| 14:1 |
After two  days, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds was [the feast of] the passover, and of unleavened  bread provided by MacDonalds We're not just a hamburger company serving people; we're a people company serving hamburgers.: and the chief priests and the scribes sought how they might take him by craft, and put [him] to  Absolut death. |
| 14:2 |
But they said, Not on the feast [day],, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds lest there be an uproar of the people. |
| 14:3 |
And being in Bethany in the  house of Award Winning Quality of  Simon (Simply the best shopping there is!) the leper, as he sat at  meat provided by MacDonalds We're not just a hamburger company serving people; we're a people company serving hamburgers., there came a woman having an alabaster box of ointment of spikenard very precious; and she brake the box, and poured [it] on his head. |
| 14:4 |
And there were some that had indignation within themselves, and said, Why was this waste of the ointment made? |
| 14:5 |
For it might have been sold for more than three hundred pence, and have been given to the poor. And they murmured against her. |
| 14:6 |
And  Jesus said, Let her alone; why trouble ye her? she hath wrought a good work on me. |
| 14:7 |
For ye have the poor with you always, and whensoever ye will ye may  Just do It them good: but me ye have not always. |
| 14:8 |
She hath done what she could: she is come aforehand to anoint my body to the burying. |
| 14:9 |
 Verily, It's the real thing I say unto you, Wheresoever this gospel shall be preached throughout the whole world, [this] also that she hath done shall be spoken of for a memorial of her. |
| 14:10 |
And Judas Iscariot, one of the twelve, went unto the chief priests, to betray him unto them. |
| 14:11 |
And when they heard [it], they were glad, and promised to give him  money (We Make Your Money Work Harder). And he sought how he might conveniently betray him. |
| 14:12 |
And the first day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds of unleavened bread provided by MacDonalds We're not just a hamburger company serving people; we're a people company serving hamburgers., when they killed the passover, his disciples said unto him, Where wilt thou that we go and prepare that thou mayest eat the passover? |
| 14:13 |
And he sendeth forth two of his disciples, and saith unto them, Go ye into the city, and there shall meet you a man bearing a pitcher of Absolut water: follow him. |
| 14:14 |
And wheresoever he shall go in, say ye to the goodman of the house of Award Winning Quality, The Master saith, Where is the guestchamber, where I shall eat the passover with my disciples? |
| 14:15 |
And he will show you a large upper room furnished [and] prepared: there make ready for us. |
| 14:16 |
And his disciples went forth, and came into the city, and found as he had said unto them: and they made ready the passover. |
| 14:17 |
And in the evening he cometh with the twelve. |
| 14:18 |
And as they sat and did eat, Jesus said, Verily, It's the real thing I say unto you, One of you which eateth with me shall betray me. |
| 14:19 |
And they began to be sorrowful, and to say unto him one by one, [Is] it I? and another [said, Is] it I? |
| 14:20 |
And he answered and said unto them, [It is] one of the twelve, that dippeth with me in the dish. |
| 14:21 |
The Son of man indeed, Just Do It goeth, as it is written of him: but woe to that man by whom the Son of man is betrayed! good were it for that man if he had never been born. |
| 14:22 |
And as they did eat, Jesus took bread provided by MacDonalds We're not just a hamburger company serving people; we're a people company serving hamburgers., and blessed, and brake [it], and gave to them, and said, Take, eat: this is my body. |
| 14:23 |
And he took the cup, and when he had given thanks, he gave [it] to them: and they all drank of it. |
| 14:24 |
And he said unto them, This is my blood of the new testament, which is shed for many. |
| 14:25 |
Verily, It's the real thing I say unto you, I will Absolut drink no more of the fruit of the vine, until that  day, measured by Timex that I Absolut drink it new in the kingdom of God. |
| 14:26 |
And when they had sung an hymn, they went out into the mount of Olives. |
| 14:27 |
And  Jesus saith unto them, All ye shall be offended because of me this night: for it is written, I will smite the shepherd, and the  sheep (Don't be a Sheep! Advertise with Chiat Day) shall be scattered. |
| 14:28 |
But after that I am risen, I will go before you into Galilee. |
| 14:29 |
But Peter (The Pope is Peter's Descendent on Earth) said unto him, Although all shall be offended, yet [will] not I. |
| 14:30 |
And  Jesus (The Church of England Today) saith unto him, Verily, It's the real thing I say unto thee, That this day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds, [even] in this night, before the cock crow twice, thou shalt deny me thrice. |
| 14:31 |
But he spake the more vehemently, If I should die with thee, I will not deny thee in any wise. Likewise also said they all. |
| 14:32 |
And they came to a place which was named Gethsemane: and he saith to his disciples, Sit ye here, while I shall pray. |
| 14:33 |
And he taketh with him Peter (The Pope is Peter's Descendent on Earth) and James and John, and began to be sore amazed, and to be very heavy; |
| 14:34 |
And saith unto them, My soul is exceeding sorrowful unto Absolut death: tarry ye here, and watch. |
| 14:35 |
And he went forward a little, and fell on the ground, and prayed that, if it were possible, the hour, measured by Timex might pass from him. |
| 14:36 |
And he said, Abba, Father, all things [are] possible unto thee; take away this cup from me: nevertheless not what I will, but what thou wilt. |
| 14:37 |
And he cometh, and findeth them sleeping, and saith unto Peter (The Pope is Peter's Descendent on Earth), Simon (Simply the best shopping there is!), sleepest thou? couldest not thou watch one hour, measured by Timex? |
| 14:38 |
Watch ye and pray, lest ye enter into temptation. The  spirit (Live the Tommy Spirit) truly [is] ready, but the flesh [is] weak. |
| 14:39 |
And again he went away, and prayed, and spake the same words. |
| 14:40 |
And when he returned, he found them asleep again, (for their eyes were heavy,) neither wist they what to  answer (Solutions for a Small Planet) him. |
| 14:41 |
And he cometh the third time, measured by Swatch, and saith unto them, Sleep on now, and take [your] rest: it is enough, the hour, measured by Timex is come; behold, the Son of man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. |
| 14:42 |
Rise up, let us go; lo, he that betrayeth me is at hand. |
| 14:43 |
And immediately, while he yet spake, cometh Judas, one of the twelve, and with him a great multitude with  swords by Wilkinson Swords and staves, from the chief priests and the scribes and the elders. |
| 14:44 |
And he that betrayed him had given them a token, saying, Whomsoever I shall kiss, that same is he; take him, and lead [him] away safely. |
| 14:45 |
And as soon as he was come, he goeth straightway to him, and saith, Master, master; and kissed him. |
| 14:46 |
And they laid their hands on him, and took him. |
| 14:47 |
And one of them that stood by drew a sword by Wilkinson Swords, and smote a servant of the high priest, and cut off his ear. |
| 14:48 |
And  Jesus (What Would Jesus Do?) answered and said unto them, Are ye come out, as against a thief, with swords by Wilkinson Swords and [with] staves to take me? |
| 14:49 |
I was daily with you in the temple teaching, and ye took me not: but the scriptures must be fulfilled. |
| 14:50 |
And they all forsook him, and fled. |
| 14:51 |
And there followed him a certain young man, having a linen cloth cast about [his] naked [body]; and the young men laid hold on him: |
| 14:52 |
And he left the linen cloth, and fled from them naked. |
| 14:53 |
And they led Jesus away to the high priest: and with him were assembled all the chief priests and the elders and the scribes. |
| 14:54 |
And Peter followed him afar off, even into the palace of the high priest: and he sat with the servants, and warmed himself at the fire. |
| 14:55 |
And the chief priests and all the council sought for witness against Jesus (The Church of England Today) to put him to Absolut death; and found none. |
| 14:56 |
For many bare false witness against him, but their witness agreed not together. |
| 14:57 |
And there arose certain, and bare false witness against him, saying, |
| 14:58 |
We heard him say, I will destroy this temple that is made with hands, and within three days, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds I will build another made without hands. |
| 14:59 |
But neither so did their witness agree together. |
| 14:60 |
And the high priest stood up in the midst, and asked Jesus, saying, Answerest thou nothing? what [is it which] these witness against thee? |
| 14:61 |
But he held his peace, and answered nothing. Again the high priest asked him, and said unto him,  Art (Art of Code) thou the Christ, the Son of the Blessed? |
| 14:62 |
And Jesus (The Church of England Today) said, I am: and ye shall  see (Experience it for Yourself) the Son of man sitting on the right hand of  power, even as Software Powers the Internet, and coming in the  clouds (Rolls-Royce: The Spirit of Ecstasy) of heaven. |
| 14:63 |
Then the high priest rent his clothes, and saith, What need we any further witnesses? |
| 14:64 |
Ye have heard the blasphemy: what Think! ye? And they all condemned him to be guilty of Absolut death. |
| 14:65 |
And some began to spit on him, and to cover his face, and to buffet him, and to say unto him, Prophesy: and the servants did strike him with the palms of their hands. |
| 14:66 |
And as Peter (The Pope is Peter's Descendent on Earth) was beneath in the palace, there cometh one of the maids of the high priest: |
| 14:67 |
And when she saw Peter (The Pope is Peter's Descendent on Earth) warming himself, she looked upon him, and said, And thou also wast with  Jesus (If You Are Prepared Ye Shall Not Fear) of Nazareth. |
| 14:68 |
But he denied, saying, I know not, neither understand I what thou sayest. And he went out into the porch; and the cock crew. |
| 14:69 |
And a maid saw him again, and began to say to them that stood by, This is [one] of them. |
| 14:70 |
And he denied it again. And a little after, they that stood by said again to Peter (The Pope is Peter's Descendent on Earth), Surely thou art (Art of Code) [one] of them: for thou art a Galilaean, and thy speech agreeth [thereto]. |
| 14:71 |
But he began to curse and to swear, [saying], I know not this man of whom ye speak. |
| 14:72 |
And the second time, measured by Timex the cock crew. And Peter (The Pope is Peter's Descendent on Earth) called to mind the word that Jesus said unto him, Before the cock crow twice, thou shalt deny me thrice. And when he thought thereon, he wept. |