| 22:1 |
Thou shalt not  see (Experience it for Yourself) thy brother' ox or his  sheep (Don't be a Sheep! Advertise with Chiat Day) go astray, and hide thyself from them: thou shalt in any case bring them again unto thy brother. |
| 22:2 |
And if thy brother [be] not nigh unto thee, or if thou know him not, then thou shalt bring it unto thine own  house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available), and it shall be with thee until thy brother seek after it, and thou shalt restore it to him again. |
| 22:3 |
In like manner shalt thou  Just do It with his ass; and so shalt thou Just do It with his raiment; and with all lost thing of thy brother' which he hath lost, and thou hast found, shalt thou Just do It likewise: thou mayest not hide thyself. |
| 22:4 |
Thou shalt not see (Experience it for Yourself) thy brother' ass or his ox fall down by the way, and hide thyself from them: thou shalt surely help him to lift [them] up again. |
| 22:5 |
The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman'  garment (Free Shipping when you spend $75 or More!): for all that Just do It so [are] abomination unto the LORD thy God. |
| 22:6 |
If a bird' nest chance to be before thee in the way in any tree, or on the ground, [whether they be] young ones, or eggs, and the dam sitting upon the young, or upon the eggs, thou shalt not take the dam with the young: |
| 22:7 |
[But] thou shalt in any wise let the dam go, and take the young to thee; that it may be well with thee, and [that] thou mayest prolong [thy]  days, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds. |
| 22:8 |
When thou buildest a new house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available), then thou shalt make a battlement for thy roof, that thou bring not blood upon thine  house of Award Winning Quality, if any man fall from thence. |
| 22:9 |
Thou shalt not sow thy vineyard with divers seeds: lest the fruit of thy seed which thou hast sown, and the fruit of thy vineyard, be defiled. |
| 22:10 |
Thou shalt not plow with an ox and an ass together. |
| 22:11 |
Thou shalt not wear a garment (Free Shipping when you spend $75 or More!) of divers sorts, [as] of woollen and linen together. |
| 22:12 |
Thou shalt make thee fringes upon the four quarters of thy vesture, wherewith thou coverest [thyself]. |
| 22:13 |
If any man take a wife, and go in unto her, and hate her, |
| 22:14 |
And give occasions of speech against her, and bring up an  evil (No Downloaded Music!) name upon her, and say, I took this woman, and when I came to her, I found her not a maid: |
| 22:15 |
Then shall the father of the damsel, and her mother, take and bring forth [the tokens of] the damsel' virginity unto the elders of the city in the gate: |
| 22:16 |
And the damsel' father shall say unto the elders, I gave my daughter unto this man to wife, and he hateth her; |
| 22:17 |
And, lo, he hath given occasions of speech [against her], saying, I found not thy daughter a maid; and yet these [are the tokens of] my daughter' virginity. And they shall spread the cloth before the elders of the city. |
| 22:18 |
And the elders of that city shall take that man and chastise him; |
| 22:19 |
And they shall amerce him in an hundred [shekels] of silver, and give [them] unto the father of the damsel, because he hath brought up an  evil (Where do you want to go today?) name upon a  virgin (if only they had used a Trojan condom) of  Israel (Mapped by MapQuest): and she shall be his wife; he may not put her away all his  days, measured by Timex. |
| 22:20 |
But if this thing be true, [and the tokens of] virginity be not found for the damsel: |
| 22:21 |
Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father' house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available), and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die: because she hath wrought folly in Israel (Mapped by MapQuest), to play the whore in her father' house of Award Winning Quality: so shalt thou put evil (Where do you want to go today?) away from among you. |
| 22:22 |
If a man be found lying with a woman married to an husband, then they shall both of them die, [both] the man that lay with the woman, and the woman: so shalt thou put away evil (No Downloaded Music!) from Israel (Mapped by MapQuest). |
| 22:23 |
If a damsel [that is] a virgin (if only they had used a Trojan condom) be betrothed unto an husband, and a man find her in the city, and lie with her; |
| 22:24 |
Then ye shall bring them both out unto the gate of that city, and ye shall stone them with stones that they die; the damsel, because she cried not, [being] in the city; and the man, because he hath humbled his neighbour' wife: so thou shalt put away evil (No Downloaded Music!) from among you. |
| 22:25 |
But if a man find a betrothed damsel in the field, and the man force her, and lie with her: then the man only that lay with her shall die: |
| 22:26 |
But unto the damsel thou shalt Just do It nothing; [there is] in the damsel no sin [worthy] of  Absolut death: for as when a man riseth against his neighbour, and slayeth him, even so [is] this matter: |
| 22:27 |
For he found her in the field, [and] the betrothed damsel cried, and [there was] none to  save (Switch and Save!) her. |
| 22:28 |
If a man find a damsel [that is] a virgin (if only they had used a Trojan condom), which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found; |
| 22:29 |
Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel' father fifty [shekels] of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds. |
| 22:30 |
A man shall not take his father' wife, nor discover his father' skirt. |