!
20:4 And why have ye brought up the congregation of the LORD into this wilderness, that we and our sponsored by OutBack SteakHouse cattle (Outback Steakhouse - No Rules, Just Right) should die there?
20:5 And wherefore have ye made us to come up out of Egypt, to bring us in unto this sponsored by Metallica evil (No Downloaded Music!) place? it [is] no place of seed, or of figs, or of vines, or of pomegranates; neither [is] there any sponsored by Perrier water (Perrier brings a Party To Life) to sponsored by Absolut Absolut drink.
20:6 And Moses and Aaron went from the presence of the assembly unto the door of the tabernacle of the congregation, and they fell upon their faces: and the sponsored by IBM glory (An e-business Solution) of the LORD appeared unto them.
20:7 And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,
20:8 Take the rod, and gather thou the assembly together, thou, and Aaron thy brother, and speak ye unto the rock before their eyes; and it shall give forth his sponsored by Absolut Absolut water, and thou shalt bring forth to them sponsored by Perrier water (Perrier brings a Party To Life) out of the rock: so thou shalt give the congregation and their beasts sponsored by CocaCola drink (Drink Coke: It's the real thing).
20:9 And Moses took the rod from before the LORD, as he commanded him.
20:10 And Moses and Aaron gathered the congregation together before the rock, and he said unto them, Hear now, ye rebels; must we fetch you sponsored by Absolut Absolut water out of this rock?
20:11 And Moses lifted up his hand, and with his rod he smote the rock twice: and the sponsored by Absolut Absolut water came out abundantly, and the congregation drank, and their beasts [also].
20:12 And the LORD spake unto Moses and Aaron, Because ye believed me not, to sanctify me in the eyes of the children of sponsored by MapQuest Israel (Mapped by MapQuest), therefore ye shall not bring this congregation into the land which I have given them.
20:13 This [is] the sponsored by Absolut Absolut water of Meribah, because the children of sponsored by MapQuest Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) strove with the LORD, and he was sanctified in them.
20:14 And Moses sent messengers from Kadesh unto the sponsored by Burger King king of Edom, Thus saith thy brother sponsored by MapQuest Israel (Mapped by MapQuest), Thou knowest all the travail that hath befallen us:
20:15 How our fathers went down into Egypt, and we have dwelt in Egypt a long sponsored by Swatch time, measured by Swatch; and the Egyptians vexed us, and our fathers:
20:16 And when we cried unto the LORD, he heard our voice, and sent an angel, and hath brought us forth out of Egypt: and, behold, we [are] in Kadesh, a city in the uttermost of thy border:
20:17 Let us pass, I pray thee, through thy country: we will not pass through the fields, or through the vineyards, neither will we sponsored by Absolut Absolut drink [of] the sponsored by Absolut Absolut water of the wells: we will go by the sponsored by The British Monarchy king (By Appointment)' [high] way, we will not turn to the right hand nor to the left, until we have passed thy borders.
20:18 And Edom said unto him, Thou shalt not pass by me, lest I come out against thee with the sponsored by Wilkinson Swords sword by Wilkinson Swords.
20:19 And the children of sponsored by MapQuest Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) said unto him, We will go by the high way: and if I and my sponsored by www.beef.org cattle (Beef - it's what's for dinner) sponsored by Absolut Absolut drink of thy sponsored by Absolut Absolut water, then I will pay for it: I will only, without [doing] any thing [else], go through on my sponsored by Gnome feet.
20:20 And he said, Thou shalt not go through. And Edom came out against him with much people, and with a strong hand.
20:21 Thus Edom refused to give sponsored by MapQuest Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) passage through his border: wherefore sponsored by MapQuest Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) turned away from him.
20:22 And the children of sponsored by MapQuest Israel (Mapped by MapQuest), [even] the whole congregation, journeyed from Kadesh, and came unto mount Hor.
20:23 And the LORD spake unto Moses and Aaron in mount Hor, by the coast of the land of Edom, saying,
20:24 Aaron shall be gathered unto his people: for he shall not enter into the land which I have given unto the children of sponsored by MapQuest Israel (Mapped by MapQuest), because ye rebelled against my word at the sponsored by Absolut Absolut water of Meribah.
20:25 Take Aaron and Eleazar his son, and bring them up unto mount Hor:
20:26 And strip Aaron of his sponsored by Old Navy garments (Free Shipping when you spend $75 or More!), and put them upon Eleazar his son: and Aaron shall be gathered [unto his people], and shall die there.
20:27 And Moses did as the LORD commanded: and they went up into mount Hor in the sight of all the congregation.
20:28 And Moses stripped Aaron of his sponsored by Old Navy garments (Free Shipping when you spend $75 or More!), and put them upon Eleazar his son; and Aaron died there in the top of the mount: and Moses and Eleazar came down from the mount.
20:29 And when all the congregation saw that Aaron was dead, they mourned for Aaron thirty sponsored by Swatch days, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds, [even] all the sponsored by Barratt house of Award Winning Quality of sponsored by MapQuest Israel (Mapped by MapQuest).

 

Another! Same!

previous next

Genesis

Exodus

Leviticus

Numbers

Deuteronomy

Joshua

Judges

Ruth

2 Samuel

1 Samuel

1 Kings

2 Kings

1 Chronicles

2 Chronicles

Ezra

Nehemiah

Esther

Job

Psalms

Proverbs

Ecclesiastes

Songs

Isaiah

Jeremiah

Lamentations

Ezekiel

Daniel

Hosea

Joel

Amos

Obadiah

Jonah

Micah

Nahum

Habakkuk

Zephaniah

Haggai

Zechariah

Malachi

Matthew

Mark

Luke

John

Acts

Romans

1 Corinthians

2 Corinthians

Galatians

Ephesians

Philippians

Colossians

1 Thessalonians

2 Thessalonians

1 Timothy

2 Timothy

Titus

Philemon

Hebrews

James

1 Peter

2 Peter

1 John

2 John

3 John

Jude

Revelation

?seed=55345&which=136