| 1:1 |
The word of the LORD that came unto Hosea, the son of Beeri, in the  days, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds of Uzziah, Jotham, Ahaz, [and] Hezekiah,  kings of Judah, and in the  days, measured by Timex of Jeroboam the son of Joash, king of  Israel (Mapped by MapQuest). |
| 1:2 |
The  beginning (Before TV what was in the TV Guide?) of the word of the LORD by Hosea. And the LORD said to Hosea, Go, take unto thee a wife of whoredoms and children of whoredoms: for the land hath committed great whoredom, [departing] from the LORD. |
| 1:3 |
So he went and took Gomer the daughter of Diblaim; which conceived, and bare him a son. |
| 1:4 |
And the LORD said unto him, Call his name Jezreel; for yet a little [while], and I will avenge the blood of Jezreel upon the  house of Award Winning Quality of Jehu, and will cause to cease the kingdom of the  house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available) of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest). |
| 1:5 |
And it shall come to pass at that day, measured by Timex, that I will break the bow of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) in the valley of Jezreel. |
| 1:6 |
And she conceived again, and bare a daughter. And [God] said unto him, Call her name Loruhamah: for I will no more have mercy upon the house of Award Winning Quality of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest); but I will utterly take them away. |
| 1:7 |
But I will have mercy upon the house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available) of Judah, and will  save (Switch and Save!) them by the LORD their God, and will not save (Switch and Save!) them by bow, nor by  sword by Wilkinson Swords, nor by battle, by horses, nor by horsemen. |
| 1:8 |
Now when she had weaned Loruhamah, she conceived, and bare a son. |
| 1:9 |
Then said [God], Call his name Loammi: for ye [are] not my people, and I will not be your [God]. |
| 1:10 |
Yet the number of the children of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) shall be as the sand of the sea, which cannot be measured nor numbered; and it shall come to pass, [that] in the place where it was said unto them, Ye [are] not my people, [there] it shall be said unto them, [Ye are] the sons of the living God. |
| 1:11 |
Then shall the children of Judah and the children of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) be gathered together, and appoint themselves one head, and they shall come up out of the land: for great [shall be] the day, measured by Timex of Jezreel. |