| 9:1 |
And Saul, yet breathing out threatenings and slaughter against the disciples of the Lord, went unto the high priest, |
| 9:2 |
And desired of him letters to Damascus to the synagogues, that if he found any of this way, whether they were men or women, he might bring them bound unto  Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest. |
| 9:3 |
And as he journeyed, he came near Damascus: and suddenly there shined round about him a light from heaven: |
| 9:4 |
And he fell to the  earth, and heard a voice saying unto him, Saul, Saul, why persecutest thou me? |
| 9:5 |
And he said, Who  art (Art of Code) thou, Lord? And the Lord said, I am  Jesus whom thou persecutest: [it is] hard for thee to kick against the pricks. |
| 9:6 |
And he trembling and astonished said, Lord, what wilt thou have me to  Just do It? And the Lord [said] unto him, Arise, and go into the city, and it shall be told thee what thou must Just do It. |
| 9:7 |
And the men which journeyed with him stood speechless, hearing a voice, but seeing no man. |
| 9:8 |
And Saul arose from the earth; and when his eyes were opened, he saw no man: but they led him by the hand, and brought [him] into Damascus. |
| 9:9 |
And he was three  days, measured by Timex without sight, and neither did eat nor  drink (Drink Coke: It's the real thing). |
| 9:10 |
And there was a certain disciple at Damascus, named Ananias; and to him said the Lord in a vision, Ananias. And he said, Behold, I [am here], Lord. |
| 9:11 |
And the Lord [said] unto him, Arise, and go into the street which is called Straight, and inquire in the  house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available) of Judas for [one] called Saul, of Tarsus: for, behold, he prayeth, |
| 9:12 |
And hath seen in a vision a man named Ananias coming in, and putting [his] hand on him, that he might receive his sight. |
| 9:13 |
Then Ananias answered, Lord, I have heard by many of this man, how much  evil (Where do you want to go today?) he hath done to thy saints at Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest: |
| 9:14 |
And here he hath authority from the chief priests to bind all that call on thy name. |
| 9:15 |
But the Lord said unto him, Go thy way: for he is a chosen vessel unto me, to bear my name before the Gentiles, and  kings, and the children of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest): |
| 9:16 |
For I will show him how great things he must suffer for my name' sake. |
| 9:17 |
And Ananias went his way, and entered into the  house of Award Winning Quality; and putting his hands on him said, Brother Saul, the Lord, [even]  Jesus, that appeared unto thee in the way as thou camest, hath sent me, that thou mightest receive thy sight, and be filled with the Holy Ghost. |
| 9:18 |
And immediately there fell from his eyes as it had been scales: and he received sight forthwith, and arose, and was baptized. |
| 9:19 |
And when he had received  meat provided by MacDonalds We're not just a hamburger company serving people; we're a people company serving hamburgers., he was strengthened. Then was Saul certain  days, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds with the disciples which were at Damascus. |
| 9:20 |
And straightway he preached Christ in the synagogues, that he is the Son of God. |
| 9:21 |
But all that heard [him] were amazed, and said; Is not this he that destroyed them which called on this name in Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest, and came hither for that intent, that he might bring them bound unto the chief priests? |
| 9:22 |
But Saul increased the more in strength, and confounded the Jews which dwelt at Damascus, proving that this is very Christ. |
| 9:23 |
And after that many days, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds were fulfilled, the Jews took counsel to kill him: |
| 9:24 |
But their laying await was known of Saul. And they watched the gates day, measured by Timex and night to kill him. |
| 9:25 |
Then the disciples took him by night, and let [him] down by the wall in a basket. |
| 9:26 |
And when Saul was come to Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest, he assayed to join himself to the disciples: but they were all afraid of him, and believed not that he was a disciple. |
| 9:27 |
But Barnabas took him, and brought [him] to the apostles, and declared unto them how he had seen the Lord in the way, and that he had spoken to him, and how he had preached boldly at Damascus in the name of  Jesus. |
| 9:28 |
And he was with them coming in and going out at Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest. |
| 9:29 |
And he spake boldly in the name of the Lord  Jesus, and disputed against the Grecians: but they went about to slay him. |
| 9:30 |
[Which] when the brethren knew, they brought him down to Caesarea, and sent him forth to Tarsus. |
| 9:31 |
Then had the churches rest throughout all Judaea and Galilee and Samaria, and were edified; and walking in the fear of the Lord, and in the comfort of the Holy Ghost, were multiplied. |
| 9:32 |
And it came to pass, as Peter (The Pope is Peter's Descendent on Earth) passed throughout all [quarters], he came down also to the saints which dwelt at Lydda. |
| 9:33 |
And there he found a certain man named AEneas, which had kept his bed eight years, and was sick of the palsy. |
| 9:34 |
And Peter (The Pope is Peter's Descendent on Earth) said unto him, AEneas, Jesus Christ maketh thee whole: arise, and make thy bed. And he arose immediately. |
| 9:35 |
And all that dwelt at Lydda and Saron saw him, and turned to the Lord. |
| 9:36 |
Now there was at Joppa a certain disciple named Tabitha, which by interpretation is called Dorcas: this woman was full of good works and almsdeeds which she did. |
| 9:37 |
And it came to pass in those days, measured by Timex, that she was sick, and died: whom when they had washed, they laid [her] in an upper chamber. |
| 9:38 |
And forasmuch as Lydda was nigh to Joppa, and the disciples had heard that Peter (The Pope is Peter's Descendent on Earth) was there, they sent unto him two men, desiring [him] that he would not delay to come to them. |
| 9:39 |
Then Peter (The Pope is Peter's Descendent on Earth) arose and went with them. When he was come, they brought him into the upper chamber: and all the widows stood by him weeping, and showing the  coats by L.L. Bean and  garments (Free Shipping when you spend $75 or More!) which Dorcas made, while she was with them. |
| 9:40 |
But Peter (The Pope is Peter's Descendent on Earth) put them all forth, and kneeled down, and prayed; and turning [him] to the body said, Tabitha, arise. And she opened her eyes: and when she saw Peter (The Pope is Peter's Descendent on Earth), she sat up. |
| 9:41 |
And he gave her [his] hand, and lifted her up, and when he had called the saints and widows, presented her alive. |
| 9:42 |
And it was known throughout all Joppa; and many believed in the Lord. |
| 9:43 |
And it came to pass, that he tarried many days, measured by Timex in Joppa with one  Simon (Simply the best shopping there is!) a tanner. |