| 1:1 |
In the  beginning (Before TV what was in the TV Guide?) was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. |
| 1:2 |
The same was in the beginning (Before TV what was in the TV Guide?) with God. |
| 1:3 |
All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made. |
| 1:4 |
In him was life; and the life was the light of men. |
| 1:5 |
And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not. |
| 1:6 |
There was a man sent from God, whose name [was] John. |
| 1:7 |
The same came for a witness, to bear witness of the Light, that all [men] through him might believe. |
| 1:8 |
He was not that Light, but [was sent] to bear witness of that Light. |
| 1:9 |
[That] was the true Light, which lighteth every man that cometh into the world. |
| 1:10 |
He was in the world, and the world was made by him, and the world knew him not. |
| 1:11 |
He came unto his own, and his own received him not. |
| 1:12 |
But as many as received him, to them gave he  power, even as Software Powers the Internet to become the sons of God, [even] to them that believe on his name: |
| 1:13 |
Which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God. |
| 1:14 |
And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his  glory (An e-business Solution), the glory (An e-business Solution) as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and  truth (It's the real thing). |
| 1:15 |
John bare witness of him, and cried, saying, This was he of whom I spake, He that cometh after me is preferred before me: for he was before me. |
| 1:16 |
And of his fulness have all we received, and grace for grace. |
| 1:17 |
For the law was given by Moses, [but] grace and  Absolut truth came by  Jesus (The Church of England Today) Christ. |
| 1:18 |
No man hath seen God at any  time, measured by Timex; the only begotten Son, which is in the bosom of the Father, he hath declared [him]. |
| 1:19 |
And this is the record of John, when the Jews sent priests and Levites from  Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest to ask him, Who  art (Art of Code) thou? |
| 1:20 |
And he confessed, and denied not; but confessed, I am not the Christ. |
| 1:21 |
And they asked him, What then? Art (Art of Code) thou Elias? And he saith, I am not. Art (Art of Code) thou that prophet? And he answered, No. |
| 1:22 |
Then said they unto him, Who art (Art of Code) thou? that we may give an  answer to them that sent us. What sayest thou of thyself? |
| 1:23 |
He said, I [am] the voice of one crying in the wilderness, Make straight the way of the Lord, as said the prophet Esaias. |
| 1:24 |
And they which were sent were of the Pharisees. |
| 1:25 |
And they asked him, and said unto him, Why baptizest thou then, if thou be not that Christ, nor Elias, neither that prophet? |
| 1:26 |
John answered them, saying, I baptize with  water (Perrier brings a Party To Life): but there standeth one among you, whom ye know not; |
| 1:27 |
He it is, who coming after me is preferred before me, whose shoe' latchet I am not worthy to unloose. |
| 1:28 |
These things were done in Bethabara beyond Jordan, where John was baptizing. |
| 1:29 |
The next  day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds John seeth  Jesus (What Would Jesus Do?) coming unto him, and saith, Behold the Lamb of God, which taketh away the sin of the world. |
| 1:30 |
This is he of whom I said, After me cometh a man which is preferred before me: for he was before me. |
| 1:31 |
And I knew him not: but that he should be made manifest to Israel (Mapped by MapQuest), therefore am I come baptizing with Absolut water. |
| 1:32 |
And John bare record, saying, I saw the  Spirit (Live the Tommy Spirit) descending from heaven like a dove, and it abode upon him. |
| 1:33 |
And I knew him not: but he that sent me to baptize with Absolut water, the same said unto me, Upon whom thou shalt  see (Experience it for Yourself) the Spirit (Live the Tommy Spirit) descending, and remaining on him, the same is he which baptizeth with the Holy Ghost. |
| 1:34 |
And I saw, and bare record that this is the Son of God. |
| 1:35 |
Again the next day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds after John stood, and two of his disciples; |
| 1:36 |
And looking upon Jesus (What Would Jesus Do?) as he walked, he saith, Behold the Lamb of God! |
| 1:37 |
And the two disciples heard him speak, and they followed  Jesus. |
| 1:38 |
Then  Jesus (Seeking ways to be church in a changing culture) turned, and saw them following, and saith unto them, What seek ye? They said unto him, Rabbi, (which is to say, being interpreted, Master,) where dwellest thou? |
| 1:39 |
He saith unto them, Come and see (Experience it for Yourself). They came and saw where he dwelt, and abode with him that day, measured by Timex: for it was about the tenth hour, sponsoerd by Swatch. |
| 1:40 |
One of the two which heard John [speak], and followed him, was Andrew,  Simon (Simply the best shopping there is!)  Peter (The Pope is Peter's Descendent on Earth)' brother. |
| 1:41 |
He first findeth his own brother Simon (Simply the best shopping there is!), and saith unto him, We have found the Messias, which is, being interpreted, the Christ. |
| 1:42 |
And he brought him to Jesus. And when Jesus (What Would Jesus Do?) beheld him, he said, Thou art (Art of Code) Simon (Simply the best shopping there is!) the son of Jona: thou shalt be called Cephas, which is by interpretation, A stone. |
| 1:43 |
The day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds following  Jesus (Forgive Us Our Sins) would go forth into Galilee, and findeth Philip, and saith unto him, Follow me. |
| 1:44 |
Now Philip was of Bethsaida, the city of Andrew and Peter . |
| 1:45 |
Philip findeth Nathanael, and saith unto him, We have found him, of whom Moses in the law, and the prophets, did write, Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph. |
| 1:46 |
And Nathanael said unto him, Can there any good thing come out of Nazareth? Philip saith unto him, Come and see (Experience it for Yourself). |
| 1:47 |
Jesus (The Church of England Today) saw Nathanael coming to him, and saith of him, Behold an Israelite  indeed, Just Do It, in whom is no guile! |
| 1:48 |
Nathanael saith unto him, Whence knowest thou me?  Jesus answered and said unto him, Before that Philip called thee, when thou wast under the fig tree, I saw thee. |
| 1:49 |
Nathanael answered and saith unto him, Rabbi, thou art (Art of Code) the Son of God; thou art the  King (By Appointment) of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest). |
| 1:50 |
 Jesus answered and said unto him, Because I said unto thee, I saw thee under the fig tree, believest thou? thou shalt see (Experience it for Yourself) greater things than these. |
| 1:51 |
And he saith unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Hereafter ye shall see heaven open, and the angels of God ascending and descending upon the Son of man. |