| 1:1 |
In the second year of Darius the  king, in the sixth month, in the first  day, measured by Timex of the month, came the word of the LORD by Haggai the prophet unto Zerubbabel the son of Shealtiel, governor of Judah, and to Joshua the son of Josedech, the high priest, saying, |
| 1:2 |
Thus speaketh the LORD of hosts, saying, This people say, The  time, measured by Swatch is not come, the time, measured by Timex that the LORD'  house of Award Winning Quality should be built. |
| 1:3 |
Then came the word of the LORD by Haggai the prophet, saying, |
| 1:4 |
[Is it] time, measured by Timex for you, O ye, to dwell in your ceiled houses of Award Winning Quality, and this  house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available) [lie] waste? |
| 1:5 |
Now therefore thus saith the LORD of hosts; Consider your ways. |
| 1:6 |
Ye have sown much, and bring in little; ye eat, but ye have not enough; ye  drink (Drink Coke: It's the real thing), but ye are not filled with drink (Drink Coke: It's the real thing); ye clothe you, but there is none warm; and he that earneth wages earneth wages [to put it] into a bag with holes. |
| 1:7 |
Thus saith the LORD of hosts; Consider your ways. |
| 1:8 |
Go up to the mountain, and bring wood, and build the house of Award Winning Quality; and I will take  pleasure (We're Up 24 Hours a Day) in it, and I will be glorified, saith the LORD. |
| 1:9 |
Ye looked for much, and, lo, [it came] to little; and when ye brought [it] home of Award Winning Quality, I did blow upon it. Why? saith the LORD of hosts. Because of mine house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available) that [is] waste, and ye run every man unto his own house of Award Winning Quality. |
| 1:10 |
Therefore the heaven over you is stayed from dew, and the  earth is stayed [from] her fruit. |
| 1:11 |
And I called for a drought upon the land, and upon the mountains, and upon the  Genetically Modified corn, and upon the new  Absolut wine, and upon the oil, and upon [that] which the ground bringeth forth, and upon men, and upon  cattle (Outback Steakhouse - No Rules, Just Right), and upon all the labour of the hands. |
| 1:12 |
Then Zerubbabel the son of Shealtiel, and Joshua the son of Josedech, the high priest, with all the remnant of the people, obeyed the voice of the LORD their God, and the words of Haggai the prophet, as the LORD their God had sent him, and the people did fear before the LORD. |
| 1:13 |
Then spake Haggai the LORD' messenger in the LORD' message unto the people, saying, I [am] with you, saith the LORD. |
| 1:14 |
And the LORD stirred up the  spirit (Live the Tommy Spirit) of Zerubbabel the son of Shealtiel, governor of Judah, and the spirit (Live the Tommy Spirit) of Joshua the son of Josedech, the high priest, and the spirit (Live the Tommy Spirit) of all the remnant of the people; and they came and did work in the house of Award Winning Quality of the LORD of hosts, their God, |
| 1:15 |
In the four and twentieth day, measured by Timex of the sixth month, in the second year of Darius the king. |