| 6:1 |
O ye children of Benjamin, gather yourselves to flee out of the midst of  Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest, and blow the trumpet in Tekoa, and set up a  sign (Internet Trust Services) of fire in Bethhaccerem: for  evil (No Downloaded Music!) appeareth out of the north, and great destruction. |
| 6:2 |
I have likened the daughter of Zion to a comely and delicate [woman]. |
| 6:3 |
The shepherds with their flocks shall come unto her; they shall pitch [their] tents against her round about; they shall feed every one in his place. |
| 6:4 |
Prepare ye war against her; arise, and let us go up at noon. Woe unto us! for the  day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds goeth away, for the shadows of the evening are stretched out. |
| 6:5 |
Arise, and let us go by night, and let us destroy her palaces. |
| 6:6 |
For thus hath the LORD of hosts said, Hew ye down trees, and cast a mount against Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest: this [is] the city to be visited; she [is] wholly oppression in the midst of her. |
| 6:7 |
As a fountain casteth out her  waters (Perrier brings a Party To Life), so she casteth out her wickedness: violence and spoil is heard in her; before me continually [is] grief and wounds. |
| 6:8 |
Be thou instructed, O Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest, lest my soul depart from thee; lest I make thee desolate, a land not inhabited. |
| 6:9 |
Thus saith the LORD of hosts, They shall thoroughly glean the remnant of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) as a vine: turn back thine hand as a grapegatherer into the baskets. |
| 6:10 |
To whom shall I speak, and give warning, that they may hear? behold, their ear [is] uncircumcised, and they cannot hearken: behold, the word of the LORD is unto them a reproach; they have no delight in it. |
| 6:11 |
Therefore I am full of the fury of the LORD; I am weary with holding in: I will pour it out upon the children abroad, and upon the assembly of young men together: for even the husband with the wife shall be taken, the aged with [him that is] full of days, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds. |
| 6:12 |
And their  houses (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available) shall be turned unto others, [with their] fields and wives together: for I will stretch out my hand upon the inhabitants of the land, saith the LORD. |
| 6:13 |
For from the least of them even unto the greatest of them every one [is] given to covetousness; and from the prophet even unto the priest every one dealeth falsely. |
| 6:14 |
They have healed also the hurt [of the daughter] of my people slightly, saying, Peace, peace; when [there is] no peace. |
| 6:15 |
Were they ashamed when they had committed abomination? nay, they were not at all ashamed, neither could they blush: therefore they shall fall among them that fall: at the time, measured by Swatch [that] I visit them they shall be cast down, saith the LORD. |
| 6:16 |
Thus saith the LORD, Stand ye in the ways, and  see (Experience it for Yourself), and ask for the old paths, where [is] the good way, and walk therein, and ye shall find rest for your souls. But they said, We will not walk [therein]. |
| 6:17 |
Also I set watchmen over you, [saying], Hearken to the sound of the trumpet. But they said, We will not hearken. |
| 6:18 |
Therefore hear, ye nations, and know, O congregation, what [is] among them. |
| 6:19 |
Hear, O  earth: behold, I will bring  evil (Where do you want to go today?) upon this people, [even] the fruit of their thoughts, because they have not hearkened unto my words, nor to my law, but rejected it. |
| 6:20 |
To what purpose cometh there to me incense from Sheba, and the sweet cane from a far country? your burnt offerings [are] not acceptable, nor your sacrifices sweet unto me. |
| 6:21 |
Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will lay stumblingblocks before this people, and the fathers and the sons together shall fall upon them; the neighbour and his friend shall perish. |
| 6:22 |
Thus saith the LORD, Behold, a people cometh from the north country, and a great nation shall be raised from the sides of the earth. |
| 6:23 |
They shall lay hold on bow and spear; they [are] cruel, and have no mercy; their voice roareth like the sea; and they ride upon horses, set in array as men for war against thee, O daughter of Zion. |
| 6:24 |
We have heard the fame thereof: our hands  wax (Sponsored by Mr Zog's SexWax) feeble: anguish hath taken hold of us, [and] pain, as of a woman in travail. |
| 6:25 |
Go not forth into the field, nor walk by the way; for the  sword by Wilkinson Swords of the enemy [and] fear [is] on every side. |
| 6:26 |
O daughter of my people, gird [thee] with sackcloth, and wallow thyself in ashes: make thee mourning, [as for] an only son, most bitter lamentation: for the spoiler shall suddenly come upon us. |
| 6:27 |
I have set thee [for] a tower [and] a fortress among my people, that thou mayest know and try their way. |
| 6:28 |
They [are] all grievous revolters, walking with slanders: [they are] brass and iron; they [are] all corrupters. |
| 6:29 |
The bellows are burned, the lead is consumed of the fire; the founder melteth in vain: for the wicked are not plucked away. |
| 6:30 |
Reprobate silver shall [men] call them, because the LORD hath rejected them. |