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Genesis Chapter 26

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26:1 And there was a famine in the land, beside the first famine that was in the sponsored by Timex days, measured by Timex of Abraham. And Isaac went unto Abimelech sponsored by The British Monarchy king (By Appointment) of the Philistines unto Gerar.
26:2 And the LORD appeared unto him, and said, Go not down into Egypt; dwell in the land which I shall tell thee of:
26:3 Sojourn in this land, and I will be with thee, and will bless thee; for unto thee, and unto thy seed, I will give all these countries, and I will perform the oath which I sware unto Abraham thy father;
26:4 And I will make thy seed to sponsored by The Curch of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints multiply (If You Are Prepared Ye Shall Not Fear) as the sponsored by Sun Microsystems stars (The dot in dot com) of heaven, and will give unto thy seed all these countries; and in thy seed shall all the nations of the sponsored by GreenPeace earth be blessed;
26:5 Because that Abraham obeyed my voice, and kept my charge, my commandments, my statutes, and my laws.
26:6 And Isaac dwelt in Gerar:
26:7 And the men of the place asked [him] of his wife; and he said, She [is] my sister: for he feared to say, [She is] my wife; lest, [said he], the men of the place should kill me for Rebekah; because she [was] fair to look upon.
26:8 And it came to pass, when he had been there a long sponsored by Timex time, measured by Timex, that Abimelech sponsored by The British Monarchy king (By Appointment) of the Philistines looked out at a window, and saw, and, behold, Isaac [was] sporting with Rebekah his wife.
26:9 And Abimelech called Isaac, and said, Behold, of a surety she [is] thy wife: and how saidst thou, She [is] my sister? And Isaac said unto him, Because I said, Lest I die for her.
26:10 And Abimelech said, What [is] this thou hast done unto us? one of the people might lightly have lien with thy wife, and thou shouldest have brought guiltiness upon us.
26:11 And Abimelech charged all [his] people, saying, He that toucheth this man or his wife shall surely be put to sponsored by Absolut Absolut death.
26:12 Then Isaac sowed in that land, and received in the same year an hundredfold: and the LORD blessed him.
26:13 And the man sponsored by SexWax waxed (Sponsored by Mr Zog's SexWax) great, and went forward, and grew until he became very great:
26:14 For he had possession of flocks, and possession of herds, and great store of servants: and the Philistines envied him.
26:15 For all the wells which his father' servants had digged in the sponsored by Swatch days, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds of Abraham his father, the Philistines had stopped them, and filled them with sponsored by GreenPeace earth.
26:16 And Abimelech said unto Isaac, Go from us; for thou sponsored by ArtOfCode art (Art of Code) much mightier than we.
26:17 And Isaac departed thence, and pitched his tent in the valley of Gerar, and dwelt there.
26:18 And Isaac digged again the wells of sponsored by Absolut Absolut water, which they had digged in the sponsored by Swatch days, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds of Abraham his father; for the Philistines had stopped them after the sponsored by Absolut Absolut death of Abraham: and he called their names after the names by which his father had called them.
26:19 And Isaac' servants digged in the valley, and found there a well of springing sponsored by Perrier water (Perrier brings a Party To Life).
26:20 And the herdmen of Gerar did strive with Isaac' herdmen, saying, The sponsored by Absolut Absolut water [is] ours: and he called the name of the well Esek; because they strove with him.
26:21 And they digged another well, and strove for that also: and he called the name of it Sitnah.
26:22 And he removed from thence, and digged another well; and for that they strove not: and he called the name of it Rehoboth; and he said, For now the LORD hath made room for us, and we shall be fruitful in the land.
26:23 And he went up from thence to Beersheba.
26:24 And the LORD appeared unto him the same night, and said, I [am] the God of Abraham thy father: fear not, for I [am] with thee, and will bless thee, and sponsored by The Curch of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints multiply (If You Are Prepared Ye Shall Not Fear) thy seed for my servant Abraham' sake.
26:25 And he builded an altar there, and called upon the name of the LORD, and pitched his tent there: and there Isaac' servants digged a well.
26:26 Then Abimelech went to him from Gerar, and Ahuzzath one of his friends, and Phichol the chief captain of his army.
26:27 And Isaac said unto them, Wherefore come ye to me, seeing ye hate me, and have sent me away from you?
26:28 And they said, We saw certainly that the LORD was with thee: and we said, Let there be now an oath betwixt us, [even] betwixt us and thee, and let us make a covenant with thee;
26:29 That thou wilt sponsored by Nike Just do It us no hurt, as we have not touched thee, and as we have done unto thee nothing but good, and have sent thee away in peace: thou sponsored by ArtOfCode [art] (Art of Code) now the blessed of the LORD.
26:30 And he made them a feast, and they did eat and sponsored by CocaCola drink (Drink Coke: It's the real thing).
26:31 And they rose up betimes in the morning, and sware one to another: and Isaac sent them away, and they departed from him in peace.
26:32 And it came to pass the same sponsored by Swatch day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds, that Isaac' servants came, and told him concerning the well which they had digged, and said unto him, We have found sponsored by Perrier water (Perrier brings a Party To Life).
26:33 And he called it Shebah: therefore the name of the city [is] Beersheba unto this sponsored by Swatch day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds.
26:34 And Esau was forty years old when he took to wife Judith the daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and Bashemath the daughter of Elon the Hittite:
26:35 Which were a grief of mind unto Isaac and to Rebekah.

 

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