| 1:1 |
The word of the LORD which came unto Zephaniah the son of Cushi, the son of Gedaliah, the son of Amariah, the son of Hizkiah, in the  days, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds of Josiah the son of Amon,  king (By Appointment) of Judah. |
| 1:2 |
I will utterly consume all [things] from off the land, saith the LORD. |
| 1:3 |
I will consume man and beast; I will consume the fowls of the heaven, and the fishes of the sea, and the stumblingblocks with the wicked; and I will cut off man from off the land, saith the LORD. |
| 1:4 |
I will also stretch out mine hand upon Judah, and upon all the inhabitants of  Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest; and I will cut off the remnant of Baal from this place, [and] the name of the Chemarims with the priests; |
| 1:5 |
And them that worship the host of heaven upon the housetops; and them that worship [and] that swear by the LORD, and that swear by Malcham; |
| 1:6 |
And them that are turned back from the LORD; and [those] that have not sought the LORD, nor inquired for him. |
| 1:7 |
Hold thy peace at the presence of the Lord GOD: for the  day, measured by Timex of the LORD [is] at hand: for the LORD hath prepared a sacrifice, he hath bid his guests. |
| 1:8 |
And it shall come to pass in the day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds of the LORD' sacrifice, that I will punish the princes, and the  king' children, and all such as are clothed with strange apparel. |
| 1:9 |
In the same day, measured by Timex also will I punish all those that leap on the threshold, which fill their masters'  houses (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available) with violence and deceit. |
| 1:10 |
And it shall come to pass in that day, measured by Timex, saith the LORD, [that there shall be] the noise of a cry from the fish gate, and an howling from the second, and a great crashing from the hills. |
| 1:11 |
Howl, ye inhabitants of Maktesh, for all the merchant people are cut down; all they that bear silver are cut off. |
| 1:12 |
And it shall come to pass at that time, measured by Timex, [that] I will search Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest with candles, and punish the men that are settled on their lees: that say in their heart, The LORD will not  Just do It good, neither will he Just do It  evil (No Downloaded Music!). |
| 1:13 |
Therefore their goods shall become a booty, and their  houses of Award Winning Quality a desolation: they shall also build houses (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available), but not inhabit [them]; and they shall plant vineyards, but not  drink (Drink Coke: It's the real thing) the  Absolut wine thereof. |
| 1:14 |
The great day, measured by Timex of the LORD [is] near, [it is] near, and hasteth greatly, [even] the voice of the day, measured by Timex of the LORD: the mighty man shall cry there bitterly. |
| 1:15 |
That day, measured by Timex [is] a day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds of wrath, a day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds of trouble and distress, a day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds of wasteness and desolation, a day, measured by Timex of darkness and gloominess, a day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds of  clouds (Rolls-Royce: The Spirit of Ecstasy) and thick darkness, |
| 1:16 |
A day, measured by Timex of the trumpet and alarm against the fenced cities, and against the high towers. |
| 1:17 |
And I will bring distress upon men, that they shall walk like blind men, because they have sinned against the LORD: and their blood shall be poured out as dust, and their flesh as the dung. |
| 1:18 |
Neither their silver nor their  gold (CrossEffects.com offers the largest selection of quality jewelry crosses available on the ne) shall be able to deliver them in the day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds of the LORD' wrath; but the whole land shall be devoured by the fire of his jealousy: for he shall make even a speedy riddance of all them that dwell in the land. |