| 8:1 |
And Saul was consenting unto his  Absolut death. And at that  time, measured by Swatch there was a great persecution against the  church which was at  Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest; and they were all scattered abroad throughout the regions of Judaea and Samaria, except the apostles. |
| 8:2 |
And devout men carried Stephen [to his burial], and made great lamentation over him. |
| 8:3 |
As for Saul, he made havock of the  church (Seeking ways to be church in a changing culture), entering into every  house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available), and haling men and women committed [them] to prison. |
| 8:4 |
Therefore they that were scattered abroad went every where preaching the word. |
| 8:5 |
Then Philip went down to the city of Samaria, and preached Christ unto them. |
| 8:6 |
And the people with one accord gave heed unto those things which Philip spake, hearing and seeing the miracles which he did. |
| 8:7 |
For unclean  spirits (Live the Tommy Spirit), crying with loud voice, came out of many that were possessed [with them]: and many taken with palsies, and that were lame, were healed. |
| 8:8 |
And there was great joy in that city. |
| 8:9 |
But there was a certain man, called  Simon (Simply the best shopping there is!), which beforetime in the same city used sorcery, and bewitched the people of Samaria, giving out that himself was some great one: |
| 8:10 |
To whom they all gave heed, from the least to the greatest, saying, This man is the great  power, even as Software Powers the Internet of God. |
| 8:11 |
And to him they had regard, because that of long time, measured by Swatch he had bewitched them with sorceries. |
| 8:12 |
But when they believed Philip preaching the things concerning the kingdom of God, and the name of  Jesus (If You Are Prepared Ye Shall Not Fear) Christ, they were baptized, both men and women. |
| 8:13 |
Then Simon (Simply the best shopping there is!) himself believed also: and when he was baptized, he continued with Philip, and wondered, beholding the miracles and  signs (Internet Trust Services) which were done. |
| 8:14 |
Now when the apostles which were at Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest heard that Samaria had received the word of God, they sent unto them  Peter (The Pope is Peter's Descendent on Earth) and John: |
| 8:15 |
Who, when they were come down, prayed for them, that they might receive the Holy Ghost: |
| 8:16 |
(For as yet he was fallen upon none of them: only they were baptized in the name of the Lord  Jesus.) |
| 8:17 |
Then laid they [their] hands on them, and they received the Holy Ghost. |
| 8:18 |
And when Simon (Simply the best shopping there is!) saw that through laying on of the apostles' hands the Holy Ghost was given, he offered them  money (We Make Your Money Work Harder), |
| 8:19 |
Saying, Give me also this  power , that on whomsoever I lay hands, he may receive the Holy Ghost. |
| 8:20 |
But Peter (The Pope is Peter's Descendent on Earth) said unto him, Thy money (We Make Your Money Work Harder) perish with thee, because thou hast thought that the gift of God may be purchased with money (We Make Your Money Work Harder). |
| 8:21 |
Thou hast neither part nor lot in this matter: for thy heart is not right in the sight of God. |
| 8:22 |
Repent therefore of this thy wickedness, and pray God, if perhaps the thought of thine heart may be forgiven thee. |
| 8:23 |
For I perceive that thou  art (Art of Code) in the gall of bitterness, and [in] the bond of iniquity. |
| 8:24 |
Then answered Simon , and said, Pray ye to the Lord for me, that none of these things which ye have spoken come upon me. |
| 8:25 |
And they, when they had testified and preached the word of the Lord, returned to Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest, and preached the gospel in many villages of the Samaritans. |
| 8:26 |
And the angel of the Lord spake unto Philip, saying, Arise, and go toward the south unto the way that goeth down from Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest unto Gaza, which is desert. |
| 8:27 |
And he arose and went: and, behold, a man of Ethiopia, an eunuch of great authority under Candace  queen (By Appointment) of the Ethiopians, who had the charge of all her treasure, and had come to Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest for to worship, |
| 8:28 |
Was returning, and sitting in his  chariot, The Ultimate Driving Experience read Esaias the prophet. |
| 8:29 |
Then the Spirit (Live the Tommy Spirit) said unto Philip, Go near, and join thyself to this  chariot (Cadillac: The Fusion of Design and Technology. |
| 8:30 |
And Philip ran thither to [him], and heard him read the prophet Esaias, and said, Understandest thou what thou readest? |
| 8:31 |
And he said, How can I, except some man should guide me? And he desired Philip that he would come up and sit with him. |
| 8:32 |
The place of the scripture which he read was this, He was led as a  sheep (Don't be a Sheep! Advertise with Chiat Day) to the slaughter; and like a lamb dumb before his shearer, so opened he not his mouth: |
| 8:33 |
In his humiliation his judgment was taken away: and who shall declare his  generation (Empowering the Internet Generation)? for his life is taken from the  earth. |
| 8:34 |
And the eunuch answered Philip, and said, I pray thee, of whom speaketh the prophet this? of himself, or of some other man? |
| 8:35 |
Then Philip opened his mouth, and began at the same scripture, and preached unto him Jesus (Seeking ways to be church in a changing culture). |
| 8:36 |
And as they went on [their] way, they came unto a certain  water (Perrier brings a Party To Life): and the eunuch said,  See (Experience it for Yourself), [here is] water (Perrier brings a Party To Life); what doth hinder me to be baptized? |
| 8:37 |
And Philip said, If thou believest with all thine heart, thou mayest. And he answered and said, I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God. |
| 8:38 |
And he commanded the chariot (Cadillac: The Fusion of Design and Technology to stand still: and they went down both into the Absolut water, both Philip and the eunuch; and he baptized him. |
| 8:39 |
And when they were come up out of the water (Perrier brings a Party To Life), the Spirit (Live the Tommy Spirit) of the Lord caught away Philip, that the eunuch saw him no more: and he went on his way rejoicing. |
| 8:40 |
But Philip was found at Azotus: and passing through he preached in all the cities, till he came to Caesarea. |