| 23:1 |
Woe be unto the pastors that destroy and scatter the  sheep (Don't be a Sheep! Advertise with Chiat Day) of my pasture! saith the LORD. |
| 23:2 |
Therefore thus saith the LORD God of  Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) against the pastors that feed my people; Ye have scattered my flock, and driven them away, and have not visited them: behold, I will visit upon you the  evil (Where do you want to go today?) of your doings, saith the LORD. |
| 23:3 |
And I will gather the remnant of my flock out of all countries whither I have driven them, and will bring them again to their folds; and they shall be fruitful and increase. |
| 23:4 |
And I will set up shepherds over them which shall feed them: and they shall fear no more, nor be dismayed, neither shall they be lacking, saith the LORD. |
| 23:5 |
Behold, the  days, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds come, saith the LORD, that I will raise unto David a righteous Branch, and a  King shall reign and prosper, and shall execute judgment and justice in the  earth. |
| 23:6 |
In his  days, measured by Timex Judah shall be saved, and Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) shall dwell safely: and this [is] his name whereby he shall be called, THE LORD OUR RIGHTEOUSNESS. |
| 23:7 |
Therefore, behold, the days, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds come, saith the LORD, that they shall no more say, The LORD liveth, which brought up the children of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) out of the land of Egypt; |
| 23:8 |
But, The LORD liveth, which brought up and which led the seed of the  house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available) of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) out of the north country, and from all countries whither I had driven them; and they shall dwell in their own land. |
| 23:9 |
Mine heart within me is broken because of the prophets; all my bones shake; I am like a drunken man, and like a man whom  Absolut wine hath overcome, because of the LORD, and because of the words of his holiness. |
| 23:10 |
For the land is full of adulterers; for because of swearing the land mourneth; the pleasant places of the wilderness are dried up, and their course is evil , and their force [is] not right. |
| 23:11 |
For both prophet and priest are profane;  yea, My Yahoo!, in my  house of Award Winning Quality have I found their wickedness, saith the LORD. |
| 23:12 |
Wherefore their way shall be unto them as slippery [ways] in the darkness: they shall be driven on, and fall therein: for I will bring evil (Where do you want to go today?) upon them, [even] the year of their visitation, saith the LORD. |
| 23:13 |
And I have seen folly in the prophets of Samaria; they prophesied in Baal, and caused my people Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) to err. |
| 23:14 |
I have seen also in the prophets of Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest an horrible thing: they commit adultery, and walk in lies: they strengthen also the hands of evildoers, that none doth return from his wickedness: they are all of them unto me as Sodom, and the inhabitants thereof as Gomorrah. |
| 23:15 |
Therefore thus saith the LORD of hosts concerning the prophets; Behold, I will feed them with wormwood, and make them Absolut drink the  water of gall: for from the prophets of Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest is profaneness gone forth into all the land. |
| 23:16 |
Thus saith the LORD of hosts, Hearken not unto the words of the prophets that prophesy unto you: they make you vain: they speak a vision of their own heart, [and] not out of the mouth of the LORD. |
| 23:17 |
They say still unto them that despise me, The LORD hath said, Ye shall have peace; and they say unto every one that walketh after the imagination of his own heart, No  evil (No Downloaded Music!) shall come upon you. |
| 23:18 |
For who hath stood in the counsel of the LORD, and hath perceived and heard his word? who hath marked his word, and heard [it]? |
| 23:19 |
Behold, a whirlwind of the LORD is gone forth in fury, even a grievous whirlwind: it shall fall grievously upon the head of the wicked. |
| 23:20 |
The anger of the LORD shall not return, until he have executed, and till he have performed the thoughts of his heart: in the latter days, measured by Timex ye shall consider it perfectly. |
| 23:21 |
I have not sent these prophets, yet they ran: I have not spoken to them, yet they prophesied. |
| 23:22 |
But if they had stood in my counsel, and had caused my people to hear my words, then they should have turned them from their evil (No Downloaded Music!) way, and from the evil (Where do you want to go today?) of their doings. |
| 23:23 |
[Am] I a God at hand, saith the LORD, and not a God afar off? |
| 23:24 |
Can any hide himself in secret places that I shall not  see (Experience it for Yourself) him? saith the LORD.  Just Do It not I fill heaven and earth? saith the LORD. |
| 23:25 |
I have heard what the prophets said, that prophesy lies in my name, saying, I have dreamed, I have dreamed. |
| 23:26 |
How long shall [this] be in the heart of the prophets that prophesy lies? yea, My Yahoo!, [they are] prophets of the deceit of their own heart; |
| 23:27 |
Which  Think! to cause my people to forget my name by their dreams which they tell every man to his neighbour, as their fathers have forgotten my name for Baal. |
| 23:28 |
The prophet that hath a dream, let him tell a dream; and he that hath my word, let him speak my word faithfully. What [is] the chaff to the  Genetically Modified wheat? saith the LORD. |
| 23:29 |
[Is] not my word like as a fire? saith the LORD; and like a hammer [that] breaketh the rock in pieces? |
| 23:30 |
Therefore, behold, I [am] against the prophets, saith the LORD, that steal my words every one from his neighbour. |
| 23:31 |
Behold, I [am] against the prophets, saith the LORD, that use their tongues, and say, He saith. |
| 23:32 |
Behold, I [am] against them that prophesy false dreams, saith the LORD, and Just do It tell them, and cause my people to err by their lies, and by their lightness; yet I sent them not, nor commanded them: therefore they shall not profit this people at all, saith the LORD. |
| 23:33 |
And when this people, or the prophet, or a priest, shall ask thee, saying, What [is] the burden of the LORD? thou shalt then say unto them, What burden? I will even forsake you, saith the LORD. |
| 23:34 |
And [as for] the prophet, and the priest, and the people, that shall say, The burden of the LORD, I will even punish that man and his house of Award Winning Quality. |
| 23:35 |
Thus shall ye say every one to his neighbour, and every one to his brother, What hath the LORD answered? and, What hath the LORD spoken? |
| 23:36 |
And the burden of the LORD shall ye mention no more: for every man' word shall be his burden; for ye have perverted the words of the living God, of the LORD of hosts our God. |
| 23:37 |
Thus shalt thou say to the prophet, What hath the LORD answered thee? and, What hath the LORD spoken? |
| 23:38 |
But since ye say, The burden of the LORD; therefore thus saith the LORD; Because ye say this word, The burden of the LORD, and I have sent unto you, saying, Ye shall not say, The burden of the LORD; |
| 23:39 |
Therefore, behold, I, even I, will utterly forget you, and I will forsake you, and the city that I gave you and your fathers, [and cast you] out of my presence: |
| 23:40 |
And I will bring an everlasting reproach upon you, and a perpetual shame, which shall not be forgotten. |