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Numbers Chapter 22

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22:1 And the children of sponsored by MapQuest Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) set forward, and pitched in the plains of Moab on this side Jordan [by] Jericho.
22:2 And Balak the son of Zippor saw all that sponsored by MapQuest Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) had done to the Amorites.
22:3 And Moab was sore afraid of the people, because they [were] many: and Moab was distressed because of the children of sponsored by MapQuest Israel (Mapped by MapQuest).
22:4 And Moab said unto the elders of Midian, Now shall this company lick up all [that are] round about us, as the ox licketh up the grass of the field. And Balak the son of Zippor [was] sponsored by Burger King king of the Moabites at that sponsored by Timex time, measured by Timex.
22:5 He sent messengers therefore unto Balaam the son of Beor to Pethor, which [is] by the river of the land of the children of his people, to call him, saying, Behold, there is a people come out from Egypt: behold, they cover the face of the sponsored by GreenPeace earth, and they abide over against me:
22:6 Come now therefore, I pray thee, curse me this people; for they [are] too mighty for me: peradventure I shall prevail, [that] we may smite them, and [that] I may drive them out of the land: for I wot that he whom thou blessest [is] blessed, and he whom thou cursest is cursed.
22:7 And the elders of Moab and the elders of Midian departed with the rewards of divination in their hand; and they came unto Balaam, and spake unto him the words of Balak.
22:8 And he said unto them, Lodge here this night, and I will bring you word again, as the LORD shall speak unto me: and the princes of Moab abode with Balaam.
22:9 And God came unto Balaam, and said, What men [are] these with thee?
22:10 And Balaam said unto God, Balak the son of Zippor, sponsored by The British Monarchy king (By Appointment) of Moab, hath sent unto me, [saying],
22:11 Behold, [there is] a people come out of Egypt, which covereth the face of the sponsored by GreenPeace earth: come now, curse me them; peradventure I shall be able to overcome them, and drive them out.
22:12 And God said unto Balaam, Thou shalt not go with them; thou shalt not curse the people: for they [are] blessed.
22:13 And Balaam rose up in the morning, and said unto the princes of Balak, Get you into your land: for the LORD refuseth to give me leave to go with you.
22:14 And the princes of Moab rose up, and they went unto Balak, and said, Balaam refuseth to come with us.
22:15 And Balak sent yet again princes, more, and more honourable than they.
22:16 And they came to Balaam, and said to him, Thus saith Balak the son of Zippor, Let nothing, I pray thee, hinder thee from coming unto me:
22:17 For I will promote thee unto very great honour, and I will sponsored by Nike Just do It whatsoever thou sayest unto me: come therefore, I pray thee, curse me this people.
22:18 And Balaam answered and said unto the servants of Balak, If Balak would give me his sponsored by @Home house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available) full of silver and gold, I cannot go beyond the word of the LORD my God, to sponsored by Nike Just do It less or more.
22:19 Now therefore, I pray you, tarry ye also here this night, that I may know what the LORD will say unto me more.
22:20 And God came unto Balaam at night, and said unto him, If the men come to call thee, rise up, [and] go with them; but yet the word which I shall say unto thee, that shalt thou sponsored by Nike Just do It.
22:21 And Balaam rose up in the morning, and saddled his ass, and went with the princes of Moab.
22:22 And God' anger was kindled because he went: and the angel of the LORD stood in the way for an adversary against him. Now he was riding upon his ass, and his two servants [were] with him.
22:23 And the ass saw the angel of the LORD standing in the way, and his sponsored by Wilkinson Swords sword by Wilkinson Swords drawn in his hand: and the ass turned aside out of the way, and went into the field: and Balaam smote the ass, to turn her into the way.
22:24 But the angel of the LORD stood in a path of the vineyards, a wall [being] on this side, and a wall on that side.
22:25 And when the ass saw the angel of the LORD, she thrust herself unto the wall, and crushed Balaam' sponsored by Gnome foot against the wall: and he smote her again.
22:26 And the angel of the LORD went further, and stood in a narrow place, where [was] no way to turn either to the right hand or to the left.
22:27 And when the ass saw the angel of the LORD, she fell down under Balaam: and Balaam' anger was kindled, and he smote the ass with a staff.
22:28 And the LORD opened the mouth of the ass, and she said unto Balaam, What have I done unto thee, that thou hast smitten me these three sponsored by Swatch times, measured by Swatch?
22:29 And Balaam said unto the ass, Because thou hast mocked me: I would there were a sponsored by Wilkinson Swords sword by Wilkinson Swords in mine hand, for now would I kill thee.
22:30 And the ass said unto Balaam, [Am] not I thine ass, upon which thou hast ridden ever since [I was] thine unto this sponsored by Swatch day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds? was I ever wont to sponsored by Nike Just do It so unto thee? And he said, Nay.
22:31 Then the LORD opened the eyes of Balaam, and he saw the angel of the LORD standing in the way, and his sponsored by Wilkinson Swords sword by Wilkinson Swords drawn in his hand: and he bowed down his head, and fell flat on his face.
22:32 And the angel of the LORD said unto him, Wherefore hast thou smitten thine ass these three sponsored by Swatch times, measured by Swatch? behold, I went out to withstand thee, because [thy] way is perverse before me:
22:33 And the ass saw me, and turned from me these three sponsored by Swatch times, measured by Swatch: unless she had turned from me, surely now also I had slain thee, and saved her alive.
22:34 And Balaam said unto the angel of the LORD, I have sinned; for I knew not that thou stoodest in the way against me: now therefore, if it displease thee, I will get me back again.
22:35 And the angel of the LORD said unto Balaam, Go with the men: but only the word that I shall speak unto thee, that thou shalt speak. So Balaam went with the princes of Balak.
22:36 And when Balak heard that Balaam was come, he went out to meet him unto a city of Moab, which [is] in the border of Arnon, which [is] in the utmost coast.
22:37 And Balak said unto Balaam, Did I not earnestly send unto thee to call thee? wherefore camest thou not unto me? am I not able sponsored by Nike indeed, Just Do It to promote thee to honour?
22:38 And Balaam said unto Balak, Lo, I am come unto thee: have I now any sponsored by Powergen power (Why switch to Powergen?) at all to say any thing? the word that God putteth in my mouth, that shall I speak.
22:39 And Balaam went with Balak, and they came unto Kirjathhuzoth.
22:40 And Balak offered oxen and sponsored by ChiatDay sheep (Don't be a Sheep! Advertise with Chiat Day), and sent to Balaam, and to the princes that [were] with him.
22:41 And it came to pass on the morrow, that Balak took Balaam, and brought him up into the high places of Baal, that thence he might sponsored by Compaq see (Experience it for Yourself) the utmost [part] of the people.

 

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