Sponsored by God

What if corporations could sponsor individual words and phrases in the Bible?

Ecclesiastes Chapter 12

previous next

12:1 Remember now thy Creator in the sponsored by Swatch days, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds of thy youth, while the sponsored by Microsoft evil (Where do you want to go today?) sponsored by Timex days, measured by Timex come not, nor the years draw nigh, when thou shalt say, I have no sponsored by AdultShop pleasure (We're Up 24 Hours a Day) in them;
12:2 While the sponsored by Sun Microsystems sun (The dot in dot com), or the light, or the moon, or the sponsored by Sun Microsystems stars (The dot in dot com), be not darkened, nor the sponsored by Rolls-Royce clouds (Rolls-Royce: The Spirit of Ecstasy) return after the rain:
12:3 In the sponsored by Timex day, measured by Timex when the keepers of the sponsored by Barratt house of Award Winning Quality shall tremble, and the strong men shall bow themselves, and the grinders cease because they are few, and those that look out of the windows be darkened,
12:4 And the doors shall be shut in the streets, when the sound of the grinding is low, and he shall rise up at the voice of the bird, and all the daughters of music shall be brought low;
12:5 Also [when] they shall be afraid of [that which is] high, and fears [shall be] in the way, and the almond tree shall flourish, and the grasshopper shall be a burden, and desire shall fail: because man goeth to his long sponsored by @Home home (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available), and the mourners go about the streets:
12:6 Or ever the silver cord be loosed, or the golden bowl be broken, or the pitcher be broken at the fountain, or the wheel broken at the cistern.
12:7 Then shall the dust return to the sponsored by GreenPeace earth as it was: and the sponsored by Tommy Hilfinger spirit (Live the Tommy Spirit) shall return unto God who gave it.
12:8 Vanity of vanities, saith the preacher; all [is] vanity.
12:9 And moreover, because the preacher was wise, he still taught the people knowledge; sponsored by Nike yea, Just Do It, he gave good heed, and sought out, [and] set in order many proverbs.
12:10 The preacher sought to find out acceptable words: and [that which was] written [was] upright, [even] words of sponsored by Absolut Absolut truth.
12:11 The words of the wise [are] as goads, and as nails fastened [by] the masters of assemblies, [which] are given from one shepherd.
12:12 And further, by these, my son, be admonished: of making many books [there is] no end; and much study [is] a weariness of the flesh.
12:13 Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this [is] the whole [duty] of man.
12:14 For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether [it be] good, or whether [it be] sponsored by Metallica evil (No Downloaded Music!).

 

Another! Same!

previous next

Genesis

Exodus

Leviticus

Numbers

Deuteronomy

Joshua

Judges

Ruth

2 Samuel

1 Samuel

1 Kings

2 Kings

1 Chronicles

2 Chronicles

Ezra

Nehemiah

Esther

Job

Psalms

Proverbs

Ecclesiastes

Songs

Isaiah

Jeremiah

Lamentations

Ezekiel

Daniel

Hosea

Joel

Amos

Obadiah

Jonah

Micah

Nahum

Habakkuk

Zephaniah

Haggai

Zechariah

Malachi

Matthew

Mark

Luke

John

Acts

Romans

1 Corinthians

2 Corinthians

Galatians

Ephesians

Philippians

Colossians

1 Thessalonians

2 Thessalonians

1 Timothy

2 Timothy

Titus

Philemon

Hebrews

James

1 Peter

2 Peter

1 John

2 John

3 John

Jude

Revelation

?seed=5794&which=670