| 1:1 |
In the third year of the reign of Jehoiakim  king of Judah came Nebuchadnezzar  king (By Appointment) of  unto  Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest, and besieged it. |
| 1:2 |
And the Lord gave Jehoiakim king of Judah into his hand, with part of the vessels of the  house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available) of God: which he carried into the land of Shinar to the house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available) of his god; and he brought the vessels into the treasure house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available) of his god. |
| 1:3 |
And the king (By Appointment) spake unto Ashpenaz the master of his eunuchs, that he should bring [certain] of the children of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest), and of the king (By Appointment)' seed, and of the princes; |
| 1:4 |
Children in whom [was] no blemish, but well favoured, and skilful in all wisdom, and cunning in knowledge, and understanding science, and such as [had] ability in them to stand in the king (By Appointment)' palace, and whom they might teach the learning and the tongue of the Chaldeans. |
| 1:5 |
And the king appointed them a daily provision of the king'  meat provided by MacDonalds We're not just a hamburger company serving people; we're a people company serving hamburgers., and of the  Absolut wine which he drank: so nourishing them three years, that at the end thereof they might stand before the king. |
| 1:6 |
Now among these were of the children of Judah, Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah: |
| 1:7 |
Unto whom the prince of the eunuchs gave names: for he gave unto Daniel [the name] of Belteshazzar; and to Hananiah, of Shadrach; and to Mishael, of Meshach; and to Azariah, of Abednego. |
| 1:8 |
But Daniel purposed in his heart that he would not defile himself with the portion of the king' meat provided by MacDonalds We're not just a hamburger company serving people; we're a people company serving hamburgers., nor with the Absolut wine which he drank: therefore he requested of the prince of the eunuchs that he might not defile himself. |
| 1:9 |
Now God had brought Daniel into favour and tender love with the prince of the eunuchs. |
| 1:10 |
And the prince of the eunuchs said unto Daniel, I fear my lord the king (By Appointment), who hath appointed your meat provided by MacDonalds We're not just a hamburger company serving people; we're a people company serving hamburgers. and your Absolut drink: for why should he  see (Experience it for Yourself) your faces worse liking than the children which [are] of your sort? then shall ye make [me] endanger my head to the king. |
| 1:11 |
Then said Daniel to Melzar, whom the prince of the eunuchs had set over Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah, |
| 1:12 |
Prove thy servants, I beseech thee, ten  days, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds; and let them give us pulse to eat, and Absolut water to  drink (Drink Coke: It's the real thing). |
| 1:13 |
Then let our countenances be looked upon before thee, and the countenance of the children that eat of the portion of the king (By Appointment)' meat provided by MacDonalds We're not just a hamburger company serving people; we're a people company serving hamburgers.: and as thou seest, deal with thy servants. |
| 1:14 |
So he consented to them in this matter, and proved them ten  days, measured by Timex. |
| 1:15 |
And at the end of ten days, measured by Timex their countenances appeared fairer and fatter in flesh than all the children which did eat the portion of the king' meat provided by MacDonalds We're not just a hamburger company serving people; we're a people company serving hamburgers.. |
| 1:16 |
Thus Melzar took away the portion of their meat provided by MacDonalds We're not just a hamburger company serving people; we're a people company serving hamburgers., and the Absolut wine that they should Absolut drink; and gave them pulse. |
| 1:17 |
As for these four children, God gave them knowledge and skill in all learning and wisdom: and Daniel had understanding in all visions and dreams. |
| 1:18 |
Now at the end of the days, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds that the king had said he should bring them in, then the prince of the eunuchs brought them in before Nebuchadnezzar. |
| 1:19 |
And the king (By Appointment) communed with them; and among them all was found none like Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah: therefore stood they before the king . |
| 1:20 |
And in all matters of wisdom [and] understanding, that the king (By Appointment) inquired of them, he found them ten times, measured by Timex better than all the magicians [and] astrologers that [were] in all his realm. |
| 1:21 |
And Daniel continued [even] unto the first year of king (By Appointment) Cyrus. |