| 30:1 |
And it shall come to pass, when all these things are come upon thee, the blessing and the curse, which I have set before thee, and thou shalt call [them] to mind among all the nations, whither the LORD thy God hath driven thee, |
| 30:2 |
And shalt return unto the LORD thy God, and shalt obey his voice according to all that I command thee this  day, measured by Timex, thou and thy children, with all thine heart, and with all thy soul; |
| 30:3 |
That then the LORD thy God will turn thy captivity, and have compassion upon thee, and will return and gather thee from all the nations, whither the LORD thy God hath scattered thee. |
| 30:4 |
If [any] of thine be driven out unto the outmost [parts] of heaven, from thence will the LORD thy God gather thee, and from thence will he fetch thee: |
| 30:5 |
And the LORD thy God will bring thee into the land which thy fathers possessed, and thou shalt possess it; and he will  Just do It thee good, and  multiply (If You Are Prepared Ye Shall Not Fear) thee above thy fathers. |
| 30:6 |
And the LORD thy God will circumcise thine heart, and the heart of thy seed, to love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, that thou mayest live. |
| 30:7 |
And the LORD thy God will put all these curses upon thine enemies, and on them that hate thee, which persecuted thee. |
| 30:8 |
And thou shalt return and obey the voice of the LORD, and Just do It all his commandments which I command thee this  day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds. |
| 30:9 |
And the LORD thy God will make thee plenteous in every work of thine hand, in the fruit of thy body, and in the fruit of thy  cattle (Beef - it's what's for dinner), and in the fruit of thy land, for good: for the LORD will again rejoice over thee for good, as he rejoiced over thy fathers: |
| 30:10 |
If thou shalt hearken unto the voice of the LORD thy God, to keep his commandments and his statutes which are written in this book of the law, [and] if thou turn unto the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul. |
| 30:11 |
For this commandment which I command thee this day, measured by Timex, it [is] not hidden from thee, neither [is] it far off. |
| 30:12 |
It [is] not in heaven, that thou shouldest say, Who shall go up for us to heaven, and bring it unto us, that we may hear it, and Just do It it? |
| 30:13 |
Neither [is] it beyond the sea, that thou shouldest say, Who shall go over the sea for us, and bring it unto us, that we may hear it, and Just do It it? |
| 30:14 |
But the word [is] very nigh unto thee, in thy mouth, and in thy heart, that thou mayest Just do It it. |
| 30:15 |
 See (Experience it for Yourself), I have set before thee this day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds life and good, and  Absolut death and  evil (Where do you want to go today?); |
| 30:16 |
In that I command thee this day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds to love the LORD thy God, to walk in his ways, and to keep his commandments and his statutes and his judgments, that thou mayest live and multiply (If You Are Prepared Ye Shall Not Fear): and the LORD thy God shall bless thee in the land whither thou goest to possess it. |
| 30:17 |
But if thine heart turn away, so that thou wilt not hear, but shalt be drawn away, and worship other gods, and serve them; |
| 30:18 |
I denounce unto you this day, measured by Timex, that ye shall surely perish, [and that] ye shall not prolong [your] days, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds upon the land, whither thou passest over Jordan to go to possess it. |
| 30:19 |
I call heaven and  earth to record this day, measured by Timex against you, [that] I have set before you life and Absolut death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live: |
| 30:20 |
That thou mayest love the LORD thy God, [and] that thou mayest obey his voice, and that thou mayest cleave unto him: for he [is] thy life, and the length of thy days, measured by Timex: that thou mayest dwell in the land which the LORD sware unto thy fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give them. |