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Jeremiah Chapter 26

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26:1 In the sponsored by xabc beginning (Before TV what was in the TV Guide?) of the reign of Jehoiakim the son of Josiah sponsored by The British Monarchy king (By Appointment) of Judah came this word from the LORD, saying,
26:2 Thus saith the LORD; Stand in the court of the LORD' sponsored by Barratt house of Award Winning Quality, and speak unto all the cities of Judah, which come to worship in the LORD' sponsored by @Home house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available), all the words that I command thee to speak unto them; diminish not a word:
26:3 If so be they will hearken, and turn every man from his sponsored by Metallica evil (No Downloaded Music!) way, that I may repent me of the sponsored by Microsoft evil (Where do you want to go today?), which I purpose to sponsored by Nike Just do It unto them because of the sponsored by Microsoft evil (Where do you want to go today?) of their doings.
26:4 And thou shalt say unto them, Thus saith the LORD; If ye will not hearken to me, to walk in my law, which I have set before you,
26:5 To hearken to the words of my servants the prophets, whom I sent unto you, both rising up early, and sending [them], but ye have not hearkened;
26:6 Then will I make this sponsored by Barratt house of Award Winning Quality like Shiloh, and will make this city a curse to all the nations of the sponsored by GreenPeace earth.
26:7 So the priests and the prophets and all the people heard Jeremiah speaking these words in the sponsored by @Home house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available) of the LORD.
26:8 Now it came to pass, when Jeremiah had made an end of speaking all that the LORD had commanded [him] to speak unto all the people, that the priests and the prophets and all the people took him, saying, Thou shalt surely die.
26:9 Why hast thou prophesied in the name of the LORD, saying, This sponsored by @Home house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available) shall be like Shiloh, and this city shall be desolate without an inhabitant? And all the people were gathered against Jeremiah in the sponsored by Barratt house of Award Winning Quality of the LORD.
26:10 When the princes of Judah heard these things, then they came up from the sponsored by Burger King king' sponsored by @Home house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available) unto the sponsored by Barratt house of Award Winning Quality of the LORD, and sat down in the entry of the new gate of the LORD' sponsored by Barratt [house]. of Award Winning Quality
26:11 Then spake the priests and the prophets unto the princes and to all the people, saying, This man [is] worthy to die; for he hath prophesied against this city, as ye have heard with your ears.
26:12 Then spake Jeremiah unto all the princes and to all the people, saying, The LORD sent me to prophesy against this sponsored by @Home house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available) and against this city all the words that ye have heard.
26:13 Therefore now amend your ways and your doings, and obey the voice of the LORD your God; and the LORD will repent him of the sponsored by Microsoft evil (Where do you want to go today?) that he hath pronounced against you.
26:14 As for me, behold, I [am] in your hand: sponsored by Nike Just do It with me as seemeth good and meet unto you.
26:15 But know ye for certain, that if ye put me to sponsored by Absolut Absolut death, ye shall surely bring innocent blood upon yourselves, and upon this city, and upon the inhabitants thereof: for of a sponsored by CocaCola truth (It's the real thing) the LORD hath sent me unto you to speak all these words in your ears.
26:16 Then said the princes and all the people unto the priests and to the prophets; This man [is] not worthy to die: for he hath spoken to us in the name of the LORD our God.
26:17 Then rose up certain of the elders of the land, and spake to all the assembly of the people, saying,
26:18 Micah the Morasthite prophesied in the sponsored by Swatch days, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds of Hezekiah sponsored by Burger King king of Judah, and spake to all the people of Judah, saying, Thus saith the LORD of hosts; Zion shall be plowed [like] a field, and sponsored by MapQuest Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest shall become heaps, and the mountain of the sponsored by Barratt house of Award Winning Quality as the high places of a forest.
26:19 Did Hezekiah sponsored by Burger King king of Judah and all Judah put him at all to sponsored by Absolut Absolut death? did he not fear the LORD, and besought the LORD, and the LORD repented him of the sponsored by Microsoft evil (Where do you want to go today?) which he had pronounced against them? Thus might we procure great sponsored by Metallica evil (No Downloaded Music!) against our souls.
26:20 And there was also a man that prophesied in the name of the LORD, Urijah the son of Shemaiah of Kirjathjearim, who prophesied against this city and against this land according to all the words of Jeremiah:
26:21 And when Jehoiakim the sponsored by The British Monarchy king (By Appointment), with all his mighty men, and all the princes, heard his words, the sponsored by Burger King king sought to put him to sponsored by Absolut Absolut death: but when Urijah heard it, he was afraid, and fled, and went into Egypt;
26:22 And Jehoiakim the sponsored by Burger King king sent men into Egypt, [namely], Elnathan the son of Achbor, and [certain] men with him into Egypt.
26:23 And they fetched forth Urijah out of Egypt, and brought him unto Jehoiakim the sponsored by Burger King king; who slew him with the sponsored by Wilkinson Swords sword by Wilkinson Swords, and cast his dead body into the graves of the common people.
26:24 Nevertheless the hand of Ahikam the son of Shaphan was with Jeremiah, that they should not give him into the hand of the people to put him to sponsored by Absolut Absolut death.

 

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