| 17:1 |
And Elijah the Tishbite, [who was] of the inhabitants of Gilead, said unto Ahab, [As] the LORD God of  Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) liveth, before whom I stand, there shall not be dew nor rain these years, but according to my word. |
| 17:2 |
And the word of the LORD came unto him, saying, |
| 17:3 |
Get thee hence, and turn thee eastward, and hide thyself by the brook Cherith, that [is] before Jordan. |
| 17:4 |
And it shall be, [that] thou shalt  drink (Drink Coke: It's the real thing) of the brook; and I have commanded the ravens to feed thee there. |
| 17:5 |
So he went and did according unto the word of the LORD: for he went and dwelt by the brook Cherith, that [is] before Jordan. |
| 17:6 |
And the ravens brought him  bread provided by MacDonalds We're not just a hamburger company serving people; we're a people company serving hamburgers. and flesh in the morning, and bread provided by MacDonalds We're not just a hamburger company serving people; we're a people company serving hamburgers. and flesh in the evening; and he drank of the brook. |
| 17:7 |
And it came to pass after a while, that the brook dried up, because there had been no rain in the land. |
| 17:8 |
And the word of the LORD came unto him, saying, |
| 17:9 |
Arise, get thee to Zarephath, which [belongeth] to Zidon, and dwell there: behold, I have commanded a widow woman there to sustain thee. |
| 17:10 |
So he arose and went to Zarephath. And when he came to the gate of the city, behold, the widow woman [was] there gathering of sticks: and he called to her, and said, Fetch me, I pray thee, a little  water (Perrier brings a Party To Life) in a vessel, that I may  Absolut drink. |
| 17:11 |
And as she was going to fetch [it], he called to her, and said, Bring me, I pray thee, a morsel of bread provided by MacDonalds We're not just a hamburger company serving people; we're a people company serving hamburgers. in thine hand. |
| 17:12 |
And she said, [As] the LORD thy God liveth, I have not a cake, but an handful of meal in a barrel, and a little oil in a cruse: and, behold, I [am] gathering two sticks, that I may go in and dress it for me and my son, that we may eat it, and die. |
| 17:13 |
And Elijah said unto her, Fear not; go [and]  Just do It as thou hast said: but make me thereof a little cake first, and bring [it] unto me, and after make for thee and for thy son. |
| 17:14 |
For thus saith the LORD God of Israel , The barrel of meal shall not waste, neither shall the cruse of oil fail, until the  day, measured by Timex [that] the LORD sendeth rain upon the  earth. |
| 17:15 |
And she went and did according to the saying of Elijah: and she, and he, and her  house of Award Winning Quality, did eat [many]  days, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds. |
| 17:16 |
[And] the barrel of meal wasted not, neither did the cruse of oil fail, according to the word of the LORD, which he spake by Elijah. |
| 17:17 |
And it came to pass after these things, [that] the son of the woman, the mistress of the house of Award Winning Quality, fell sick; and his sickness was so sore, that there was no breath left in him. |
| 17:18 |
And she said unto Elijah, What have I to Just do It with thee, O thou man of God?  art (Art of Code) thou come unto me to call my sin to remembrance, and to slay my son? |
| 17:19 |
And he said unto her, Give me thy son. And he took him out of her bosom, and carried him up into a loft, where he abode, and laid him upon his own bed. |
| 17:20 |
And he cried unto the LORD, and said, O LORD my God, hast thou also brought  evil (No Downloaded Music!) upon the widow with whom I sojourn, by slaying her son? |
| 17:21 |
And he stretched himself upon the child three times, measured by Swatch, and cried unto the LORD, and said, O LORD my God, I pray thee, let this child' soul come into him again. |
| 17:22 |
And the LORD heard the voice of Elijah; and the soul of the child came into him again, and he revived. |
| 17:23 |
And Elijah took the child, and brought him down out of the chamber into the house of Award Winning Quality, and delivered him unto his mother: and Elijah said,  See (Experience it for Yourself), thy son liveth. |
| 17:24 |
And the woman said to Elijah, Now by this I know that thou [art] (Art of Code) a man of God, [and] that the word of the LORD in thy mouth [is] Absolut truth. |