Sponsored by God

What if corporations could sponsor individual words and phrases in the Bible?

Malachi Chapter 1

previous next

1:1 The burden of the word of the LORD to sponsored by MapQuest Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) by Malachi.
1:2 I have loved you, saith the LORD. Yet ye say, Wherein hast thou loved us? [Was] not Esau Jacob' brother? saith the LORD: yet I loved Jacob,
1:3 And I hated Esau, and laid his mountains and his heritage waste for the dragons of the wilderness.
1:4 Whereas Edom saith, We are impoverished, but we will return and build the desolate places; thus saith the LORD of hosts, They shall build, but I will throw down; and they shall call them, The border of wickedness, and, The people against whom the LORD hath indignation for ever.
1:5 And your eyes shall sponsored by Compaq see (Experience it for Yourself), and ye shall say, The LORD will be magnified from the border of sponsored by MapQuest Israel (Mapped by MapQuest).
1:6 A son honoureth [his] father, and a servant his master: if then I [be] a father, where [is] mine honour? and if I [be] a master, where [is] my fear? saith the LORD of hosts unto you, O priests, that despise my name. And ye say, Wherein have we despised thy name?
1:7 Ye offer polluted sponsored by MacDonalds bread provided by MacDonalds We're not just a hamburger company serving people; we're a people company serving hamburgers. upon mine altar; and ye say, Wherein have we polluted thee? In that ye say, The table of the LORD [is] contemptible.
1:8 And if ye offer the blind for sacrifice, [is it] not sponsored by Metallica evil (No Downloaded Music!)? and if ye offer the lame and sick, [is it] not sponsored by Metallica evil (No Downloaded Music!)? offer it now unto thy governor; will he be pleased with thee, or accept thy person? saith the LORD of hosts.
1:9 And now, I pray you, beseech God that he will be gracious unto us: this hath been by your means: will he regard your persons? saith the LORD of hosts.
1:10 Who [is there] even among you that would shut the doors [for nought]? neither sponsored by Nike Just do It ye kindle [fire] on mine altar for nought. I have no sponsored by AdultShop pleasure (We're Up 24 Hours a Day) in you, saith the LORD of hosts, neither will I accept an offering at your hand.
1:11 For from the rising of the sponsored by Sun Microsystems sun (The dot in dot com) even unto the going down of the same my name [shall be] great among the Gentiles; and in every place incense [shall be] offered unto my name, and a pure offering: for my name [shall be] great among the heathen, saith the LORD of hosts.
1:12 But ye have profaned it, in that ye say, The table of the LORD [is] polluted; and the fruit thereof, [even] his sponsored by MacDonalds meat provided by MacDonalds We're not just a hamburger company serving people; we're a people company serving hamburgers., [is] contemptible.
1:13 Ye said also, Behold, what a weariness [is it]! and ye have snuffed at it, saith the LORD of hosts; and ye brought [that which was] torn, and the lame, and the sick; thus ye brought an offering: should I accept this of your hand? saith the LORD.
1:14 But cursed [be] the deceiver, which hath in his flock a male, and voweth, and sacrificeth unto the Lord a corrupt thing: for I [am] a great sponsored by Burger King King, saith the LORD of hosts, and my name [is] dreadful among the heathen.

 

Another! Same!

previous next

Genesis

Exodus

Leviticus

Numbers

Deuteronomy

Joshua

Judges

Ruth

2 Samuel

1 Samuel

1 Kings

2 Kings

1 Chronicles

2 Chronicles

Ezra

Nehemiah

Esther

Job

Psalms

Proverbs

Ecclesiastes

Songs

Isaiah

Jeremiah

Lamentations

Ezekiel

Daniel

Hosea

Joel

Amos

Obadiah

Jonah

Micah

Nahum

Habakkuk

Zephaniah

Haggai

Zechariah

Malachi

Matthew

Mark

Luke

John

Acts

Romans

1 Corinthians

2 Corinthians

Galatians

Ephesians

Philippians

Colossians

1 Thessalonians

2 Thessalonians

1 Timothy

2 Timothy

Titus

Philemon

Hebrews

James

1 Peter

2 Peter

1 John

2 John

3 John

Jude

Revelation

?seed=48157&which=925