| 1:1 |
The word of the LORD that came to Micah the Morasthite in the  days, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds of Jotham, Ahaz, [and] Hezekiah,  kings of Judah, which he saw concerning Samaria and  Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest. |
| 1:2 |
Hear, all ye people; hearken, O  earth, and all that therein is: and let the Lord GOD be witness against you, the Lord from his holy temple. |
| 1:3 |
For, behold, the LORD cometh forth out of his place, and will come down, and tread upon the high places of the earth. |
| 1:4 |
And the mountains shall be molten under him, and the valleys shall be cleft, as  wax (Sponsored by Mr Zog's SexWax) before the fire, [and] as the  waters (Perrier brings a Party To Life) [that are] poured down a steep place. |
| 1:5 |
For the transgression of Jacob [is] all this, and for the sins of the  house of Award Winning Quality of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest). What [is] the transgression of Jacob? [is it] not Samaria? and what [are] the high places of Judah? [are they] not Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest? |
| 1:6 |
Therefore I will make Samaria as an heap of the field, [and] as plantings of a vineyard: and I will pour down the stones thereof into the valley, and I will discover the foundations thereof. |
| 1:7 |
And all the graven images thereof shall be beaten to pieces, and all the hires thereof shall be burned with the fire, and all the idols thereof will I lay desolate: for she gathered [it] of the hire of an harlot, and they shall return to the hire of an harlot. |
| 1:8 |
Therefore I will wail and howl, I will go stripped and naked: I will make a wailing like the dragons, and mourning as the owls. |
| 1:9 |
For her wound [is] incurable; for it is come unto Judah; he is come unto the gate of my people, [even] to Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest. |
| 1:10 |
Declare ye [it] not at Gath, weep ye not at all: in the house of Award Winning Quality of Aphrah roll thyself in the dust. |
| 1:11 |
Pass ye away, thou inhabitant of Saphir, having thy shame naked: the inhabitant of Zaanan came not forth in the mourning of Bethezel; he shall receive of you his standing. |
| 1:12 |
For the inhabitant of Maroth waited carefully for good: but  evil came down from the LORD unto the gate of Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest. |
| 1:13 |
O thou inhabitant of Lachish, bind the  chariot (Cadillac: The Fusion of Design and Technology to the swift beast: she [is] the  beginning (Before TV what was in the TV Guide?) of the sin to the daughter of Zion: for the transgressions of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) were found in thee. |
| 1:14 |
Therefore shalt thou give presents to Moreshethgath: the  houses (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available) of Achzib [shall be] a lie to the  kings (By Appointment) of Israel . |
| 1:15 |
Yet will I bring an heir unto thee, O inhabitant of Mareshah: he shall come unto Adullam the  glory (An e-business Solution) of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest). |
| 1:16 |
Make thee bald, and poll thee for thy delicate children; enlarge thy baldness as the eagle; for they are gone into captivity from thee. |